Category: Afternoon Crumbs

Afternoon Crumbs

August 25, 2014 / Posted by:

NeNe Leakes (seen here in a wet suit, because why the hell not) nominated all the other Real Housewives for the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge, and Teresa Giudice was like “Sure, I gotta train for prison somehow”Reality Tea

But for why is Gwen Stefani dressed like the hostess of a Body Glove-themed restaurant? – Celebitchy

As someone who is terrified of stepping my bare feet on random shit at the beach, these pictures of Alessandra Ambrosia Salad are making me incredibly anxious – Hollywood Tuna

As it turns out, when you dump cold water onto Sarah Palin, she sounds exactly like the grape-stomping lady – Towleroad

Vanessa Hudgens says she hated the attention she got from the boys in high school, so she tried to ugly-it-up by shopping at Hot Topic. Hey, it worked for me! – WWTDD

Selena Gomez looks like she’s slowly starting to morph into Kim Kardashian, which can only mean one thing: Naya Rivera is having her lawyer draw up an angry cease-and-desist as we speak – The Superficial

It looks like Taryn Manning is wearing a breastplate from BoobsForQueens.com, which is ALWAYS the look – Drunken Stepfather

The video for “Bang Bang” starring a human Baby Dolly Surprise doll, a come-to-life Crank Yankers puppet, and a low-budget “Can’t Hold Us Down” Xtina is here! – Jezebel

Justin Theroux nominated Jennifer Aniston for the Ice Bucket Challenge, and she responded by nominating him to sleep on the couch for the rest of the week – Lainey Gossip

Even the picture of Andy Warhol on Joe Manganiello’s shirt is like: “I know, I can’t believe the 15 minutes on this relationship isn’t up yet either”Popoholic

Amanda Peet is once, twice, three times a knocked-up lady – Popsugar

This cat could get easily get a job applying makeup at the Clinique counter at Macy’s – The Berry

Liberty Ross says she has nothing but “love, respect, and compassion” for her ex-husband Rupert Sanders, which is the fancy British way of saying “I GOT THAT MINI COOPER CHEATER CASH, BITCHES!!”ICYDK

Here’s Gerard Butler grabbing some random trick’s ass. In other news: water still wet, sky still blue  – Just Jared

Pic: Instragram

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Afternoon Crumbs

July 7, 2014 / Posted by:

Awkward is Posh Beckham and Samuel L. Jackson at Wimbledon. My guess is that things got level 10 awkward when Posh said to SLJ, “My boys loved you in The Matrix.” – Lainey Gossip 

Jessica Simpson screwed up her wedding vows because she’s Jessica Simpson – Celebitchy

I’m disappointed in Mama Joyce for not releasing the lions that Kandi Burruss had at her wedding – Reality Tea

Seeing Cameron Diaz touch Benji Madden’s tattooed bloated bag of a body makes me think that he must have a permanently rock hard 10 inch dick that shoots out tequila when you tickle his nuts - Drunken Stepfather

Megan Fox’s candle wax face looks almost human here – Drunken Stepfather

Lance Bass looks like a pool algae mess, but he also gets to wet hump a hot piece every night, so I guess he’s winning in the end (put intended) – Towleroad

If Ana Gasteyer played Ke$ha’s mom in an SNL skit about a drunken astrologist – OMG Blog

Christina Milian wore a monokini thing on the Fourth of July - Hollywood Tuna

Kevin Smith trolled the nerds or something, but the real story here is that picture of Batman and Superman is factually incorrect. Batman is supposed to be the top! – The Superficial

Kaley Cuoco wore one of Mrs. Roper’s nightgowns to the beach – Popoholic

And three seconds later, Lady CaCa posted a picture of thousands of North Koreans fake crying while seeing their leader and wrote, “Here’s my Little Monsters greeting me backstage after the show”Boy Culture

Sarah Palin wants to do The View and I’m all for it if Rosie O’Donnell comes back, because I wouldn’t need my morning cup of meth-infused coffee if I woke up to the sight of Rosie skinning the hell out of Sarah Palin – Jezebel

Wonky McValtrex celebrates Fourth of July and some say she’s the most patriotic ho on the stroll since red, white and blue pus leaks out of a dude’s peen slit after he bareback bones her – ICYDK

Excuse me while I slap the shit out of my retinas for thinking this was John Travolta for a second – The Backlot

Leonardo DiCatchAHo has gone head first into his “giving no fucks” phase of life and Jack Nicholson should not be amused by the comparison – HuffPo

