Category: Afternoon Crumbs

Afternoon Crumbs

February 18, 2019 / Posted by:

At Victoria Beckham’s fashion show in London, her 7-year-old daughter Harper Beckham showed up with an Anna Wintour-like ‘do and dared to sit near the Dark Priestess of Fashion, which David Beckham joked about in an Instagram Story. Sure, you might think that Anna Wintour would lose it over a child working her haircut and working it better, but I doubt it. Anna was too busy cackling over Posh being so desperate to get on the cover of American Vogue that she forced her daughter to get Anna’s haircut! – Celebitchy

Just when I was about to throw a side-eye over Hollywood making us think that Seth Rogen could get with Charlize Theron (even Charlize Theron in a two cent wig), I remembered that she humped on Sean Penn once – Lainey Gossip

Even Glamberace thrusting his silver leather-covered crotch while screeching out Bohemian Rhapsody can’t save this year’s Oscars – Towleroad

RIP to Lucifer and all of his minions, because I’m sure they all froze to death from Bella Thorne covering up with a turtleneck – Drunken Stepfather

The spirit of Miss Cleo must’ve taken over the body of a Starbucks marketing executive, because I’m just the kind of basic bitch who orders an iced Americano – OMG Blog

Why did I think this was Max Headroom in drag for a minute? – Popoholic

Prepare to cleanse your eyeballs with Ajax, because a Justin and Hailey Bieber reality shit show might be upon us – Reality Tea

This is why Marvel nerds cry today: Netflix canceled Jessica Jones and The PunisherJust Jared

Pic: Instagram

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Afternoon Crumbs

February 1, 2019 / Posted by:

Those of you (read: probably everyone) who labeled that Harry Styles face tattoo as a STUNT QUEEN stunt, prepare to shit your internal organs out from shock, it’s 100% real. No, it’s not. Kelsy Karter, the singer who nobody knew but now knows because of that mess on her cheek, has admitted that the Harry Styles tattoo (or swollen Justin Bieber with a bowl of noodles on his head tattoo) that she got on her face is not real and she did it to promote her song. Well, thanks Kelsy, now because of you, I will never trust anyone again! – Just Jared

Not pictured: the 99 people in the room who didn’t believe in Lady Gaga during her A Star Is Born screen test with The One – Lainey Gossip

Ellen Page dragged the ever-loving hell out of Trump, Pence, and the media for the racist and homophobic attack on Jussie SmollettTowleroad

While I’m all for Hayden Panettiere bringing a touch of elegance to her ensemble with that underboob, I’m wondering what in six kinds of ugly are those pajamas pants? – Drunken Stepfather 

That muffled sound you hear is Lindsey Pelas’ suffocating chichis screaming for mercy – Popoholic

Cut to Cookie Dookie putting the cat in catfish by making a Tinder profile to trick Larissa Dos Santos from 90 Day FianceReality Tea

Tekashi 6ix9ine pleaded guilty to a bunch of federal charges and is probably headed for the chokey – Bossip

Okay, but whose baby caca’d on Duchess Meghan’s boots after eating smashed peas? – Celebitchy

Michael Avenatti is off the hook and won’t face domestic violence charges – NBC News

Pic: YouTube

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Afternoon Crumbs

January 18, 2019 / Posted by:

Ariana Grande put out a new eardrum-destroy song called 7 Rings (working title: Suck On My 7 Diamond-Encrusted Cock Rings, Poor Bitches!), and it samples My Favorite Things from The Sound of Music. Yes, Mary Martin farting out the melody to My Favorite Things would sound better than this mess, but I will give Ariana points for doing herself up like a stripper ram working the day shift of a kitchen (???) in a strip club in Etheria somewhere – Just Jared

John Mayer’s body is a wonderland if a wonderland was a midwestern Salvation Army circa 1987 – Lainey Gossip

I haven’t started watching the third season of True Detective yet, but there’s a chance the finale could be messier than that clearance section Sandy Duncan wig on Stephen Dorff’s head – Pajiba

Steve-O’s addiction to the bad shit touched the sewer under the basement under the cellar under the bottom of the barrel when he knowingly snorted coke mixed with HIV-positive blood – Towleroad

It took my half-broken eyeballs way too long to realize that chick with Lily-Rose Depp isn’t Taylor Swift in a neckbrace made of coffee filters – Popoholic

Rita Ora obviously doesn’t know true elegance when she sees it, because taking a washcloth to that Blade Runner cholita look should be a crime! – Drunken Stepfather

