Category: Afternoon Crumbs

Afternoon Crumbs

August 31, 2018 / Posted by:

Meanwhile at the Venice Film Festival, an army of gay ostriches were seen marching through the streets ready to attack Lady Gaga for brutally slaughtering dozens of their friends and wearing them at the premiere of A Star Is Born. Trick probably dressed like a damn feather duster to dust away any bad reviews, which apparently there haven’t been any. So Leonardo DiCaprio should practice his laugh, because there’s a good chance we’ll be living in a world where “Oscar nominee Lady Gaga” is a real thing that exists – Just Jared

My thoughts and prayers are with the Scientology minion who was sent to Gold Base after fucking up by not giving Tom Cruise high enough cha cha heels so he’d be taller than Henry CavillLainey Gossip 

Jesus Jugs, formerly of Real Housewives Of Orange County, is getting $16,000 a month in support from her ex-husband, and that might seem a lot, but I’m pretty sure she spends more on bronzer a month – Reality Tea 

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Afternoon Crumbs

August 24, 2018 / Posted by:

Black-ish creator Kenya Barris is doing an interracial reboot of Bewitched for ABC. On the Dlisted podcast, I suggested La Toya Jackson for Endora, but now that I think about it, La Toya shouldn’t only play Endora, she should play Samantha and Tabitha too! BeToya’d! And if the Bewitched reboot needs a tagline, they can always go with: Well, our reboot can’t be worse than the movie – Pajiba

Meet the internet’s newest young ass crush, Noah Centineo, who is giving me “lost member of 98 Degrees” with those perfectly manicured brows and “lost member of One Direction” with that tousled llama hair – Lainey Gossip

Hmmm… now it makes sense. When I ordered a bottle of lube and a butt plug from Alexa, I got a bible, some holy water, and a book called Healing Homosexuality instead – Towleroad

Brandi Glanville says she “datedRyan Seacrest for a minute, but I guess he cut her before showing her off on the pap stroll – Reality Tea

Ben Affleck’s drinking apparently killed his thing with Lindsay Shookus  – Celebitchy

Jake Shears or a skinnier Danny Pintauro starring as Blanche DuBois in a 70s gay porn remake of A Streetcar Named Desire? – Kenneth In The (212)

Um, if it’s not too much trouble, Lily-Rose Depp, can you move to the side so everyone get a clearer shot of the real star of this picture? – Popoholic

The same thing happens when you park next to Jon Hamm right before he gets a boner – OMG Blog

Nice try, Seacrest, but you still look short – Just Jared

Pic: ABC via Wenn.com 

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Afternoon Crumbs

August 17, 2018 / Posted by:

Janet Jackson and Daddy Yankee did a song and video together, and never mind that the video made me reach for the Dramamime with all that camera motion and shit. My favorite scene was where Janet, giving us Wakanda royalty, and Daddy Yankee, giving us pimp from Wonderland, are casually hanging out on a NYC roof. The only thing that was missing from the scene was the old grouchy lady who lives in the apartment below hitting her ceiling with a broomstick because they were making too much noise. That old grouchy lady better watch out, though, because Janet can cut a trick with those cheekbones – Lainey Gossip

Meanwhile, on another rooftop somewhere, musical Ambien was being made – Towleroad

Jehovah’s Sexiest Witness ALLEGEDLY followed Zoe Kravitz around, and it actually annoyed her. The fuck?! Oh, Zoe Kravitz, I can’t look at you anymore! – Pajiba

I’ve seen way too many shark movies lately (The Meg, Santa Shark, etc…), because I kept picturing a shark looking at Elizabeth Hurley’s legs from below the ocean with a napkin around its neck and a fork and knife in its fins – Drunken Stepfather

I was going to say that Kim Kartrashian looks like a Real Doll from the 90s, but even Real Dolls look more real than this – Celebitchy

Thanks to this cover of the New York Daily News, I’m sad we never got to see Aretha Franklin as Belle from Beauty and the Beast Kenneth In The (212) 

The Hills are (probably) alive with the sound of Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt screaming their nipples off about finally getting another check – Just Jared

Pic: YouTube

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Afternoon Crumbs

July 20, 2018 / Posted by:

The cast of AMC’s The Walking Dead busted out some cheesy Sears Portrait Studio poses during a photo call at San Diego Comic-Con today, and I barely recognized them without all the dirty hair and tired faces from zombie-fighting. Well, everyone but Norman Reedus; he always sort of looks like that – Just Jared

Bill Skarsgard did Comic-Con looking like Magnum P.I.’s shady nephew who sells drugs to tourists. As long as he’s not dressed like a homicidal clown, I’m into it – Lainey Gossip

It looks like Cynthia Bailey is launching her own wine cellar, which is great, because if there’s one thing that doesn’t happen enough on the Real Housewives, it’s getting drunk and throwing a drink in someone’s face  – Reality Tea

Ariana Grande continues to copy looks from My Little Pony – Celebitchy

Meanwhile, Victoria Justice and her sister are dangerously close to receiving a cease-and-desist letter from Wet n’ Wild Barbie – Hollywood Tuna

Jason Mraz pretty much confirmed that along with being a hardcore hat enthusiast, he’s bisexual – Towleroad

Here’s Lily-Rose Depp and a friend walking around in bike shorts and heels, which I choose to believe was a very lazy, low-effort tribute to Demi Moore at the 1989 Oscars  – Drunken Stepfather

The very first trailer for the very first lady Doctor Who is here – Pajiba

Emily Ratajkowski has got to try a whole lot harder if she wants to steal the focus away from that random mish-mash of an engagement ring  – Popoholic

Pic: Wenn.com

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Afternoon Crumbs

July 18, 2018 / Posted by:

If anyone ever asks you what the NYC subway is like, show them this video of a no fucks-given asshole icon on a bike blocking the doors. This is why you can’t trust a dude who wears sunglasses in the subway (and this is coming from a dude who has worn sunglasses in the subway, because when you’re hungover, that lighting is like salt on a raw b-hole) – Pajiba

Taylor Swift is either broken up with that one white guy and is pulling stunts for attention, or she’s still with that one white guy and is pulling stunts for attention – Lainey Gossip 

All white Broadway gays look the same to Monet X ChangeTowleroad

I need to accompany Monet X Change to the nearest Lens Crafters for another eye exam, because I mistook Julianne Hough for Julianne Moore. That’s like mistaking stale Wonder Bread for a freshly baked organic baguette – Drunken Stepfather

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Afternoon Crumbs

July 6, 2018 / Posted by:

Brendon Urie of Panic! At The Disco has declared his attraction to both peen and poon in the past, but he recently came out as pansexual and said he definitely gets the tingles for dudes. Of course I know what pansexuality is, but since I have the brain of an immature and stupid 13-year-old, I pictured Brendon humping a cooking pan, and yes, I reached for the lube – Towleroad

For the 7,495th time, Ariana Grande has proven she’s come down with stage 10 dickmatization – Lainey Gossip 

Colin Firth and his wife Livia have dropped stalking charges against the side piece they claim was the Alex Forrest to her Dan Gallagher – Celebitchy

Sure, Carole…. – Reality Tea

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