If you need a palate cleanser after tasting the scent of rancid dick cheese that wafted off of that Leonardo DiCatchAHo picture, here’s ASkars’ bare ass – Just Jared

Laura Jeanne Poon’s son is growing – Popsugar

Pic: Splash

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Fourth Of July Crumbs

July 4, 2014 / Posted by:

NOOOOOOOO! This is the worst Fourth of July ever. My wiener-swallowing idol Sonya “The Black Widow” Thomas lost her title as the Queen of the Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest when she was beat in the women’s match by Miki Sudo who gobbled down 34 dogs to her 27 3/4 dogs. I was kind of expecting the speed blow job giver of Britain to enter at the last minute and show all of them how to inhale dozens of soggy dogs in seconds. And on the men’s side, Joey Chestnut won for the eight hundredth time, because his bowls are not human   – Gothamist

Mya isn’t Jay-Z’s kept side piece and Beyonce is still letting everyone know she has the perfect, most wonderful-est family in the world - Lainey Gossip

If Joan Rivers really wanted to tell a joke that would make Ann Coulter cackle while furiously jacking her own dick off, she succeeded! – Towleroad

Cosmo used the “lipo” Photoshop tool on Iggy Azalea’s triple-stuffed ass – Celebitchy

I don’t think Michelle Rodriguez and pretty pretty princess Zac Efron are anything but friends, because if they were something more, he’d be rolling around in a wheelchair. You know Michelle Rodriguez would tear that delicate ass up with a strap-on – The Superficial

MiserAlba is in GQ doing an impersonation of someone watching one of her movies – Popoholic

Kate Upton giving you Boca Raton nana – Holllywood Tuna

Usually Burger King brings people to tears by serving up some diarrhea-inducing shit that will make you weep while spending hours on the toilet, but this time they brought people to tears for a different reason – OMG Blog

Lea Michele isn’t knocked up, she just got hacked. Like Lea would ever give out that information for free and not on the cover of Life & Style. We all know her too well – Wonderwall

Rob Kardashian doesn’t have a secret son, but judging by his belly, he might have a secret set of triples coming very soon – Buzzfeed

Austria’s national flower won an award - The Blemish

Either the escort game in Britain is like no other or someone’s missing a $10,000 Givenchy bag – Celebslam

Pic: AP

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Afternoon Crumbs

July 2, 2014 / Posted by:

Oh Posh Spice, always a British Vogue coverghoul, never an American Vogue coverghoul. And on this one, the dog is stealing the shine from her and that dog isn’t even trying - Lainey Gossip 

Rupert Everett cries about how he didn’t make it as a leading man, because he’s openly gay, but he really needs to be crying about what his plastic surgeon did to his face – Towleroad

SPOILER ALERT: Citizens of Fantastica, this is what your Christmas card from Falkor is going to look like this year - Drunken Stepfather

Portia de Rossi went to rehab for a month – Celebitchy

The time that Quentin Tarantino wished he had the power to take over Hailey Baldwin’s bodyThe Superficial

What the power of Ray J’s piss stream can do - Reality Tea

So I guess Kendra Wilkinson’s wedding ring is still floating amongst the turds in the Calabasas sewer somewhere – WWTDD

Two out of four Pretty Little Liar girls are in a bikini – Hollywood Tuna

It’s times like these when I ask myself, why in the hell can’t my dog be Internet famous so I can whore him out for some Cheerios money? – Jezebel

If Betty Boop got her hair relaxed and became a hipster – Popoholic

Joe ManJello’s turtle shell abs and nips on PeopleBoy Culture

Ridley Scott’s idea of Ancient Egypt: White people, lots and lots of white people – Pajiba

This list of 16 Reasons To Love Tim Howard needs more tattooed nipples – Popsugar

A still right out of Richard Simmons’ audition for American Horror StorySOW

In case you needed to be reminded that Chris Pratt used to be a big, old chubby teddy bear – The Berry

When moody sunlight through soft curtains meet Thomas Jane’s ass - OMG Blog

Hermione Granger is in trouble with La Migra – ICYDK

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Afternoon Crumbs

July 1, 2014 / Posted by:

Pee-Chee folders and Trapper Keepers have been given a second life as iPad cases. I just hope that on the Pee-Chee folder iPad case you can draw a moustache on that tennis player and draw a dildo in that runner’s hand. It’s a shitty impostor and I don’t want to have anything to do with it if you can’t – Jezebel