Dina Lohan claims she’s not going to hook up with anybody in the Has-Beens And Never-Wases Celebrity Big Brother house because that kind of shit is for kids and she’s sort of seeing a dude. Cut to Dina Lohan’s dude telling Radar he’s done with her after scandalous CBB video comes out of her making out with a bottle of Svedka while giving a hand job to a bottle of Jack – Reality Tea 

In my heaven, this is what the angels look like – OMG Blog

Pic: YouTube

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Afternoon Crumbs

January 4, 2019 / Posted by:

Timothee Chalamet got the Spotlight Award at the Palm Springs International Film Festival last night, and I hope he doused himself with Drakkar Noir to complete the “bully at a prep school circa 1986″ look he was going for. And I also hope he filed a complaint with the hotel he got ready at and let them know that they are dead wrong for installing black market shower heads from Yugoslavia in their bathrooms  – Lainey Gossip 

If your kink is thinking about Emma Stone finger fucking a sponge between Olivia Colman’s legs, congratulations to you, and congratulations to the makers of lotion since you’re going to use a lot of it while fapping to this – Pajiba

A valid reason (and possibly the only reason) for me to adopt kids: so I can use them to get on the new Double DareTowleroad

Please don’t tell me that Backdoor Farrah made her daughter/assistant strategically place those poor rose petals – Drunken Stepfather

Horror movie maker Dr. Pimple Popper hates horror movies – Celebitchy

Why do I have a feeling that this is going to be Quentin Tarantino’s new phone wallpaper? – Popoholic

Danielle Staub’s messy storyline for next season of The Real HouseWrecks of New Jersey just got messier – Reality Tea 

Pic: Wenn.com

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Afternoon Crumbs

December 28, 2018 / Posted by:

The Sun thought they dropped some ESCANDALOSO shit by claiming that Duchess Meghan and her first husband gave out weed in gift bags to guests at their wedding. I’m sure this will ROCK the palace and piss THE QUEEN off, and only because she wishes Meghan had weed in gift bags at her second wedding too, because everyone might’ve chilled out if they had some good shit to toke on – Lainey Gossip

Is Rita Ora celebrating Halloween really late by dressing as one of Kunty Karl’s maids or like a slutty Amish chick? – Popoholic

I am highly offended by this cute picture of a sailor kissing his man, and only because they are heartlessly flaunting the fact that they’re getting some and I’m not – Towleroad

Here’s the sun touching Nicole Kidman’s skin after she probably sprayed SPF 56,000 on herself, and that’s great and everything, but I wish the paparazzi would’ve gotten pictures of Keith Urban squirting lemons onto his locks before laying out – Drunken Stepfather 

This could be used as a PSA warning you against the dangers of (insert the name of whatever drug Bella Thorne and her friend were on when deciding to do this) – Hollywood Tuna

D.J. Conner is single! – SOW

This list is incomplete without La Bruja, and I know that Real Housewives of Miami was canceled, but they could export her to another city that is in desperate need of her charisma and glamour! – Reality Tea  

Vincent Cassel IS Josh Duhamel’s hero and inspiration – Celebitchy

The Hanson’s child army is growing…. – Just Jared

Pic: The Sun

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Afternoon Crumbs

December 21, 2018 / Posted by:

Cardi B’s HIGH ART stripper robber-themed video for Money is out, and I guess they blew the budget on ho shit Cleopatra looks and hats-on-steroids, and didn’t have enough money for wigs. So it was very gracious of RuPaul to let Cardi borrow her Supermodel video wig – Jezebel

Expect the floor of the internet to get covered with more saliva from hos drooling over that Noah Centineo dude, because To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before is getting a sequel, officially – Lainey Gossip

If you’re wondering why there’s a long ass line outside of Memorial Sloan Kettering in NYC, it’s just from people lining up to throw their lungs at Justice Ruth Bader GinsburgTowleroad

Never mind that Aubrey O’Day is giving herself a peppermint-flavored yeast infection, what in bootleg Detox as Dracula HELL are those eyebrows and makeup? – Drunken Stepfather

I’m only here for the GIF of Tom Selleck’s glorious chest rug – Pajiba

Felicity Jones is giving you “I didn’t brush my hair and I’m wearing inside/out FedEx paks, but eat it up, tricks!”Popoholic

JWoww’s ex thought he had $25,000 worth of ESCANDALOSO shit to expose her with, and he got arrested for it – Reality Tea

The Gingerbread Men WAR takes a turn after it’s revealed that THE QUEEN is prejudiced against them!!! – Celebitchy

Pic: YouTube

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