Category: Afternoon Crumbs

Afternoon Crumbs

March 27, 2014 / Posted by:

Many thank yous to Lainey for posting this video of ASkars and Prince Hot Ginge in a tent together. They’re fully clothed and there’s other people around, but I’ll still find a way to pinch my nips to this while playing TLC’s “Red Light Special” in the background – Lainey Gossip

And just like that, the Hamptons announces that it’s working on a bill to make Sasquatches illegal – Reality Tea

If Falkor Rimes really is as broke as her tit job, expect her to join the cast of Galloping with the Stars while Eddie Cibrian trolls hotel bars for rich widows – Celebitchy

Being a multi-millionaire mom with a team of nannies, chefs, drivers, assistants and tutors is hard: a story by Goopy PaltrowThe Superficial

Rosie Huntington-Whateverly does topless blackface in a shoot that I’m guessing was art directed by Julianne HoughDrunken Stepfather

But how does Larry King know that we haven’t already had a gay president? (I’m looking at you, Taft) – Towleroad

Cindy Crawford giving herself a breast exam and making “trout gasping for air” faces for an Omega photo shoot – Hollywood Tuna

Kendall and Kywhatever Jenner need to take a Photoshop course from Kim KardashianIDLYITW

Lindsay Lohan took a sledgehammer to a car with the cast of HIMYM’s faces on it and this feels like a metaphor for something… – Jezebel

And here’s Mila Kunis’baby bump,” which I like to call “my gut if I starved myself and hooked my b-hole up to a colonic machine for a week” – Popoholic

Now all I need is a Vine account devoted to DJ Lady Tribe from Rock of Love and life is complete – Buzzfeed

Trace Adkins’ wife took their marriage out back and shot it – ICYDK

Um, shouldn’t there be a foot-and-a-half tall tent pole sticking out of that bedspread? – The Berry

Leave it to a pasty man ass to make me miss Secret Diary of a Call GirlOMG Blog

Looking HAWT in a bee-kinny: Brit Brit is trying to by sucking it in for her life – Popsugar

The list of The 10 Best TV Theme Songs Clocking In At Under 20 Seconds has shown me that all TV theme songs should be longer than 20 seconds and should be sung by the lady who sung the Golden Girls theme song – Pajiba

Yup, Drew Barrymore’s got a CASE OF THE BABIES!!! in a big way – Just Jared

And Sarah Palin just came – SOW


Night Crumbs

March 12, 2014 / Posted by:

I don’t know if Jennifer Aniston has a CASE OF THE BABIES!!! for the 1,497,578th time, but judging by that mouth scarf, I’m guessing her mouth gave birth to a herp sore…. – Lainey Gossip

Courtney Stodden was in the window of the Elegance And Grace Store, right? – The Superficial

Lux the cat’s canine brother has been found in Spain! – Drunken Stepfather

The description of Gabrielle Union’s wine “Vanilla Puddin‘” makes me want to barf up a whole lot of stomach puddin’ – Jezebel

Squinty Zellweger is starting to morph into a Cameron Diaz figurine made out of Play-Doh – Celebitchy

Professor Kevin Bacon breaks down the 80s for the sad, unfortunate souls who didn’t live through the decade of neon ridiculousness – Towleroad

Marky Mark should really receive a Nobel Peace Prize for taking down the 9/11 planes “in his mind,” but I guess an MTV Generation Award will do – Pajiba

Strangely enough, Selena Gomez is still alive and hasn’t melted into a lukewarm puddle of embarrassment from everyone seeing that hilarious dirty dancing video of her and this generation’s Baby Houseman - Hollywood Tuna

Brandi Glanville must be drinking plenty of those delusion-tinis, because she thinks she’s worth $250,000 a season when we all know she’s worth a bag of polyester weave and a half empty bottle of MD 20/20 – Reality Tea

Taylor Swift and Selena Gomez broke up – IDLYITW

Krysten Ritter looks like a big rig skidded on her – Popoholic

Charlize Theron and Sean Penn keep redefining the meaning of ICK. NAST. – Popsugar

The freshly bloomed spring daisy Pamela Anderson and Rick Salomon have not divorced yet. Did they forget to divorce or something, or is Pamela Anderson really going for a new record? – ICYDK