If you looked at Grindr while at Glastonbury and thought the drugs were lying to you when Bradley Cooper’s picture popped up, the drugs probably weren’t lying to you – Lainey Gossip

Why am I disappointed that Duchess Kate didn’t wear a dress with pictures of pink goats all over it? – Celebitchy

Carmen Electra lets us know that the secret to her youthful appearance is plenty of generic brand Botox bought in Tijuana and lots of Photoshop – Drunken Stepfather

Bryan Singer’s directing another X-Men movie, so expect a new mutant that’s a white twink who has the ability to eat peen with his butt and hold his head under water while swallowing snakes. The open call will be held in Bryan’s backyard – The Superficial

I love Adore Delano’s cover of “We Didn’t Start The Fire”Towleroad

Congratulations to Teen Mom Jenelle’s mom Barbara who will take care of that kid for the next 18 years – Reality Tea

Here’s JLo’s ass in jeans if that’s what you need to complete your Tuesday - Hollywood Tuna

Justin Bieber is an app mogul now – IDLYITW

If one of your life long dreams is to wake up with Bob from Twink Peak’s face staring back at you from the foot of the bed, you’re a sucio whore and your dream could come true if you have $550,000 – OMG Blog

Okay, yeah, I can see Rose McGowan’s nipples, but why is she wearing processed film as a top? – WWTDD

Eva Amurri is really knocked up with Susan Sarandon’s grandchild – Popoholic

Cameron Diaz gets all naked in Sex TapeICYDK

Robin Williams is back in rehab for a little maintenance – HuffPo

Lauren Conrad is where a nap goes for inspiration to be more nap-like – The Berry

David Beckham is topless and constipated in new ads for H&M panties – Popsugar

This didn’t need to happen – Pajiba

Community refuses to die, will move to Yahoo where hopefully they can show bare Joel McHale ass – SOW

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Afternoon Crumbs

June 30, 2014 / Posted by:

Prince Hot Ginge spent the weekend in Chile where he served up some, sweet ginger moves with a bunch of kids and greeted a toddler who is obviously a Morrissey fan. I’m sitting here asking myself, if I was a parent to a toddler and my toddler threw a “Don’t even think of touching my beanie” side-eye at Prince Hot Ginge, would I immediately hand her off to a stranger, tell him the child isn’t mine and then divorce her? Yeah, definitely. Baby would be on her own after that   - Lainey Gossip 

Olivia Palmero wore shorts to her wedding, because ~FASHUN~ – Celebitchy

Mushu the Dragon and Ron Perlman in his Beast makeup are coming back to The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills - Reality Tea

If I didn’t read the headline, I would’ve guessed this was a melting JLoDrunken Stepfather

IN THIS ECONOMY, JLo has to wear her old Fly Girl costumes - The Superficial

Apple’s gay-but-not-totally-out-out CEO marched at San Francisco Pride – Towleroad

BET invited the herp sore that a rat chewed off of 2006′s twat to the BET Awards, because they totally forgot about the time she said that black guys are gross – WWTDD

Alex Pettyfer pets his crotch fur – OMG Blog

Ashanti brought some skanky Reno, NV stripper bride glamour to the BET Awards - Hollywood Tuna

Nancy Sinatra, please consult your attorney, and file a grand theft lawsuit against Ariana Grande Latte for stealing your ensemble – Popoholic

Robin Thicke and Paula Patton’s publicity stunt split is still happening – Jezebel

Why would I not be surprised if the anti-fap cross wasn’t a gag and why wouldn’t I really be surprised if Jim Bob Duggar invented it? – Boy Culture

Orange Is The New Black does NYC Pride – Pajiba

Military Monday needs a whole lot more military nipples - The Berry

Noted shit head Justin Bieber visited noted shit head Floyd Mayweather’s kids after they were in a car crash and he played his music for them, because I guess he felt like they hadn’t been hurt enough – ICYDK

“Hmm, where have I seen those moves before?” said every Skid Row drug dealer while watching Zac Efron wiggle his ass in Italy – Popsugar

Ken Watanabe is the new King in the King & I revival on Broadway – Just Jared

Pic: Getty

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Afternoon Crumbs

June 26, 2014 / Posted by:

NBC has apparently offered the butt of Britain Pippa Middleton a correspondent job on Today. I don’t think NBC thought this through. Do they realize how many class action lawsuits they’ll get hit with from viewers who suffer heart attacks while watching Today? I mean, the OMGexciting personalities of Savannah Guthrie, Carson Daly, Jenna Bush Hager AND Pippa Middleton all on the same show? I don’t think humans are built to handle that much excitement – ICYDK

