Category: Afternoon Crumbs

Afternoon Crumbs

March 16, 2018 / Posted by:

The final trailer for Avengers: Infinity War, starring approximately 9 trillion Marvel superheroes, is out, and it’s about some big buff roid queen who wants to get a hold of some stones so he can destroy half of humanity. Err, no thanks. I’ll wait for the gay porn parody where a big buff roid queen gets a hold of some stones, makes an extra powerful string of anal beads out of ’em and uses that to destroy the assholes of the Assvengers. I’m a ceniphile like that – Lainey Gossip

Meghan Markle is apparently paying for all of her own clothes until she gets married, that includes the $75,000 gown she wore in her engagement pictures. Either someone is farting lies into our eyes, or I expect for eBay user NotMeghanMarkleISwear to sell “a $75,000 gown that’s been touched by Prince Harry’s hands.” RIP to my credit cards if that happens – Celebitchy

It was so gracious of Phoebe Price to pose with her fans – Reality Tea

My incompetent DVR failed to record last night’s finale of RuPaul’s Drag Race All-Stars 3, and I think it was saving me from having to scream my hair off over (SPOILER ALERT) Shangela not ending up in the final 2. Thank you, DVR (for once) – Towleroad

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Afternoon Crumbs

March 9, 2018 / Posted by:

Here we go with “Poor Miserable Jen: The Sequel….” Star magazine claims that 46-year-old Justin Theroux has already moved on (and may have moved on before he even split from Jennifer Aniston) to 25-year-old artist/photographer/model/sedated Victorian apparition Petra Collins. In nearly every picture I’ve seen of Petra Collins, she looks like she’s sleeping with her eyes open, and that open-eyed comatose face will come in handy for her. Because Justin won’t think anything when she actually falls asleep with her eyes open as he burps out shit about art – Celebitchy

Benedict Cumberbatch looks more like The Grinch than that tragic CGI Grinch does – Lainey Gossip

Casting directors for The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills are looking for “strong, self-confident” women to be on the show. If they’re looking for that, they need to fire all of those boring messes and replace them with Joan Collins, Linda Evans, Diahann Carroll, Stephanie Beacham and Kate O’Mara, and finally give us the proper Dynasty revival we all deserve – Reality Tea

Thanks to Bermuda banning marriage equality, they aren’t going to see a dime of Ellen DeGeneres’ money – Towleroad

Posh Beckham looks like a lady Darth Vader if lady Darth Vader lived on the prairie – Drunken Stepfather

“Hello, welcome to the Circus Gangster Cafe, I am Margot and I’ll be your sever this evening.” – Popoholic

Kristen Wiig is officially playing Cheetah in the Wonder Woman sequel – Pajiba

It’s a damn shame that Shape Magazine scrubbed the raver lot lizard elegance off of Bella Thorne – Hollywood Tuna

Judith Regan claims that O.J. Simpson was ready to admit the obvious – IndieWire 

NOT CLAIRE’S! It may soon be the end of an era, and you’ll have to find a new place in the mall to catch an ear lobe infection after getting them pierced – Jezebel



Afternoon Crumbs

February 23, 2018 / Posted by:

Jennifer Lawrence is “self-educated,” because she dropped out of school at 14 to do acting stuff full-time. Suddenly, it all makes sense! JLaw talks and acts like a 14-year-old fart joke-loving bro because she didn’t get it out of her system in 8th grade homeroom. I’m not sure what my excuse is, though – HuffPo

For why is Jared Leto dressed like Debbie Rowe? – Lainey Gossip

James Van Der Beek’s wife is going to birth out another blondie. Congrats to the makers of purple shampoo! – SOW

Posh Spice busted her foot while skiing. The good news is that this doesn’t take her out of the Spice Girls reunion tour that may or may not happen since she all she does is stand there and point. Now if she broke her finger, that’d be a different story – Just Jared

Actress turned professional social media trick Busy Phillips snorted garlic water on Instagram. And now you know the answer to the question, “Is there anything Busy Phillips won’t do on Instagram?” The answer is NO, by the way  – Celebitchy

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Afternoon Crumbs

February 20, 2018 / Posted by:

Jennifer Lawrence is out in London selling that Black Swan meets Russian Atomic Blonde movie, and during a photo call she worked a look that said: One of the three blind mice in Angelina Jolie at the Oscars drag – Lainey Gossip

The tabloids said that Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux’s marriage bit a giant shit cake because she wants to mostly live in L.A. and he wants to mostly live in NYC. Now UsWeekly is saying that when he was in L.A., he stayed in the guest house away from her. Next we’re going to hear that Jennifer and Justin have actually never met and the “Justin” she’s been seen with was a hologram – Celebitchy

Bravo should really have all the viewers sign an STD clause because I’ve gotten several just from watching some of their shows – Reality Tea

Gus Kenworthy wants you to see his nipples, cum gutters, ass, thighs, and I guess that bruise too. And that bruise is why I don’t play sports. Well that bruise and a thing called “requires physical activity” – Towleroad

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Afternoon Crumbs

February 16, 2018 / Posted by:

Aaron Paul and his wife Lauren Parsekian have named their first kid, a daughter, Story Annabelle Paul. Aaron and Lauren must be Punky Brewster fans. The name works for me. I mean, Aaron slobbers out pure cheese about his wife “Pretty Bird” so much that it’s fitting that their child have the initials SAP – Celebitchy

I don’t know why Isabelle Huppert is wearing almost the same denim suit I wore as a toddler during an Olan Mills family photoshoot, but I do know that she wore it better – Lainey Gossip

Cynthia Bailey of Real Housewives of Atlanta may have broken up with her sole storyline this season – Reality Tea

Gus Kenworthy broke his thumb, so he can’t shake Mike Pence’s hand, but he’s still got a working middle finger that he can use to tell the VP how he really feels – Towleroad

Forgot to wear pants: Blake Lively did – Drunken Stepfather

I never noticed this before, but Bradley Whitford with sunglasses on sort of gives me mini Warren Beatty vibes – Pajiba

Natalie Portman showed up to an event dressed like a spoiled rich toddler going to a fancy funeral – Popoholic

Professional house hunters (it feels like they’re always house hunting) Ben Affleck and Lindsay Shookus hit up the pap stroll today – Just Jared



Afternoon Crumbs

February 15, 2018 / Posted by:

The Great Value Luke Perry known as Drake Bell went the Great Value Nick Jonas route by doing a video where he rubs on a chick, pretends to go down on her and throws lukewarm sex me eyes at the camera as she gives him a head massage. Since the chick was rubbing all over him, she should’ve squirted a good moisturizer on her hands and rubbed his face (sexy-like, of course) too, because his mug is looking parched – Just Jared

And here’s Drake Bell looking like he’s holding a guinea pig over his crotch – Instagram

The Lifetime version of Meghan Markle has been given a $1 wig worthy of a Lifetime shit show. And let’s not talk about that Prince Cold Ginger-From-A-Box Lainey Gossip 

Speaking of ginger don’ts – Celebitchy

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