Speaking of freshly bloomed spring daisies…. – The Berry

The Fast And Furious 7  will still go on without Paul WalkerHuffPo

Like Naomi Campbell really needs a lesson on how to throw shade. Bitch can throw shade, a BlackBerry, a knife, a ninja star, etc…. – OMG Blog

This list is null and void without CT and his fuckable nostrils – The Backlot

That $12 Party City costume…. – Just Jared

In “we all get the olds” news, I present Freddie Prinze Jr. today – SOW

Pic: Splash


Afternoon Crumbs

February 26, 2014 / Posted by:

RPattz spent the day in Toronto working in the freezing cold with a slow, drooling animal who kept stopping to piss, but it still beat working with Kristen StewartLainey Gossip

Carol Alt doesn’t get why everyone is jizzing through all their orifices over Kate UptonDrunken Stepfather

Sam Worthington’s wife, who looks like a mash-up of Baby Spice and Yolanda Foster, came at the pap first – Celebitchy

Looking got renewed for a second season, and where do I sign the petition to get a full episode of nothing but Russell Tovey jump roping in the park naked? – Towleroad

Kat Dennings took her chichi balls to LettermanThe Superficial

Children recreate scenes from the Best Picture Oscar nominees and I don’t know why but the Jared Leto one threw me in a coffin and closed the lid – The Berry

Olivia Munn figured she couldn’t go wrong with pink bubble wrap and hard nips. She figured wrong – Popoholic

In case you missed it the first time around, Beyonce swerving out ho shit moves in the Partition video. One of you will probably push me down the stairs for saying this, but I got Cristal Conner vibes from this… – IDLYITW

Mario Singer will never get Turtle Time with Ramona Singer again. I don’t know what that means exactly and I don’t want to know – Reality Tea

And later, Katherine Heeeeeeeeigl used that bottle to beg for change outside of the gym, because she’s just trying to support her family! – Popoholic

Dallas Buyers Club and True Detective what? THIS is the Texas T-Rex’s finest performance! – Pajiba

Drinks are on Sandy B! And can I get a couple of houses and a car with that gin and tonic? – ICYDK

Please tell me he screamed, “BIIIIIIIIIITCH,” at the cops while getting arrested – Popsugar

Saturday Night Live might as well call it a day, because what reason is there for it go on now that Alec Baldwin has vowed to never go on it again? – HuffPo

YAAAASS to Texas – Boy Culture

Work that burly man weave, Jakey!Just Jared

What Dustin Lance Black gets to lay his head on every night – (NSFWish) OMG Blog

Former public life liver Alec Baldwin is playing a journalist in Law & Order: SVUPopbytes

Pic: Splash


Afternoon Crumbs

February 25, 2014 / Posted by:

Yeah, yeah, Brit Brit’s chichis look like two uncooked Bisquick dumplings, but the hell kind of hillbilly daytime business suit is Normal Guy Dave wearing? – The Superficial

Wheelchair Jimmy might’ve boned that Ann Jillian wig off of RiRi’s head in Paris - Lainey Gossip

I see that Megan Fox’s old Marilyn Monroe face tattoo found another home on Helen Flanagan’s arm – Hollywood Tuna

Chrissy Tiegen and John Legend didn’t have a wedding cake?! They can go straight to Hell for that! – Celebitchy

The sole reason why Trojan should make eyeball condoms - Drunken Stepfather

Why did I think this was a picture of Sarah Michelle Gellar butt humping Chrissy Teigen? – IDLYITW

And every Dancing with the Has-Beens dude dancer just quit, because they aren’t looking to snap their spine in half while trying to lift NeNe LeakesReality Tea

Is it normal for my nips to get hard while watching The Silver Fox drag a dumbass Arizona senator over the anti-gay law? – Towleroad

Selena Gomez looks like she’s wearing my dog’s bed around her neck – Popoholic

Tommy Lee is getting married for the fourth time and I hope this time he lets his triple stuffed salchicha peen wear the tux – ICYDK


….But I still would and I wouldn’t even be ashamed about it – The Berry

This list of the 15 TV Restaurants We Wish We Could Dine In is totally invalid without The Lanford Lunchbox on it – Pajiba