The trailer for Fury is out and Brad Pitt plays a character named Wardaddy, but they really should call him Warbaggy, because those Hefty bags under his eyes could fit he entire child army and all their toys - Lainey Gossip

LeAnn Rimes really wants a baby in her Falkor womb and Eddie Cibrian wants her to get a dog instead. That’s really confident of Eddie, because you’d think he’d want to be the only bitch in LeAnn’s life – Celebitchy

Huh, what is that thing lifting us up, we’ve never felt that before, I’m scared, WHAT IS THIS?” – Brit Brit’s Cheetos tits when she put them in a bra – Drunken Stepfather

Are we sure that’s not Carrot Top with his hair straightened? – The Superficial

But when is Million Dollar Listing LA going to make Josh Flagg’s hot grandma a full-time cast member? – Reality Tea

Luke Grimes reportedly quit True Blood because he didn’t want to do gay stuff with Lafayette. Wait, his ass didn’t want to do gay stuff with one of True Blood’s best characters? Blacklist from Hollywood and the world! – Towleroad

When Lea Michele’s butt is in a bikini and gets wet, this is what it looks like – Hollywood Tuna

RiRi gave her nipples the day off and did herself up in “modest” wear for Harper’s Bazaar ArabiaJezebel

Two things: Where’s this Congressional Chief of Staff dick pic that a porn star tweeted out and that porn star looks like she’s visiting from the 70s – WWTDD

Something to warm the mound of death beef you call a heart: a sweet father and daughter dance – The Berry

Wonky McVatrex giving you 99 Cent Store brand Sex Slave Barbie – Popsugar

Gwen Stefani IS vato chic – Popoholic

Methinks Mad Max’s codpiece is circumcised – Boy Culture

A pussy gives Marky Mark its official review of the new Transformers movie – SOW

Vintage Brad Pitt (and Pringles are involved) – HuffPo

Doogie Howser isn’t a vagina virgin – Pajiba

Samantha Micelli is still really knocked up - Just Jared

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Afternoon Crumbs

June 25, 2014 / Posted by:

Donna Martin and Kelly Taylor are out there selling their ABC family show Mystery Girls (working title: 2 Broke Girls Who Need A Check) and in every picture there’s a dude in a yellow shirt saying what we’re all thinking: “Uh, where’s Brenda?” – Lainey Gossip 

Miley Cyrus just kicked your childhood in the dick by doing the Urkel – Drunken Stepfather

Lupita Nyong’o does the hand-to-face pose (aka my favorite pose) for her first Lancome ad – Celebitchy

Great, here’s to another season of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills of Yolanda Foster creaming about her delicious lemons and her wonderful husband and her perfect life. Barf. – Reality Tea

Kim Kartrashian pushes around a stroller with her back-up ass in it and pretends like North West is in there – The Superficial

Chanelle Hayes is a thing that still exists. At least I think that’s Chanelle Hayes, but one of Jocelyn Wildenstein’s cheek implants could’ve escaped, mutated and become a life of its own – Hollywood Tuna

Call a preist! A reasonable demon with a working brain possessed R. Kelly’s body – Towleroad

The Silver Fox giggling about vagina is all the medicine I need today – Popsugar

Olivia Munn and Aaron Rodger’s contract hasn’t expired yet – Popoholic

Something I really needed to see today: Dakota Fanning’s transparent ass cheeks – WWTDD

Useful life tips that none of us will never use – The Berry

Matt Lauer should’ve interviewed that empty tea cup instead – Jezebel

Melissa McCarthy used to cry about everything – ICYDK

World War 3 is about to go down thanks to James Franco and Seth RogenBuzzfeed

Dustin Lance Black sucks the Twinkie cream out of Tom Daley in a parking lot and I just realized that I made it sound like they were 69-ing on top of the hood of their car – OMG Blog

Lourdes Leon is going to the university her mom dropped out of – Just Jared

What happens when a baby discovers eyebrows for the first time. Someone give him a Sharpie so his mind could really be blown – SOW

Pic: Splash

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Afternoon Crumbs

June 24, 2014 / Posted by:

Princess Charlene, who’s serving up Mischa Barton as Princess Diana in a Lifetime biopic realness, was at the Monaco Yacht Club with her warden/husband and I don’t know if she’s just always sad in the face or she’s just numb from getting tasered so many times while trying to escape – Lainey Gossip 

