Category: Afternoon Crumbs

Afternoon Crumbs

May 18, 2018 / Posted by:

Prince Hot Ginge graciously greeted the peasants outside of Windsor Castle on his last night as an unmarried man, and he came face-to-screaming face with a reporter who let out a shriek as her retinas were burned by his fiery hotness. And no, I’m not the reporter. I’m obviously the mic who is sprung for PHG – Celebitchy

If you’ve been wondering why your dogs have been barking at the air all day, it’s just from a 7-year-old me letting out a high-pitched scream from the first poster from the She-Ra reboot that was announced a while back. Okay, grown me is letting out a high-pitched scream too – io9

Why do Christina Aguilera and Demi Lovato look like my two cousins solemnly posing on my abuelita’s grave on Easter before going to a BBQ? – Lainey Gossip 

Because I’m me, I just had to Google to see what Anne Frank’s supposed gay uncle looked like, and yes, yes, I would’ve – Towleroad

It’s nice to see that an elegant and classy American rose continued to behave like an elegant and classy American rose when in another country – Reality Tea

I know that you just can’t end your week without seeing another picture of Emily RideAJetSki wearing a hand bra, so here you go – Hollywood Tuna

Kristen Stewart at Cannes or an extra on the set of Beverly Hills, 90210 in the 90s? – Popoholic

Pic: Wenn.com

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Afternoon Crumbs

May 11, 2018 / Posted by:

Shawn Mendes says that he and Hailey Baldwin are just “really good friends.” Poor Hailey Baldwin. Justin Bieber wasn’t really into her and neither was Drake, and now another Canadian is saying they’re just friends even though I’m sure it clearly states in their short-term contract that he must always refer to her as “a great girl who I’m having a lot of fun with and can’t wait to see where it goes.” Get thee a better PR team, Hailey! – Just Jared

I am 100% sure I’ve seen Amber Heard’s dress in the shower curtain section at Crate & Barrel – Lainey Gossip

Duchess Kate’s days of standing in heels in front of the Lindo Wing door a quick minute after birthing out a human are behind her… maybe – Celebitchy

Let me fix that for you Bethenny Frankel. “Perhaps I brought Dorinda because I knew she’d be a drunk mess and we’d get tons of camera time and have something to fight about at the 8-part reunion.” There, that’s better – Reality Tea

Just in case you haven’t been paying attention, Artie from Glee has come out out – Towleroad

Elegance IS learned and Irina Shayk is here to teach you how to achieve it – Drunken Stepfather

“Swim for your lives before we get contaminated with raver glitter sludge and mutated lice!” – the fish in that water – Hollywood Tuna 

The Instagram Filter Awards: This picture of Hailee SteinfeldPopoholic

How about… NO – OMG Blog

Pic: Wenn.com

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Afternoon Crumbs

April 27, 2018 / Posted by:

Blake NotSoLively showed up to CinemaCon in Las Vegas looking like she skedaddled over from her shift as a flight attendant on Bill Nye Airlines, and she was in such a rush that her skirt got caught on the plane door and ripped off. And she tried to make it work. Emphasis on tried – Lainey Gossip 

And yet, the new Avatar movies aren’t out yet and I’m already getting Avatar fatigue – Celebitchy

Kenya Moore used in vitro to get pregnant with her next storyline, I mean, her first baby – Reality Tea

Don’t you just hate it when you’re every kind of pregnant and have to tear shit up in a rage because your man is sexy dancing with some trick? – Drunken Stepfather

My own nipples shed a tear while possibly saying goodbye to Thor’s nipples. And yes, I know I need to go down to the free clinic and get my teary nipples looked at – Towleroad

I watched the bored dog the whole time and it was a billion times more riveting – Popoholic

What in pastel Great Gatsby on a budget HELL is Suki Waterhouse wearing? – Just Jared

The Situation is going to be somebody’s husband – CNN (yes, CNN covered this shit)

Pic: Wenn.com

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Afternoon Crumbs

April 20, 2018 / Posted by:

Zayn Malik was papped leaving his ex-girlfriend Gigi Hadid’s apartment in the same clothes he wore the night before. Sure some might call this the “walk of shame,” but for the publicists who probably set this up, it’s the “walk of a job well fucking done!” – Lainey Gossip 

As expected, Chloe from Smallville has been arrested on sex trafficking charges for her role in a sex cult. If my fingers could talk, they would definitely say “What. The. Fuck.” over typing that sentence – Just Jared

No to Ariana Grande Latte’s newest mumble jingle, but yes to the video, which is like a Meatloaf video on Ecstasy – Celebitchy

Speaking of Ariana Grande Latte’s new song, it inspired Artie from Glee to come out out to his Twitter followers. That’s great for him, but I’m going to need him to take a long course in gayness at Gay U because a gay anthem Ariana’s song ain’t – Towleroad

Eva the Diva has begun her Bravo, Please Give Me A Peach, Dammit tour – Reality Tea 

Julianne Hough is still ginger – Drunken Stepfather

Michelle Pfeiffer really should’ve went full Catwoman on the dude who pulled some “as the father of a daughter” shit on her – Pajiba

Here’s Anna Faris modeling the L.A. girl winter uniform of coochie cutters and UGGs – Popoholic

Pic: Backgrid

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Afternoon Crumbs

April 9, 2018 / Posted by:

The fighting reinas of Spain, Queen Letty and Queen Sofia, tried to do a little damage control after their Easter Sunday awkwardness by doing a completely natural oh-so-happy mother and daughter-in-law photo-op today. I should’ve italicized and bolded “tried” in that last sentence. Because if you listen closely, you can hear the voice inside Queen Letty’s head scream, “Letty, dig deep to keep from slapping down that horrid monster-in-law,” as the voice inside Queen Sofia’s head screams, “Bitch, I’d like to see you try.”   – Lainey Gossip 

Oh, screw Prince Hot Ginge and Meghan Markle. Yes, they are doing a do-gooder good thing by asking their guests to donate to charity instead of getting them a wedding gift. But not one of the charities is The Mend Michael’s Broken Heart Foundation. How selfish can they be?! – Celebitchy

Great, now because of all the attention that Kim Zolciak has been getting lately, she’ll probably be back full-time on Real Housewives of Atlanta next season. I’m going to need to gently break the disturbing news to my lips, because they cry every time Kim’s plastic slug lips hit the screen – Reality Tea 

This is sweet and all, but show me more of that daddy – Towleroad

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Afternoon Crumbs

March 30, 2018 / Posted by:

After Orlando Bloom posted a picture of his nipples on Instagram, his on-and-off-and-on-again piece Katy Perry left this comment: “Oh hey! I was actually looking for a washboard to do me laundry on.” Whenever I see the words “Orlando Bloom” and “board” in the same story, my brain immediately takes me back to those beautiful pictures of him paddleboarding peen-out. And now if you’ll excuse me, I have to Photoshop a tiny and naked paddleboarding Orlando Bloom onto his abs in that picture – Just Jared

Something tells me that the teen who broke her retainer from thirsting over Michael B. Jordan is going to have to make another dentist appointment after breaking her replacement retainer from thirsting over him in sweats – Lainey Gossip

Um, Kandi Burruss is cheap. She should’ve gotten Mama Joyce a chauffeured Bentley for being the sole reason for why she’s asked back onto Real Housewives of Atlanta every season – Reality Tea

Brandi Glanville claims that her top lip is paralyzed because of some laser hair removal gone wrong. If by “laser hair removal gone wrong,” she means “too much fucking Botox,” then yeah, that makes sense  – Celebitchy

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