Category: Afternoon Crumbs

Afternoon Crumbs

April 16, 2015 / Posted by:

FYI: Brandi Glanville admits that she looks like a demented Madame blow-up doll that’s been filled with soil jelly – Celebitchy

Ryan Gosling dyed his hair black and looks like a white man playing Ricky Ricardo in a community theater production of I Love LucyLainey Gossip

Thank God, because I’ve been wondering why it’s been two long hours since I’ve seen RiRi’s pierced nipple knob – Drunken Stepfather

The Real Housewives of Atlanta reunion trailer had me at “That hair is thirsty”Reality Tea

Panty Creamer of the Day: The trans bodybuilder who is in the running to be on the cover of Men’s Health - Towleroad

If Kanye West really wanted to drop some truth on Time, he’d say, “Every time I say something that’s extremely stupid out loud, it literally breaks brain cells.” – The Superficial

JLo’s ass in that dress looks like a 3D pin art sculpture – Popoholic

The teaser trailer for the teaser trailer for Batman v. Superman is out and those bitches are really slipping, because I can’t believe they didn’t release a teaser trailer for the teaser trailer for the teaser trailer – IDLYITW

You know you’re a hard-up desperate mess when you’re trying to find a peen print while looking at a cartoon Instagram picture of GastonThe Berry

The director of Monster is directing the Wonder Woman movie. I can’t wait for the scene where Wonder Woman and Wonder Girl #2 slow dance to “Don’t Stop Believin’” on a roller skating rink – Jezebel

The Porn Iguana is Marilyn incarnate! What I mean by that is  that she is”Marilyn Manson in bad Jayne Mansfield drag incarnate!” – Hollywood Tuna 

Jon Cryer does the Duckie dance with the British Jimmy FallonSOW

It looks like Kylie Jenner has just discovered colored contact lenses from Sally’s Beauty – ICYDK

Selena Gomez’s chichis are trying to escape out of that bikini top – Popsugar

Ryan Gosling is probably going to be in the Blade Runner sequel and that’s great and everything, BUT WHAT ABOUT SEAN YOUNG? - Indie Wire 

Feel the warm beauty of Terry Crews serenading America’s sweetheart Betty WhitePajiba


Afternoon Crumbs

January 2, 2015 / Posted by:

Disappointment is the feeling you get when you see pictures of Mimi on the slopes and she’s not wearing rhinestone-encrusted, pink high-heeled ski boots – Lainey Gossip

“Say hello to your nipple for me” said Marky Mark to his wife while this picture was taken – (NSFW) Drunken Stepfather

George Clooney is squidgy and has gross skin, so says Bellybutton CabbagePatchDollCelebitchy

Finally, we get to hear Ashley Abbott’s feelings about the Brandi AnalGlanville vs. Lisa Vanderpump feud – Reality Tea

The real-life Mark Schultz suddenly hates FoxcatcherTowleroad

Bono may never be able to play the guitar again. To which I say, Bono used to play guitar?! – Gawker

The nerds weep today, because Dr. Carol from Star Trek Into Darkness is married – The Superficial

Heidi Klum and her Spuds MacKenzie-looking ass piece are still in the Caribbean and they’re still rubbing their parts all over each other – WWTDD

Josh Groban and Kat Dennings are still a thing and still random’s favorite couple – Popoholic

Taylor Swift once again wants you to know that she’s a saint of generosity and really loves her fans – Hollywood Tuna

MAN ASS. The end. – OMG Blog

And on today’s episode of “Where In The World Are Jay-Z And Beyonce Spending Their Zillions?”Popsugar

Tara Reid looking like fried pork in a dumpling wrapper – SOW

Instagram’s out-of-touch grandma: Madonna still is – HuffPo

Certified asshole Terrence Howard is going to be somebody’s father again and the good news is that he doesn’t have to run out and buy baby wipes since I’m sure he has plenty of those at home – Just Jared

BREAKING: Actor who wants people to pay to see his movie says good things about his movie – ICYDK

Mario Cuomo has died - Boy Culture


Afternoon Crumbs

October 13, 2014 / Posted by:

In Iris Chacon was robbed AGAIN news, Esquire named Penelope Cruz their “Sexiest Woman Alive” in the year 2014. Yes, in the year 2014. That’s nice and everything but why did they use an overly Photoshopped picture of Lea Michele and Tweety Bird’s love child? Why didn’t they just use a picture of Penelope Cruz?  - Celebitchy

The good thing about Colin Farrell’s greasy hipster Eddie Munster hair is that if you wring it out, you can get at least 2 cups of pussy lube out of it – Lainey Gossip 

I was going to make a Justin Bieber joke here, but Justin’s tits are way bigger than that – Drunken Stepfather

Snooki gives a tour of the house that being a drunken, trashy mess bought her. But I’m not sure if that’s really Snooki’s Casa de Ewok, because I don’t see a pickle vault – Reality Tea