Lena Dunham will host SNL and will probably be the first ever to host it completely naked – HuffPo

Something you saw coming: a Beyonce SURFBOART soundboard – OMG Blog

Pam from The Office has a case of the BABIES!!! again – Popsugar

What a luscious pair of fur puppies and his dogs are okay too, I guess - Just Jared

The time a goldfish shat in Jonah Hill’s mouth – SOW

Pic: Splash


Afternoon Crumbs

February 24, 2014 / Posted by:

St. Angie Jolie will grace the Oscars with her holy presence on Sunday. Will her fame whoring right leg give an encore performance or she will finally give her left leg some attention. I’m kind of hoping she’ll wear a burka with a cutout around the true star of her body: her bulging forehead vein of doom – Lainey Gossip 

Methinks Justin Bieber is pissing on a plea deal, because he’s secretly hoping that the judge will sentence him to a spanking – The Superficial

Christina Milan better be careful. A lawn mower might mistake her for grass and run her ass over – Drunken Stepfather

Leonardo DiCaprio uses the wrong words to say his ideal lady is a 20-something, size zero model who has at least a 3-year contract with Victoria’s Secret – Celebitchy

Nothing like a good old-fashioned Facebook photo-op to bring two fighting fame whores together – Reality Tea

Nina Agdal mouth fucks a fish sandwich in a Carl’s Jr. commercial and I’m wondering when Carl’s is going to hire a true sex symbol like Richard Simmons or Angelyne to mouth fuck one of their sandwiches in a commercial – Hollywood Tuna

Glamberace and Chris Colfer screech their way through The Darkness’ “I Believe In A Thing Called Love” – Towleroad

Amanda Bynes takes a plea deal in her DUI case and isn’t going to become Orange is the New Black’s newest cast member – ICYDK

Well, that chrome outdoor grill in the background looks good, I guess – IDLYITW

Dreams do come true: We may all soon be able to brunch at McDonald’s – Jezebel

Kanye, is that you, bitch? – The Berry

The moment a pap caught Hilary Duff dropping a queef and a fart at the same time – Popoholic

Lea Michele + Uncle Terry = NO – HuffPo

Why some celeb whores should stay far the hell away from Twitter – Pajiba

You may actually go senile listening to this, but maybe that’s the point – OMG Blog

Taylor Swift continues to be a 7th year senior by hanging out with kids – Just Jared

Pharrell is really trying to make that prune hat happen – Popsugar

Bitch Got Canned: The Piers Morgan Edition – SOW


Afternoon Crumbs

February 18, 2014 / Posted by:

Give me sleepy crackhead caught off guard!” is probably what the photographer shouted at RiRi before she gave them this Vogue cover pose – Just Jared

Selena Gomez spun the wheel of pop star dudes to “date” and it landed on Niall Horan (which I always pronounce as “Nail Whorin‘”) from One Erection – Lainey Gossip

Charlie Sheen makes it so easy for a gold digger…. – Celebitchy

Your daily “Christie Brinkley looks hot at 60” appreciation post – Hollywood Tuna

Pamela Anderson stripping for the cameras will save all the animals, or something – Drunken Stepfather

Oh, it looks like one of the Blind Mice transitioned, fell on hard times and had to start working the stroll for cheese – The Superficial

This is still harder and more gangsta than anything Justin Bieber has done – Towleroad

The Empress of Lucite’s former stepdaughter is still in the hospital – Reality Tea

Alexandra Daddario of True Detective knows that the President has seen her boobs and it’s safe to say that a certain former President (hint: rhymes with Will Blinton) has fapped to her boobs – IDLYITW

Posh Beckham sort of kind of admits that she had her titty bags removed in case you didn’t already figure it out for yourself – Jezebel

No shade from me: Gillian Anderson looks hot – Popoholic

Are we sure that’s not just an Italian soda from the Old Spaghetti Factory? – ICYDK

Bob Casale of Devo is whippin’ it good in Heaven with the angels – Gawker

Grown man laughs while recording underage kid after underage kid breaking their bodies after slipping on ice and yes, he’s definitely on some list now – The Berry

