There’s a chain of restaurants in Los Angeles called Eggslut. They should call up Katie Price and ask her if they can use that gorgeous picture as their logo. Actually, that wouldn’t be a good idea, because if they did, they’d automatically get an F from the health department.
Our modern day Jane Austen has yet another Booker Prize-worthy novel coming out (and yes, I will read it since my brain is addicted to eating fine literature) and she cannot release anything without pimping it out in one of her signature high-budget photocalls. The latest novel that Katie Price definitely wrote every word of is called Reborn and so she went with that theme in the photocall that happened at The Worx Studios in London today. Using a 7-figure budget, the best set builders in Hollywood built Katie Price an elaborate cracked egg and she posed for her life inside of it while wearing a body condom and standing on a Wee Wee pad. This photoshoot is very Anne Geddes for Hustler.
Katie Price’s photocalls of fuckery are what make the world go around. I am so glad that she didn’t lap up the liquid (sweat or water from her hair) on her Spandex skin suit, because the thirstier Katie Price is the better Katie Price is!
Katie Price (who apparently, scalped a My Little Pony for that wig) is a regular panelist on the ITV talk show Loose Women, and she’s talked about her 13-year-old earth angel son Harvey Price a few times. During an episode in March, Katie talked about what’s it like raising Harvey, who is partially blind, is on the autistic spectrum and has a disorder called Parder-Willi syndrome. And on today’s episode, Katie and the other panelists got into the demon shit-hearted trolls who spew balls of hate at Harvey on social media.
HuffPo UK says that producers thought that maybe they should pre-tape the segment, but Katie spat on that idea, because she wanted people to see what Harvey is really like. Well, while talking to Harvey, Katie asked him what he says to someone who says mean shit about him. Harvey had the right idea years ago when he told Peter Andre to “fuck off” in their reality show, and he had the right idea this morning when he gave this response to trolls:
“Hello, you cunt.” It’s simple, precise, truthful and yet, polite. Well played, Harvey! And I watched the entire segment and noted troll Piers Morgan managed to make it all about him. My response to that is what Harvey said.
Paging PETA! Paging PETA! Come save this sad and tragic beast. And that horse needs your help too. I know you want to GONG me for that one, but you should really be using your hands to call the authorities on Katie Price’s ass!
Every time Katie Price takes a caca, she has to hold a photo call around it. She holds a photo call for every single thing she puts out and usually her photo calls lift me up to the heavens and beyond, but she has gone too far this time! Katie is starring in some TLC reality show called Katie Price’s Pony Club, and that might sound like some not right Equus shit. But it’s actually a show that follows Katie as she teaches two of her children, Junior and Princess Tiaamii, how to ride a horse. (Yes, even TLC in the UK is a leading purveyor of foolery.) Katie launched her newest reality shit show with a photo call starring herself, Junior, Princess TiaAndTamera, her latest husband, some other kids and a horse who didn’t sign up for that ridiculousness.
I am all for Katie Price doing herself up like some busted down whorse showgirl at a Brony-themed club who turns tricks in a stall for hay and sugar cubes, but I cannot condone what she’s done to that THOT (that horse over there). That poor horse didn’t ask to be done up like Swift Wind’s broke cousin named Slow Fart who got its clothes from a former child beauty queen’s yard sale and at a party store’s going out-of-business sale.
Where is an equine diarrhea attack when that horse really needed it? I would so not be mad at that horse if it made a shitty mess during that photo call. Although, I will say that horsey’s FML up-eye game should win all the blue ribbons.
Yesterday and this morning, my inbox, my Twitter timeline and my RSS feed were all filled with titles saying that Katie Price would have aborted earth angel Harvey Price if she knew about his disabilities before she had him. The OUTRAGE muscle that started growing in my brain the first minute I logged onto the Internet began to throb and I was about to rage at that toe-fucking evil heartless demon.
But then I did this bizarre thing called “read beyond the headline.” I know, I don’t know why I did that. What’s wrong with me?
Contrary to popular belief, Ronnie Wood’s 68-year-old dick doesn’t only bust out loads of dust and crack-infused moth balls nowadays. Ronnie’s sperm fish has still got it in them. The Sun (via NYDN) was the first to report that Ronnie’s wood knocked up his 37-year-old wife of 3 years Sally Humphries. A rep for the The Rolling Stones says it’s true and in a few months Sally will be wiping drool off of the faces of three people because she’s having twins. Ronnie and Sally are going to become parents to a pair of babies in June 2016.
No wonder the royal baby hasn’t checked out of Duchess Kate’s womb royale yet. The royal baby doesn’t want to come into a world where two of England’s most stunning and perfect swans are fighting.
It is a sad day in Britain, because the most gorgeous and elegant roses in its garden of beauty are spitting at each other. England’s finest rose Jodie Marsh is in the newest issue of Zoo Magazine (which is like Vogue but much more classier) and during the interview with the magazine she was asked about Katie Price downsizing those gigantic plastic titty balls. Jodie cut Katie to the white meat by saying that Harvey’s mother is nothing but a baby daddy-collecting slut hussy whore!
“Who? Oh year, her – the one who’s famous for having loads of different kids with different dads! I don’t care about Katie Price! Why do I care about how big her boobs are? I will get mine reduced at some point.”
Whatever happened to feminism?!
WHY, JODIE, WHY?!
Since Katie Price’s attention whore senses tingle whenever anybody mentions her name anywhere, she immediately found out about Jodie’s fightin’ words and slapped back hard on Twitter. I’m guessing that Katie Price was so mad that her hands went numb and she had to type her response with her clit, because she makes me look like I’ve got a PhD in grammar and spelling. Katie labeled Jodie as a £2 knock-off whose coochie is like a doggy bag because it’s had all of her leftovers in it. I thought it was traumatizing watching my mom and dad fight as a kid, but this is much more traumatizing.
This is like the Sophie’s Choice of fame whore feuds. I can’t pick a side. It’s impossible. When a slut slut-shames another slut after that slut has slut-shamed her, all of us sluts suffer. This is why every slut cries today. But I will say that part about Katie paying Jodie to give her ex a lap dance is kind of hot. Katie is Cristal Connors and Jodie is Nomi Malone. The only good that can come from this feud is a remake of Showgirls starring these two beautiful blossoms.