John Cleese thinks Taylor Swift’s pussy looks damaged – The Superficial

The person who took a Photoshop tool to CoCo’s hungry, hungry camel toe should be tried and jailed for vandalizing a national monument – WWTDD

Some dude from Kingdom showed off his muscled nalgas and surprisingly it wasn’t Nick Jonas - OMG Blog

Doogie Howser calls his own coming out the “Gay-tsburg Address” and I Abraham LinCAN’T with that shit – Towleroad

If you’ve been tossing and turning all night and haven’t slept in days because you’ve been waiting to hear The Difficult Brown’s thoughts on Ebola, you can finally get some mimi times tonight, because the douche has spoken – IDLYITW

Kristen Stewart and her rumored partner in pussy roam the streets of L.A. looking like hipster hobos whose hair was eaten by rats as they lay passed out under a park bench – Popoholic

Vanessa Hudgens looks like Poison Ivy at junior prom – Hollywood Tuna

More like manscaping wins! – The Berry

Taylor Swift doesn’t know if she wants to bring kids into her paparazzi-filled world and somewhere Olivia Benson is thinking to herself, “Oh but you’ll bring cats into it, you bitch?” – ICYDK

Professional humor ranter Louis CK humor rants about ISIS – Pajiba

If Tank Girl got addicted to snorting paint chips and supported her habit by go-go dancing at bottom tier raves – Egotastic!

Okay, but when did Bruce Jenner become a Fox News commentator? – Jezebel


Afternoon Crumbs

September 30, 2014 / Posted by:

Goopy Paltrow is collaborating with a dry bar called Blo (too easy) and they released this picture illustration thing of her that looks like a Fashion Plate that was possessed by a real snobby demon – Lainey Gossip 

Falkor Rimes and Eddie Cibrian have been sued by a maid who claims she was called an “Old Salvadoran bitch” by two other employees and was blamed for the house being dirty. I am on Team Old Salvadoran Bitch and not just because she’s from my mother’s homeland, but because it’s probably not easy cleaning Falkor and Eddie’s house. Think of all the worn bikinis and luck dragon saliva LeAnn leaves everywhere – Celebitchy

Backdoor Farrah lip synchs as well as she – well, as well as she does everything else in life – Reality Tea

Miley Cyrus goes topless again and based on that picture, I’m guessing she went topless for a spread in Strung Out Crack Chipmunks Monthly – Drunken Stepfather

The Difficult Brown’s mom thinks he needs to stop hanging around with gangs and I agree with her, but only because I want to see the video of him getting jumped out – WWTDD

Jennifer Love Hewitt once sent Matt Damon, a person she never met, a bed and I’m guessing that bed was stuffed with her pubes and a boiled bunny – The Superficial

If that Grateful Dead skull had eyes, it would roll them at Kaley CuocoPopoholic

Dear Shane Black, please write a kissing scene for Ryan Gosling and Matt Boner. Sincerely, my b-hole – Towleroad

Emily Ratajkowski does the “Yeah, I farted *shrug*” smirk on the cover of CosmoHollywood Tuna

Big the TV show is happening, because Hollywood’s favorite thing to do is put on knife shoes and dance all over your childhood – Pajiba

One of the sold out Kunty Karl Barbies better be in my stocking this Christmas – Jezebel

Chelsea Clinton recreated Duchess Kate’s baby-carrying hospital exit photo-op – ICYDK

Kiki Dunst has something to say about selfie addiction – OMG Blog

Speaking of selfie addicts, here’s some selfie addicts who need to keep being selfie addicts – The Berry

I’m going to need to smoke some shit from Jaden Smith’s stash before I even think about listening to his 7-minute-long song – HuffPo

I see there was an Illuminati Jr. meeting in Paris – Just Jared

Jessica Biel wore a two-piece during a quick photo-op – Popsugar

MISOGYNY IS OVER: Kunty Karl held a feminist protest at the end of the Chanel show – The Frisky

Pic: Blo


Afternoon Crumbs

August 25, 2014 / Posted by:

NeNe Leakes (seen here in a wet suit, because why the hell not) nominated all the other Real Housewives for the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge, and Teresa Giudice was like “Sure, I gotta train for prison somehow”Reality Tea

But for why is Gwen Stefani dressed like the hostess of a Body Glove-themed restaurant? – Celebitchy

As someone who is terrified of stepping my bare feet on random shit at the beach, these pictures of Alessandra Ambrosia Salad are making me incredibly anxious – Hollywood Tuna

As it turns out, when you dump cold water onto Sarah Palin, she sounds exactly like the grape-stomping lady – Towleroad

Vanessa Hudgens says she hated the attention she got from the boys in high school, so she tried to ugly-it-up by shopping at Hot Topic. Hey, it worked for me! – WWTDD

Selena Gomez looks like she’s slowly starting to morph into Kim Kardashian, which can only mean one thing: Naya Rivera is having her lawyer draw up an angry cease-and-desist as we speak – The Superficial