Hallelooooooo! RuPaul’s Drag Race got a 7th season – OMG Blog

The unicorns that live in RPattz’s magical forest hair have drowned in hair dye – Popsugar

“We don’t get it…” said James Haven and St. Angie JolieSOW

Farewell, Ralph Monroe from Green AcresBoy Culture


Afternoon Crumbs

February 11, 2014 / Posted by:

Oh, don’t mind Stephanie Seymour and her twink sons. They’re just doing creepy, awkward shit like this again… – Drunken Stepfather

Even Laura Jean Poon looks like her last nerve is stretching and splintering while talking to Goopy PaltrowLainey Gossip

Crispy Ronaldo’s piece (or maybe she’s Crispy Ronaldo’s ex-piece, I haven’t been keeping up with Crispy Ronaldo news the way I should be) poses with Taylor Armstrong’s twin – Hollywood Tuna

I want to go to the Anti-Gay Grill in Oklahoma with Darren P. – Towleroad

Are we sure the real T-Pain gave this interview, because it doesn’t sound at all like it was given by an auto-tuned robot – The Superficial

“Everybody’s face has been pricked with the Botox needle” is the truth according to Robin WrightCelebitchy

Like Porscha Stewart really knows where babies come from – Reality Tea

I didn’t know Random Italian Guy was Edward Cullen’s born name – Jezebel

So is Brit Brit thinking, “What is this life?”, or is she thinking, “What is this color on my hair?”, or is she thinking, “Why won’t daddy send the jet to DC to get me Doritos Loaded?” – ICYDK

A minion from hell (aka Goopy) walks into one of the 9th’s circles torture caves (aka Tracy Anderson’s gym) – Popoholic

The Porn Iguana’s lips look like a package of red gummy worms that melted in the sun – IDLYITW

Katy Perry grabbed Anna Kendrick’s chichis, looked like an Amazonian giant while doing so – Pajiba

Hugh JackMeOff will host the Tonys again – HuffPo

I am so glad that Zombeavers is not a horror movie about Pimp Mama Kris’ snatch – OMG Blog

More like news WINS – The Berry

The real-life horror movie that is Stuck in Sochi continues… – Popsugar

Panty Creamer of the Day: Tom Welling goes topless (but where is his nip?) – Just Jared

Whatever you do, keep your eyes up, unless you really want to be assaulted by a trio of fug shoes – Moe Jackson

(Pic via Harper’s Bazaar)


Afternoon Crumbs

February 6, 2014 / Posted by:

Pharrell Williams is still wearing that hat that makes him look like a dented peen and yes, I still would – Lainey Gossip

Philip Seymour Hoffman’s friend is suing The National Enquirer for $50 million for making up an interview where he supposedly admitted that the two were crack-smoking lovahs  - Towleroad

As if, like Kanye West would really let Kim Kartrashian wear the tiara - Celebitchy

Question of the day: Why did I spend approximately 25 seconds of my life staring at Anne Hathaway’s camel toe? – Drunken Stepfather

Victoria’s Secret model Doutzen Kroes joins The Knocked Up And Posing Naked Club, and I’m just going to assume that somewhere the Pussy Posse is throwing a baby shower for Leonardo DiCaprioThe Superficial

If you’re wondering where all tissue went, check in Ashley Jizzdale’s bra – Hollywood Tuna

But how will the world go on without any new knocked up selfies of desperation in a wig? – Reality Tea

Sorry, Gosoholics, but Eva Mendes is still the MOST HATED WOMAN ON THE INTERNET – IDLYITW

No… this isn’t creepy and weird at all… ICYDK

Vanessa Hudgens went hiking in a sports bra, because ho knows that regular old “hiking in a boring t-shirt” pics ain’t gonna sell – Popoholic

Dakota Johnson didn’t have to tell us she has no shame. We figured that out when she signed on for Fifty Shades of ShitPopsugar

The Real World is really real. For real – Jezebel

Madge introduced Pussy Riot at an Amnesty International concert last night and she was dressed like the ringleader in a Kanye West circus while doing so – OMG Blog

It was really nice of P. Diddy to babysit Justin Bieber last night, but he really should’ve dressed him before taking him out – Just Jared

