Category: Afternoon Crumbs

Afternoon Crumbs

April 19, 2019 / Posted by:

Michelle Williams is reportedly single after her marriage to Phil Elverum ate shit after less than a year. Well, the good news for Michelle is that when she wins a billion awards for playing Gwen Verdon in the theatrical ass gay dream that is Fosse/Verdon, she doesn’t have to worry about remembering to thank her husband – Just Jared

Anna Camp and Skylar Astin’s marriage has also eaten shit after two years. You’d think that if their relationship could survive the Pitch Perfect sequels, it could survive ANYTHING – Popsugar

The dude who is jumping through that playground net thing is obviously doing an interpretive piece about The Hammaconda trying to get through any vagina – Pajiba

Thanks to those glasses, Anne Hathaway is serving deranged business woman bee – Popoholic

While many of us cried tears of boredom over Madonna’s new song with Maluma, he cried tears of happiness when he first heard it on the radio – Towleroad

The real and raw truth is that only Diane Keaton and ravers from the 90s can get away with that overpriced JNCO shit – Celebitchy

Oh look, this Sommer Ray person is wearing the exact outfit you’re planning to wear to Easter Sunday mass – Drunken Stepfather

Pic: Wenn.com

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Afternoon Crumbs

April 5, 2019 / Posted by:

Charlize Theron says she’s “shockingly single” and has been single for ten years. I don’t think it’s that shocking that Charlize has been single for that long. If I was her, I’d be single too, because I’d be too busy taking in all the hot dick thrown at me to commit to just one. And now we know that Charlize saw a hypnotist to erase her brain and coochie of the memory of being engaged to Sean Penn!  – Lainey Gossip 

So what I’m getting from this Lil Nas X and Billy Ray Cyrus thing is that in order to get your song on the Billboard country charts you gotta have a white guy on it, or be Hootie from Hootie and the Blowfish – Pajiba

Olivia Culpo is giving you side tit and hip bone – Popoholic

Okay, but I’d like Billie Jean King to know that I’ve been boycotting The Beverly Hills Hotel since birth, and yes, mostly because I can’t afford it, but still! – Towleroad

Billy Ray Cyrus is probably so disappointed in Noah Cyrus’ underage drinking and only because she’s not drinking moonshine. Way to shame the Cyrus family name, Noah! – Drunken Stepfather

It must be Friday because for a minute there I thought Candice Swanepoel was pulling some Exorcist shit and her head was on the wrong way – Hollywood Tuna

Whatever Ben Stiller paid that woman to fawn over him like that wasn’t enough, because she WENT. FOR. IT. – Celebitchy

Celine Dion tells us what we already knew – Just Jared

PODCAST NOTE: The Dlisted podcast has gone on an unexpected Spring Break and partly because I have another eyeball surgery happening soon. Allison and I will be back to terrorize your ears in May!

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Afternoon Crumbs

March 22, 2019 / Posted by:

Christina Anstead (aka Christina El Moussa aka the Flip or Flop chick) announced on Instagram that she and her husband Ant Anstead made a baby that I’m sure she’s going to name Travertine Accent Tile Anstead. Christina made the announcement with a totally natural picture where he’s thinking, “Um, I think I’m passing out from inhaling all this Bronzer and weave hair,” as she’s saying through gritted Chiclets, “Keep your goddamn face there so we can get this goddamn picture.”Just Jared

Seeing Constance Wu exude classic sophistication by looking like a Rock of Love Bus stowaway has instantly made me declare Hustlers a cinematic jewel – Lainey Gossip 

St. Angie Jolie just burned her stylist’s skin with a rage glare for not being the first to get whatever black dress thing is on Eva Green’s body here – Popoholic

Jack Falahee got a tit tattoo that will soon be covered with a field of chest fur – Towleroad

Prepare to glue your eyeballs to that damn Lindo Wing door next month – Celebitchy

I never thought I’d say these words but I want to move to somewhere other than Austin in Texas and it’s all because of Pound Town – Pajiba

Rachel Bilson makes it so easy…. – Hollywood Tuna

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Afternoon Crumbs

March 15, 2019 / Posted by:

