Category: Jean Kasem

Jean Kasem’s Business Manager Was Arrested After A Fight About Money

July 31, 2019 / Posted by:

Casey Kasem must have absolutely lived for the drama. After all, he did marry legendary Looney Toon and America’s preeminent Weekend At Bernie’s cosplayer Jean Kasem. You may remember her as dumb blond Loretta Tortelli on Cheers (and later on the spin-off The Tortellis), or you may remember her from the time she stole her husband’s corpse from a funeral home and then sent it on an all expenses paid (by him) trip around world ultimately resulting in his burial in Norway six months after his death. Also, how about the time she screamed bible verses and flung raw hamburger meat while her biker gang friends tried to stop the ambulance carrying Casey off to the hospital ? Now, according to TMZ, Jean’s business manager/probable lover, John Gressy, has been arrested for making threats and throwing dishes after a fight over Jean giving money to her and Casey’s 29-year-old daughter Liberty Kasem. Cue For The Love Of Money, which peaked at #9 on Billboard’s Pop Singles chart in spring 1974.

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Jean Kasem Claims Her Late Husband’s Children Murdered Him In The Name Of Scientology

November 29, 2018 / Posted by:

Casey Kasem’s been dead for nearly 5 years, but his family is still fighting over who is responsible for his death. Casey’s children from his first marriage, Julie, Mike and Kerri Kasem, filed a lawsuit against Casey’s widow Jean Kasem, accusing her of elder abuse. Jean recently alleged that the kids conspired to kill Casey because the power of L. Ron Hubbard compelled them to kill him so they could give all his money to The Church of Scientology. Normally, whenever the COS is involved, I automatically assume whatever bonkers fuckery is at play is because of them. But in this case, Jean Kasem is has proven herself to be as batshit as old L. Ron himself.

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Casey Kasem’s Body Has FINALLY Been Buried

December 22, 2014 / Posted by:

After more than six months since he sailed up to Heaven on the sound of his own smooth voice and five months since his body was declared missing, TMZ says Casey Kasem has finally been buried. Normally when a person passes away, their family will make plans to have the body buried or cremated or blasted into outer space on a rocket. But if the deceased person’s family happens to be a bunch of dramatic messes who hate each other, like Casey Kasem’s crazy butter-colored wife Jean and his daughter Kerri, then there’s a greater chance they’ll put the burial on hold and fight over where to bury the body instead. And in true messy family drama fashion, Jean went ahead and had Casey’s body buried in Norway like she wanted he wanted last Tuesday without telling his children.

You’d think that burying a body that has been decomposing for six months would be a good thing, but it sounds like it might have been a bit of a shady move on Jean’s part. According to TMZ, the LAPD are still conducting an investigation into claims made by Casey Kasem’s kids that he was a victim of elder abuse, but it’s going to be pretty difficult to have the body exhumed now that it’s buried in foreign soil. And even if they do get the OK from Norway to dig Casey’s body up, Jean never had it embalmed, which means that whatever bedsores he may or may not have had will be long gone. And just like that, Jean’s portrait was moved from the Gold Digger Hall of Fame to the Gold Digger Basement of Oh Hell No.

Regardless of how much side-eye we’re throwing waaaay up high to Jean for how she did it, at least Casey Kasem’s body is in its final resting place. Which is a good thing, because he’ll no doubt need lots of rest in preparation for the lifetime of haunting his ghost is going to give Jean for letting his body decompose for half a year.

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Casey Kasem’s Crazy Widow Will Bury His Body In Norway

August 18, 2014 / Posted by:

Last week, TMZ reported that Casey Kasem’s gold digging, sane-deficient widow, Jean Kasem, was trying to move his body from a funeral home in Montreal to Oslo, Norway. Casey’s oldest children were trying to stop that from happening, because they claim that he wanted to be buried at Forest Lawn in Glendale, CA. The people of Oslo better arm themselves with buns and blocks of cheese, because that crazy bitch is coming their way and she attacks with raw hamburger meat. So if she hamburgers them in the face, they can at least cook that meat up and have a delicious meal.

The Los Angeles Times says that Jean petitioned officials in Norway to allow Casey to be buried there. Instead of listening to Jean’s pleas, the officials should’ve quickly passed a law banning all American Amazons whose born name is “Jean Thompson” and who has a crazy twinkle in their eye that says, “If you stick your peen in me, we’ll be tied together forever and ever.”  But instead of banning Jean, Norwegian officials are letting her into their country and letting her bury Casey in Oslo. Jean wrote in her letter to officials that she has Norwegian roots and is planning to move to Norway by the end of this year. Jean also claimed in her letter that Casey wanted to be buried in Norway, because he “always said that Norway symbolizes peace and looks like heaven.” Jean just wants to fulfill his wishes.

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Jean Kasem Is Trying To Take Casey’s Body To Norway

August 11, 2014 / Posted by:

That photo was obviously a silent cry for help. At first, it looks like Casey Kasem’s glazed in the eyes, because that Amazonian she-hulk is squeezing him so tight that he’s losing consciousness. But now that I look at it, it’s obvious that the look in his eye says, “Save me from this crazy bitch who will one day drag my dead body all over the world.”

When we last left the bitch tower of craziness that is Jean Kasem, she was out of the country and Casey’s family was trying to track her down because his body was missing. At the time, Jean Kasem was believed to be in Israel, because she’s a humanitarian and figured that if she went to the Middle East, the Israelis and the Palestinians would stop fighting each other and join forces to get her out. Well, Jean Kasem has turned up and so has Casey’s body. Casey’s body has been in Montreal for weeks, but now Jean’s trying to move it to Oslo, Norway, because she’s insane or because she’s really trying to rack up those frequent flier miles.

Jean pulled Casey’s body out a funeral home after his death in June and flew him all the way to Canada. Santa Monica PD is investigating Jean for elder abuse and they ordered an autopsy on the body, but that hasn’t been done yet, because his body is nowhere near L.A. TMZ says that Jean is planning on taking Casey’s body to Oslo and his kids are trying to stop that from happening. If Jean gets Casey’s body to Europe, an autopsy might never be done and the Santa Monica PD might have to drop their case against her due to insufficient evidence.

I’m sure they test for antifreeze poisoning in Canada, so can’t they just do the autopsy there? Better yet, Scooby Doo, Scrappy Doo and the gang need to stop playing around and drive the Mystery Machine to Canada to get Shaggy’s body. While they’re there, they should leave a trail of bologna slices and exquisite 90s headbands from Jean’s lair to their van so they can trap her ass.

This Weekend at Casey’s foolery needs to end. But then again, I wouldn’t be too mad if the Today show got rid of that shitty “Where In The World Is Matt Lauer?” segment and replaced it with “Where In The World Is Casey Kasem’s Body?

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