How about YAAAAASSSSS (and I’m only talking about the first picture) – The Berry

George Clooney got revenge on Tina Fey and Amy Poehler for speaking the truth at the Golden Globes – Pajiba

And there is something remarkably dumb as fuck about Kirk CameronBoy Culture

Christmas died on January 30th and I didn’t even know about it until now – Kenneth in the (212)


Afternoon Crumbs

February 5, 2014 / Posted by:

Whores are losing their minds over the fact that the winner of The Biggest Loser lost 60% of her body weight, to which Rachel Zoe says, “Eh, still a fat cow.“ - Jezebel

Marilyn Manson, Johnny Depp and a glass pipe walk into a school together… – Lainey Gossip

Miley Cyrus gives dead eyes in an outtake from W Magazine. Well, at least her nipples look alive – (NSFW) Drunken Stepfather

The purified German dew drop we all know as Micaela Schäfer is celebrating VD early – The Superficial

I guess Jamie Foxx is still interviewing Katie Holmes for that bearding position – Celebitchy

Here’s the 6 openly gay athletes competing at Sochi and my only question is, “How in the hell aren’t any of them figure skaters?!” – Towleroad

Five words you’ve never ever seen together: Kelly Brook in a bikini – Hollywood Tuna

And somewhere a solid gold tuxedo is being made, because Reza from Shahs of Sunset is getting married – Reality Tea

Why Will Ferrell hates Sweden – Popsugar

Johnny Depp is taking this mid-life crisis all the way to an altar on his private island – ICYDK

O – Popoholic

2013 was the Year of the Sads for Lady CaCaJust Jared

And the fourth picture down will show you the scary, horrific truth: Carly Rae Jepsen really is the new Cinderella on Broadway – The Berry

Victoria’s Secret better recast all their models soon, because Leonardo DiCatchAHo is running out of ones to sex up – IDLYITW

But did Anthony Keidis release an explanation for those control-top capris? – Popbytes

Bar Refaeli and Kellan Lutz might be a thing – Celebslam

You can no longer get your complete one-night-stand-kit of condoms, lube, booze, Purell and cigs at CVS – SOW


Afternoon Crumbs

January 30, 2014 / Posted by:

The Texas T-Rex and ageless Amish vampire Jared Leto were in the UK for the premiere of Dallas Buyers Club, so that’s why the streets are covered with the bodies of teenage virgins who had the youth sucked out of them – Lainey Gossip

Brandi Glanville says that her duties as Eddie Cibrian’s wife were to have dinner ready every night and look hot on his arm. Well, if she really did serve him dinner every night, then one out of two ain’t bad – Celebitchy

Barney’s new campaign features 17 transgender models. But where is Carmen Carrera?!!!!! – Towleroad

If the whole “pop star” thing doesn’t work out, Pink should be a chiropractor – Drunken Stepfather

The trailer for that Blazing Saddles-like Seth MacFarlane movie is out and I laughed, I admit it – The Superficial

Foxy Knoxy found guilty again. Does this mean that the perfect Lifetime movie starring Hayden Pantyairs is going to get a sequel? – Jezebel

RiRi is complaining about wanting a bigger ass, but so sorry for her, Kanye is already taken – IDLYITW

Please tell me the Spice Channel is re-launching to air the Porn Iguana’s reality show – Reality Tea

This might be Vanessa Hudgens, but since we don’t see a face, it could very well be Steven Tyler too – Hollywood Tuna

Is that North West’s hair or did Kim Kardashian forget to shave her mustache? – ICYDK

I could laugh at Selena Gomez for hiding her face from the paps she probably called herself, but most of us would hide our face too if the world knew we fucked Justin BieberPopoholic

German hairless ass alert – (NSFWish) OMG Blog

Justin Bieber had the good shit and Xanax running through his veins the night of his Florida DUI arrest. I didn’t know that Xanax made chewable fruit-flavored pills – Just Jared

Mila Kunis is the face of Jim Beam, because nothing in life makes sense – The Berry

I do not appreciate Blake NotSoLively’s CoCo drag – Popsugar

And when Marky Mark gets slimed, SpongeBob’s gonna get a funky bunch punch to the dick – Videogum

Aw, Justin Bieber has graduated from the crib to a big boy bed – SOW


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