Guatemalan-Cuban panty cream inducer Oscar Isaac said on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert last year that during the filming of what would be Carrie Fisher’s last Star Wars movie, The Last Jedi, his face repeatedly tasted her slappin’ hand. It would be an honor to get bitch slapped by Carrie Fisher once, but Oscar Isaac is a lucky motherfucker who got bitch slapped by Carrie Fisher 27 times. It’s as if she was an abuelita and he was a shit-mouthed brat who cursed in front of her 27 times. Actually, that’s not factual. If I cursed in front of my abuelita 27 times, she wouldn’t need to hit me at all. She’d give me a glare so scary that I’d slap myself 27 times.
Oscar said that his slap scene with Carrie was the first scene he shot with her, and it was amazing to him. The Last Jedi was released on DVD (do people still use those?), and its bonus features includes a blooper reel. On that blooper reel is John Boyega busting moves with Kelly Marie Tran, and Oscar Isaac messing up his lines. But the star of the blooper reel is Carrie Fisher slapping Oscar Isaac into another dimension. Carrie slapped Oscar so many times that when it was all over, his cheek probably thought, “What’s this strange feeling called ‘not getting slapped down by Carrie Fisher’?”
That makes me sad. To think, one Hollywood executive may have looked at Carrie Fisher getting rough with Oscar Isaac and greenlighted a reverse gender May-December Fifty Shades of Grey starring her as Christina Grey and him as Anastasio Steele. Now that would be a truly sexy cinematic masterpiece.
When Carrie Fisher went off to heaven to tell the angels like it is, there were stories saying that her beloved dog/sidekick Gary Fisher was going to live with her daughter Billie Lourd. But those stories were made of lies and Gary ended up moving in with her assistant at the time, Corby McCoin. Since then, Corby has become Gary’s manager of sorts. Corby is in charge of Gary’s Instagram account, which has 163,000 followers, and books him gigs at ComicCons and shit. But a source tells TMZ that Billie Lourd and her father/Carrie’s ex-partner Bryan Lourd want Corby to retire Gary from the spotlight. They feel that Gary becoming “the face of Carrie Fisher” cheapens her legacy. It’s a good thing that dogs can’t read or understand human words because if they could, Gary Fisher may be highly offended by anyone saying that he, a flawless diamond of a pooch, is capable of cheapening anything! The Audacity!
In the wake of the Weinstein fallout, there is one Hollywood voice that is sadly missed, that of Carrie Fisher. Carrie would probably have so much tea to spill right now they’d have to send snorkels out with the Oscar ballots. Carrie never did truck with no assholes, bullies or fools. She was not the one to be intimidated or let her voice be ignored, and seemed like the kind of person to stick up for others too. And according to her longtime friend Heather Ross, that is exactly the kind of person she was.
Carrie Fisher always seemed, to me at least, like she was the type of mom with a never-ending wealth of good advice. Sort of a learn-from-my-mistakes kind of thing, or just the result of living the equivalent of five normal lifetimes in her own life. Her daughter, Billie Lourd, recently spoke with her American Horror Story co-star Sarah Paulson for Town & Country. And it turns out that yes, Carrie Fisher gave the kind of guidance you’d expect a legend like Carrie Fisher to give.
That picture of Gary Fisher gazing at his human soulmate was supposed to be a tiny bit of happiness in this field of sadness of a post, but looking at it has really brought the sads. Damn me for that.
J. Harvey posted over the weekend about how The Los Angeles County Coroner’s Office ruled that Carrie Fisher’s death happened because of a mixture of things including sleep apnea, atherosclerotic heart disease and possibly drugs that were taken before she died. Her death was ultimately ruled “undetermined.” We didn’t know exactly what drugs were in Carrie’s system at the time, but today, the full report was released to public eyes.
We’re still mourning the passing of Princess Leia (tn Carrie Fisher – one of the most delightful and witty actresses/authors/humans with whom the world had been gifted). I can’t pass an ornate gold and leather bikini and bondage collar w/chain without sighing deeply and sadly.
Carrie passed after suffering a heart attack on a plane in December of last year (aka “The Year Everyone Died“). The L.A. County Coroner’s Office has determined that her heart attack was caused by “sleep apnea” as well as other “unidentified factors,” according to People. The report also noted that she had “atherosclerotic heart disease” and that “drug use” was a factor. They’re not saying which drugs Carrie was taking but the report did note that “Fisher had taken multiple drugs prior to her death.”