Category: Afternoon Crumbs

Afternoon Crumbs

July 6, 2018 / Posted by:

Brendon Urie of Panic! At The Disco has declared his attraction to both peen and poon in the past, but he recently came out as pansexual and said he definitely gets the tingles for dudes. Of course I know what pansexuality is, but since I have the brain of an immature and stupid 13-year-old, I pictured Brendon humping a cooking pan, and yes, I reached for the lube – Towleroad

For the 7,495th time, Ariana Grande has proven she’s come down with stage 10 dickmatization – Lainey Gossip 

Colin Firth and his wife Livia have dropped stalking charges against the side piece they claim was the Alex Forrest to her Dan Gallagher – Celebitchy

Sure, Carole…. – Reality Tea

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Afternoon Crumbs

July 5, 2018 / Posted by:

Duchess Meghan dressed like a mustard bottle business woman for Your Commonwealth Youth Challenge today, and she’s truly getting the hang of being a royal and “putting on a manufactured smile” no matter what. Case in point: Meghan’s smiling and laughing while clearly seething inside from being shown up by a sparkling vision in hot pink glamour. If that boring mustard dress sells out before that glorious pink coat does, the world truly is a sad place  – Lainey Gossip

In case you didn’t get it the first 657 times, President Oprah is not going to happen – Celebitchy

If you’re a reality TV whore and don’t stick a sparkler in your ass on the Fourth of July for Instagram attention, did you celebrate the Fourth of July at all? – Reality Tea

The internet found a racist joke that Trixie Mattel made at a roast and are now roasting her for it – Towleroad

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Afternoon Crumbs

July 3, 2018 / Posted by:

Amber Heard got the rage of Twitter on her when she tweeted (and later deleted) that there was an ICE checkpoint in Hollywood so everyone better give their housekeepers, nannies and landscapers a ride home. Either that was Amber’s failed attempt at using satire to call out the hypocrisy of the Hollywood elite (yeah, probably not) or she earned a medal in tone-deaf privileged dumbassery. Pistol and Boo, come and get your “woke” human and put her to bed  – The Wrap

The white Alexander McQueen dress that Tiffany Haddish wears over and over again may make an appearance on Common’s bedroom floor soon. If it hasn’t already – Lainey Gossip 

Not that Nicole Kidman would ever go to a Claim Jumper, but if she did, her face would shoot off of her head after she asked the server to bring her half of the meal she ordered and they still brought her a plate that took up 70% of the table – Celebitchy

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Afternoon Crumbs

July 2, 2018 / Posted by:

Thomas Markle is thinking about doing another paid interview to spill more shit about his daughter and the royal family. Oh, amateur ass Thom, that’s not how it’s done. You’re supposed to get access into the royal family and then get them all drunk on gin and the tears of peasants (their favorite cocktail) so they tell you all their secrets. And THEN you sell them out for a giant mountain of money. Fergie, come get Thomas and show him how it’s done – Celebitchy

Mr. Jesus Jugs is threatening to sue two of the Real Housemesses of Orange County for talking shit about his divorce. Now, I’m not saying that Jesus Jugs is in cahoots with the other Housewives so she can come back to the show and they’ll get more screen time because of this new storyline, but I am saying that Jesus Jugs is in cahoots with the other Housewives so she can come back to the show and they’ll get more screen time because of this new story line – Reality Tea

Ryan Murphy and I have something in common: Hollywood execs told him he was too faggy to succeed and I was voted 2 Faggy 2 Succeed – OMG Blog

Yawn, poke at me when Cathy Dennis and Stacey Q team up – Towleroad

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Afternoon Crumbs

June 29, 2018 / Posted by:

Tessa Thompson has come out as a lover of both peen and poon, and also said that she and Janelle Monae love each other very much and “vibrate on the same frequency.” Tessa is probably speaking new age shit, and doesn’t mean that she and Janelle use the same setting on their vibrators. But still, that quote is going to make everyone who wants them to be a thing put their vibrators away, because Tessa’s words alone will give them the down-low electric tingles – Pajiba

Priyanka Chopra and Nick Jonas are in India, and it doesn’t look like they’re wearing wedding rings and she doesn’t look like she’s carrying a ChopJo spawn… They really are moving slow. What the hell kind of celebrity couple are they? – Lainey Gossip 

Don’t even think about trying to take the n-word from Kendrick LamarCelebitchy

I see that in preparation for season 3 of Real Housewives of DallasLeeAnne Locken took brawling lessons from the messes on Real Housewives of New JerseyReality Tea

But for where is Bernadette Peters?! – Towleroad

Never mind Chelsea Handler’s nipples, I’m slobbering over her beautiful booze cabinet of dreams – (NSFW) Drunken Stepfather

Meanwhile, several Oscar statues just threw themselves at Meryl Streep, Greta Gerwig, Saoirse Ronan, and Timothee Chalamat after it was announced they’re all doing a Little Women remake together – Just Jared

Pic: Instagram

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Afternoon Crumbs

June 22, 2018 / Posted by:

This weekend, Kit Harington will marry Rose Leslie at a Scottish castle that has been in her family for generations. So, Jon Snow and Ygritte are getting married in a Game of Thrones-like setting… Well, if a GoT fanboy is there, they should expect for the wedding to get interrupted when Peter Dinklage (he’s marrying them, right?) asks, “If any of you has a reason why these two should not be married, speak now or forever hold your peace,” and the fanboy jumps and screams, “This isn’t right. They’re not brother and sister!” – Lainey Gossip

I figured that Goopy Paltrow was going to get married at the top a mountain in Tibet that can only be accessed by specially trained albino donkeys pulling a temperature-controlled luxury carriage. But it looks like she’s getting married in the Hamptons instead. Did the trick go broke?! – Celebitchy

The love between Tinsley Mortimer and that Coupon Cabin mogul are like the Coupon Cabin codes: sometimes they work but most of the time they don’t – Reality Tea 

Someone please arrest Parasite Hilton for continuing to do a no-budget, raggedy, janky ass version of Angelyne’s act – Drunken Stepfather

Adam Rippon brought out his icy twink nipples and nalgitas for ESPN Magazine’s “Body Issue” – Towleroad

Because the year is 2018, Tom Arnold is vowing to be the one who takes down Trump – HuffPo

Pic: Wenn.com

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