Category: Afternoon Crumbs

Afternoon Crumbs

November 17, 2017 / Posted by:

Star Magazine wants us to think that Nicole Kidman took pole dancing lessons and gives Keith Urban a hot show in their bedroom. What lies. First of all, it would be hard for Nicole to give Keith a full pole show when her icy fingers stick to metal every time she touches it. Second of all, I think Keith is the one giving Nicole a hot show. Just thinking of him whipping his frosty locks around as he works that pole is taking me to loin-tingling places – Celebitchy

Remind me not to see the mostly-silent horror movie A Quiet Place on an empty stomach, because I do not need to be that trick whose stomach growls all loud-like in that quiet ass theater – Lainey Gossip

Every Lhaso Apso in the world should sue Kyle Richards for stealing their signature hairstyle – Reality Tea

Danny Masterson’s rape accusers are still speaking out, as Netflix continues to stay quiet, because Scientology has gotten to them, or like everyone else, they forgot they had a show called The RanchPajiba

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Afternoon Crumbs

November 10, 2017 / Posted by:

Kim Zolciak defended her family’s choice to keep Sinn, the dog that nearly blinded her little son. Well, Kim probably figured that there were two choices as to what to do with the Sinn, and both choices would lead to her son seeing the pooch a lot. Either Kim could keep Sinn, or put the dog down and turn the pooch’s fur into a wig she’d wear all the time – Celebitchy

That adorable stunt puppy that Tom Hiddleston is carrying would obviously like to be excluded from this narrative – Lainey Gossip 

Why does Ramona Singer always look like she’s disgusted by what you’re wearing, and is also trying to hold in a fart – Reality Tea

And right before Kathy Griffin fainted, Andy Cohen squeezed the neck of his Kathy Griffin voodoo doll – Towleroad

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Afternoon Crumbs

October 13, 2017 / Posted by:

Marilyn Manson told a story about how a fan nearly ended up with his dick down her throat, and not in a sexy way. Marilyn says a fan bit him on the dick at a show in Europe. Thankfully for him, she didn’t bite it off. That would’ve been real tragic. Then he wouldn’t be able to suck his own dick anymore. He would’ve gotten his ribs removed for nothing! And yes, this bit was co-written by the teenage me who still believes that urban legend – SOW

The good thing about wearing a jumpsuit covered with a bunch of napkin-looking bows is that if one of your dinner guests drops their napkin on the floor, you can just rip off one of your bows and hand it to them while saying, “I got you, bitch.” – Lainey Gossip 

Jason Momoa is sorry for the Game of Thrones rape joke he made in 2011 – Celebitchy

Earth to Tamra Judge, of course Vicki Gunvalson is incapable of being a good person. Why do you think Bravo has kept her, and you, around for so long? – Reality Tea

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Afternoon Crumbs

October 6, 2017 / Posted by:

Amal Clooney really can do it all. She’s a high-powered human rights attorney, a mother of twins, a pap stroll expert, she has to deal with George Clooney AND she’s the president of The Solid Gold Dancers Appreciation Club, which is where I’m assuming she went after the Farfetch party   – Lainey Gossip

I guess kicking Ben Affleck’s ass out of her life has inspired Jennifer Garner to kick more ass in a movie – Celebitchy

Since Iggy Azalea is having money problems, I wouldn’t be surprised if a repo man from Goodyear tried to repossess that deflated spare tire ass of hers due to non-payment – Drunken Stepfather

Kim Zolciak is open to birthing out another Tardy for the Party cast member – Reality Tea 

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Afternoon Crumbs

June 16, 2017 / Posted by:

I hate this cover of Vogue starring Zendaya, and only because for one split second I thought that Anna Wintour had finally done something right by bringing the unibrow back. I was tricked! – Lainey Gossip 

You probably have bags the size of obese slugs under your eyes and your nerves are shot to hell and back and it’s all because you’ve spent many, many sleepless nights wondering how many visitors Amber Rose’s coochie has had this year. Well, you can sleep again, because she answered that question finally! And welcome to the club, Amber – Just Jared

Douche says douchey things – Celebitchy

Bella Thorne’s open-mouth sexy faces looks more like an “Ah’ve got a nose bleed and it’s windy in here” face – Drunken Stepfather

Kate Moss has gone from being married to a Count von Count-looking musician to dating to an actual count (who looks about 12) – Popsugar

Caroline Stanbury of Ladies of London (RIP, probably) has come to Los Angeles to hang out with the bright shining A-list stars of Hollywood! – Reality Tea 

The new Spider-Man movie will probably have at least one scene where Peter Parker’s classmates tell him what an AILF his Aunt May is  – Popoholic

Sweater Jesus is giving more face than Madison Beer is – Hollywood Tuna 

I guess “death by McDonald’s french fries” isn’t going to be my demise after all – Towleroad

Pic: Vogue


Afternoon Crumbs 

June 9, 2017 / Posted by:

Brad Pitt (and his crotch pits) were at last night’s NYC premiere of Okja, and either he dresses to his left or he’s trying to smuggle in a little baggie of Whoppers. IN THIS ECONOMY, even millionaires don’t want to pay movie theater prices for Whoppers  – Lainey Gossip

Guess what? Dani Mathers is still a fake ass lying asshole liar – Celebitchy

Brandi AnalGlanville really should’ve waited to drop this dumb nugget about LeAnn Rimes, because this week is all about another stupid never-ending feud (see: Taylor v. Katy) – Reality Tea

Semi-professional pap walker Hilary Duff must’ve been so embarrassed by her puppy refusing to walk in front of the paps – Drunken Stepfather

Okay, but why does it look like Selena Gomez is wearing a sleeveless paper hospital gown as a top? – The Nip Slip 

And why is she dressed like a teenage candy striper at an S&M hospital? – Hollywood Tuna

Scissor Sisters and MNDR got together to make a song to help the victims of the Pulse Nightclub attack – Towleroad

When are we going to find out that Kristen Stewart really shaved and bleached her hair after making the best decision she’s ever made by signing on to play Susan Powter in a riveting biopic?  – Popoholic

What in 90s candy raver meets bootleg TLC outfit HELL is Halsey wearing? – Just Jared

Laura Prepon is having a girl who she will probably name either L. Rona Prepon Foster or Davida Miscavige Prepon Foster – Popsugar

Pic: Backgrid


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