Category: Afternoon Crumbs

Afternoon Crumbs

November 26, 2021 / Posted by:

The two hairs left on Prince William’s dome were snatched off by the internet for opening his entitled yap hole and saying that people in Africa are having too many children and it’s harming wildlife in the continent. But as many are telling P. Willy to shut his mouth on a silver spoon full of STFU for having three children and being part of a family that is known for birthing out heirs, I’m sure the word hypocrisy hugged him tight while saying, “Thank you for once again redefining me.” – Pajiba

The Grammys pulled a fuck effort move to be more “inclusive and diverse” at the last minute by adding more nominees to the top categories, which is how Taylor Swift and Kanye West got in. And again, they say they did it to be more diverse, which is a weird way of saying “to try to get people to actually watch this shit”Celebitchy

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Afternoon Crumbs

September 3, 2021 / Posted by:

Quick programming note: We’ll be around tomorrow and Sunday, but because Monday is Labor Day, we’ll be off to laboriously shove deliciousness and booze into our mouths. Now on to Crumbs.

It wouldn’t be a Friday before a holiday weekend without some celebrity break-up news. Case in point: About a year after Kaley Cuoco and Karl Cook finally moved in together, they have announced that their 3-year-old marriage is done. They released the usual celebrity split announcement by saying that there’s no drama, they still love and respect each other, and that they are simply going in “opposite directions.” Some might think Kaley is going in an “opposite direction” from Karl by running directly into the arms of her co-star Pete Davidson (see: these pictures). But I’m hoping that eventually, Kaley will make Bennifer seethe by reuniting with Henry Cavill to once again become the pap stroll’s greatest couple!!!  – Just Jared

Dog The Bounty Hunter is somebody’s husband again, and no word if his vows included, “I, Dog, who is so not a racist homophobe, take you Francie Frane…” – E! News

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Afternoon Crumbs

May 28, 2021 / Posted by:

Seen above cringing at the thought of John McCain’s daughter (who is also her daughter, FYI) fighting with the others on The View, Cindy McCain admitted that Meghan McCain’s verbal tussle with Whoopi Goldberg gave her a case of the cringes. But Cindy says that Meghan is great at her job and they’ve always called her “John McCain in a dress” because she speaks her mind. Errr, I don’t even think John McCain would do himself up as tacky as Meghan does. And you haven’t really watched a current episode of The View unless you’ve gotten a case of TMJ from cringing hard over the dumb shit that shoots out of Meghan’s mouth. The producers obviously have stock in Tylenol – HuffPo

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! – Pajiba

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Afternoon Crumbs

April 23, 2021 / Posted by:

Carey Mulligan won the Independent Spirit Award for Best Female Lead for her performance in Promising Young Woman, which further proves that the Best Actress Oscar can go to absolutely anyone this Sunday. If Joaquin Phoenix opens the envelope and says, “And the Best Actress Oscar goes to… La La Land,” we’ll all just shrug like, “Okay that makes sense.” But seriously, the Oscar should really go to Carey Mulligan for suffering through having to sing Paris Hilton’s Stars Are Blind in the pharmacy scene! – Pajiba

The Weeknd’s remix of Save Your Tears (featuring Ariana Grande’s whispery coos) is out and I must be almost fluent in Ariana now because I actually understand at least 51% of what she’s cooing out – Lainey Gossip 

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Afternoon Crumbs

April 2, 2021 / Posted by:

If you’re planning on going outside today, wear your wellies and bring an inflatable raft, because there’s a very good chance that the entire land will flood with sad genital tears from millions of coochies and b-holes bawling over the fact that The Hot Duke and The Hot Duke’s hot ass will not be in season 2 of Bridgerton. It was announced that Regé-Jean Page, who played Simon Bassett, the Duke of Hastings, will not be back for the new season, but his wife, played by Phoebe Dynevor will return. It seems like it was his decision since he’s busy with movies now. And well, Netflix had a good run but it looks like they’re going to declare bankrucpty soon… unless they announce a brand new show called Putting The Ass In Bassett, which will just be old shots of Regé-Jean’s nalgas playing on a loop – Just Jared

Sofia Vergara’s piece of shit ex blamed Hollywood and promoted his anti-abortion movie in his statement about losing his final apppeal in his long ass legal battle over their frozen embryos. Speaking of lawsuits, I’lll probably be hit with a class-action lawsuit from pieces of actual shit for comparing Sofia Vergara’s ex to them – Celebitchy

In the year 2026, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt will still be fighting in a court room over custody of their children, as Knox and Vivienne Jolie-Pitt stroll in like, “Ugh, today’s our 18th birthday so you can stop now.” Angie and Brad will stop for a second, look up, shrug, and then keep on fighting – Cinemablend

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Afternoon Crumbs

March 5, 2021 / Posted by:

Edie Falco’s hair better prepare for scrunchie overload because she will play Hillary Clinton in Ryan Murphy’s Impeachment: American Crime Story, opposite Clive Owen’s Bill Clinton (a fact that still makes my brain burp up nothing but question marks), Sarah Paulson’s Linda Tripp and Beanie Feldstein’s Monica Lewinsky. Shit has come full circle because Carmela Soprano once called Hillary Clinton a “role model.” So I, for one, can’t wait for the scene where Edie as Hillary watches Edie as Carmela call her a role model – Just Jared

If you want your death certificate to read, “death by exposure to massive amounts of insufferableness,” then I’ve got the show for you! Ellen DeGeneres is executive producing a show called Family Game Fight hosted by Kristen Bell and Dax ShepardCelebitchy

Listen, just so we’re clear when you get out of there, I’m still the head bitch of this house and all of the attention will still go to me, you hear me?!” is what this cat is telepathically communicating to the baby in his human’s womb – OMG Blog

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