Meanwhile, Elle Fanning is still dressing like she’s on the cover of Seventeen’s prom edition circa 1989 and St. Angie Jolie is still dressing like she’s going from the office to a funeral circa 1986 – Celebitchy

I know that’s black sand, but it looks like Emily Ratatouille’s got coffee grounds all over her tits – Hollywood Tuna

The paparazzi got burned by a knocked up garden gnome – Drunken Stepfather

….says the cracked out fame whore who would’ve eaten a rat’s ass to get famous – WWTDD

In other words, students at the LA Trade Technical school were punished by being forced to listen to Kanye West caca at the mouth about fashion – Reality Tea

Dude does 15 Game of Thrones character impressions and that’s impressive and everything, but I’ll save my clapping for when he does 15 impressions from Pacific Palisades, a true television masterpiece – Towleroad

Han Solo ruined Star Wars 7 - The Superficial

Rebekah Brooks was acquitted of all charges in the News of the World phone hacking trial and I’m calling it now. Glenne Headley is playing her in the movie – Jezebel

The last living actors of 10 class Hollywood films – Boy Culture

American Idol is trying it again – ICYDK

If Pippi Longstocking was Mexican, made terrible decisions and had the same taste in sunglasses as Ozzy OsbournePopoholic

Big Brother 16 hasn’t even started yet and I’m already staring at pictures of a houseguest’s butt rug - OMG Blog

THE QUEEN visits the Game of Thrones set and in every picture she’s saying, “Okay, but where’s the man ass and nipples?” – Just Jared

Inked up hot pieces alert – The Berry

Lana Del Rey responds to Frances Bean Cobain responding to Lana Del Rey and I’m patiently awaiting for Frances Bean Cobain to respond to Lana Del Rey responding to Frances Bean Cobain responding to Lana Del Rey – HuffPo

KumYe dressed North West up like a mini Vanessa Hudgens for Kidchella and North West does not appreciate it – Popsugar

Pic: Getty

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Afternoon Crumbs

March 27, 2014 / Posted by:

Many thank yous to Lainey for posting this video of ASkars and Prince Hot Ginge in a tent together. They’re fully clothed and there’s other people around, but I’ll still find a way to pinch my nips to this while playing TLC’s “Red Light Special” in the background – Lainey Gossip

And just like that, the Hamptons announces that it’s working on a bill to make Sasquatches illegal – Reality Tea

If Falkor Rimes really is as broke as her tit job, expect her to join the cast of Galloping with the Stars while Eddie Cibrian trolls hotel bars for rich widows – Celebitchy

Being a multi-millionaire mom with a team of nannies, chefs, drivers, assistants and tutors is hard: a story by Goopy PaltrowThe Superficial

Rosie Huntington-Whateverly does topless blackface in a shoot that I’m guessing was art directed by Julianne HoughDrunken Stepfather

But how does Larry King know that we haven’t already had a gay president? (I’m looking at you, Taft) – Towleroad

Cindy Crawford giving herself a breast exam and making “trout gasping for air” faces for an Omega photo shoot – Hollywood Tuna

Kendall and Kywhatever Jenner need to take a Photoshop course from Kim KardashianIDLYITW

Lindsay Lohan took a sledgehammer to a car with the cast of HIMYM’s faces on it and this feels like a metaphor for something… – Jezebel

And here’s Mila Kunis’baby bump,” which I like to call “my gut if I starved myself and hooked my b-hole up to a colonic machine for a week” – Popoholic

Now all I need is a Vine account devoted to DJ Lady Tribe from Rock of Love and life is complete – Buzzfeed

Trace Adkins’ wife took their marriage out back and shot it – ICYDK

Um, shouldn’t there be a foot-and-a-half tall tent pole sticking out of that bedspread? – The Berry

Leave it to a pasty man ass to make me miss Secret Diary of a Call GirlOMG Blog

Looking HAWT in a bee-kinny: Brit Brit is trying to by sucking it in for her life – Popsugar

The list of The 10 Best TV Theme Songs Clocking In At Under 20 Seconds has shown me that all TV theme songs should be longer than 20 seconds and should be sung by the lady who sung the Golden Girls theme song – Pajiba

Yup, Drew Barrymore’s got a CASE OF THE BABIES!!! in a big way – Just Jared

And Sarah Palin just came – SOW

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