Disney has rehired James Gunn as director of Guardians of the Galaxy 3 after firing him last year because of some offensive old tweets he made. Why do I have a feeling that when Mickey Mousefired” James Gunn, he screamed, “You’re FIRED, you offensive motherfucker,” before whispering, “Just kidding, I’ll hire you back when all of this blows over. Oh, and stop using a helium balloon for a brush. That hair is stupid.” Mickey’s hair comment was uncalled for. He’s such a superficial bitch – Pajiba

The look IS Lupita Nyong’o serving the high-fashion expensive version of the blood contacts my cousins bought at the swap meet to be slutty devils for Halloween – Lainey Gossip

Call the police, because you know that outfit you wore to the first day of the 8th grade in the late-80s? Emma Roberts stole it – Popoholic

SHOCK AND SURPRISE: NBC didn’t replace Carson Daly with another white guy, and instead gave his spot to YouTuber Lilly Singh  – Towleroad

Alex Trebek thanked everyone who showered him with good thoughts after he said he is fighting stage 4 pancreatic cancer – SOW

George Clooney, stop it! Duchess Meghan and Prince Hot Ginge aren’t going to make you their kid’s godfather, okay? – Celebitchy

Shay Mitchell’s stylist must have mixed up March 14 with October 31 and accidentally dressed her in a Party City Bebe Rexha costume – Just Jared

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Afternoon Crumbs

February 22, 2019 / Posted by:

In news that is almost older than the sinking of the Titanic itself, Reba McEntire was on Watch What Happens Live! last night and talked about how she almost played the role of Molly Brown in Titanic, but dreaded scheduling conflicts meant she had to drop out, and as we know, the role went to Kathy Bates. Reba as Molly Brown wouldn’t have made sense anyway. Because during the voyage, she’d definitely bust out Fancy on the deck, which would cause all of the icebergs around them to melt from the hotness of it all, and she’d unknowingly save the day!  – SOW

It looks like Gisele Bundchen pulled both her face and the sheets off the bed for this look – Lainey Gossip 

In case you didn’t think it was possible for Robin Thicke and Miley Cyrus’ VMAs performance to get ickier, just picture Jabba the Trump fapping to it… – Pajiba

If you happen to be a spaceship pilot from the future and are caught in a snowstorm, but also suffering from overheated nips and crotch, just wear this high fashion foolery that Bella Hadid is working – Drunken Stepfather

The trailer for Jordan Peel’s Twilight Zone reboot needs more Talking Tina – Towleroad

What in rejected En Vogue performance pants from the 90s HELL is Olivia Munn wearing? – Popoholic

Calvin Klein should ask for a refund from Kendall Jenner, because they could’ve gotten more life, charisma and sexiness out of an overcooked Fettuccine noodle – Hollywood Tuna 

File this under “Why are the peasants storming the palace today?!” – Celebitchy

Clark Gable III, the grandson of Clarke Gable, has died at the way, way, waaay too young age of 30 – Just Jared

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Afternoon Crumbs

February 18, 2019 / Posted by:

At Victoria Beckham’s fashion show in London, her 7-year-old daughter Harper Beckham showed up with an Anna Wintour-like ‘do and dared to sit near the Dark Priestess of Fashion, which David Beckham joked about in an Instagram Story. Sure, you might think that Anna Wintour would lose it over a child working her haircut and working it better, but I doubt it. Anna was too busy cackling over Posh being so desperate to get on the cover of American Vogue that she forced her daughter to get Anna’s haircut! – Celebitchy

Just when I was about to throw a side-eye over Hollywood making us think that Seth Rogen could get with Charlize Theron (even Charlize Theron in a two cent wig), I remembered that she humped on Sean Penn once – Lainey Gossip

Even Glamberace thrusting his silver leather-covered crotch while screeching out Bohemian Rhapsody can’t save this year’s Oscars – Towleroad

RIP to Lucifer and all of his minions, because I’m sure they all froze to death from Bella Thorne covering up with a turtleneck – Drunken Stepfather

The spirit of Miss Cleo must’ve taken over the body of a Starbucks marketing executive, because I’m just the kind of basic bitch who orders an iced Americano – OMG Blog

Why did I think this was Max Headroom in drag for a minute? – Popoholic

Prepare to cleanse your eyeballs with Ajax, because a Justin and Hailey Bieber reality shit show might be upon us – Reality Tea

This is why Marvel nerds cry today: Netflix canceled Jessica Jones and The PunisherJust Jared

Pic: Instagram

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