It looks like Taryn Manning is wearing a breastplate from, which is ALWAYS the look – Drunken Stepfather

The video for “Bang Bang” starring a human Baby Dolly Surprise doll, a come-to-life Crank Yankers puppet, and a low-budget “Can’t Hold Us Down” Xtina is here! – Jezebel

Justin Theroux nominated Jennifer Aniston for the Ice Bucket Challenge, and she responded by nominating him to sleep on the couch for the rest of the week – Lainey Gossip

Even the picture of Andy Warhol on Joe Manganiello’s shirt is like: “I know, I can’t believe the 15 minutes on this relationship isn’t up yet either”Popoholic

Amanda Peet is once, twice, three times a knocked-up lady – Popsugar

This cat could get easily get a job applying makeup at the Clinique counter at Macy’s – The Berry

Liberty Ross says she has nothing but “love, respect, and compassion” for her ex-husband Rupert Sanders, which is the fancy British way of saying “I GOT THAT MINI COOPER CHEATER CASH, BITCHES!!”ICYDK

Here’s Gerard Butler grabbing some random trick’s ass. In other news: water still wet, sky still blue  – Just Jared

Pic: Instragram


Afternoon Crumbs

July 7, 2014 / Posted by:

Awkward is Posh Beckham and Samuel L. Jackson at Wimbledon. My guess is that things got level 10 awkward when Posh said to SLJ, “My boys loved you in The Matrix.” – Lainey Gossip 

Jessica Simpson screwed up her wedding vows because she’s Jessica Simpson – Celebitchy

I’m disappointed in Mama Joyce for not releasing the lions that Kandi Burruss had at her wedding – Reality Tea

Seeing Cameron Diaz touch Benji Madden’s tattooed bloated bag of a body makes me think that he must have a permanently rock hard 10 inch dick that shoots out tequila when you tickle his nuts - Drunken Stepfather

Megan Fox’s candle wax face looks almost human here – Drunken Stepfather

Lance Bass looks like a pool algae mess, but he also gets to wet hump a hot piece every night, so I guess he’s winning in the end (put intended) – Towleroad

If Ana Gasteyer played Ke$ha’s mom in an SNL skit about a drunken astrologist – OMG Blog

Christina Milian wore a monokini thing on the Fourth of July - Hollywood Tuna

Kevin Smith trolled the nerds or something, but the real story here is that picture of Batman and Superman is factually incorrect. Batman is supposed to be the top! – The Superficial

Kaley Cuoco wore one of Mrs. Roper’s nightgowns to the beach – Popoholic

And three seconds later, Lady CaCa posted a picture of thousands of North Koreans fake crying while seeing their leader and wrote, “Here’s my Little Monsters greeting me backstage after the show”Boy Culture

Sarah Palin wants to do The View and I’m all for it if Rosie O’Donnell comes back, because I wouldn’t need my morning cup of meth-infused coffee if I woke up to the sight of Rosie skinning the hell out of Sarah Palin – Jezebel

Wonky McValtrex celebrates Fourth of July and some say she’s the most patriotic ho on the stroll since red, white and blue pus leaks out of a dude’s peen slit after he bareback bones her – ICYDK

Excuse me while I slap the shit out of my retinas for thinking this was John Travolta for a second – The Backlot

Leonardo DiCatchAHo has gone head first into his “giving no fucks” phase of life and Jack Nicholson should not be amused by the comparison – HuffPo

If you need a palate cleanser after tasting the scent of rancid dick cheese that wafted off of that Leonardo DiCatchAHo picture, here’s ASkars’ bare ass – Just Jared

Laura Jeanne Poon’s son is growing – Popsugar

Pic: Splash


Fourth Of July Crumbs

July 4, 2014 / Posted by:

NOOOOOOOO! This is the worst Fourth of July ever. My wiener-swallowing idol Sonya “The Black Widow” Thomas lost her title as the Queen of the Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest when she was beat in the women’s match by Miki Sudo who gobbled down 34 dogs to her 27 3/4 dogs. I was kind of expecting the speed blow job giver of Britain to enter at the last minute and show all of them how to inhale dozens of soggy dogs in seconds. And on the men’s side, Joey Chestnut won for the eight hundredth time, because his bowls are not human   – Gothamist

Mya isn’t Jay-Z’s kept side piece and Beyonce is still letting everyone know she has the perfect, most wonderful-est family in the world - Lainey Gossip

If Joan Rivers really wanted to tell a joke that would make Ann Coulter cackle while furiously jacking her own dick off, she succeeded! – Towleroad

Cosmo used the “lipo” Photoshop tool on Iggy Azalea’s triple-stuffed ass – Celebitchy

I don’t think Michelle Rodriguez and pretty pretty princess Zac Efron are anything but friends, because if they were something more, he’d be rolling around in a wheelchair. You know Michelle Rodriguez would tear that delicate ass up with a strap-on – The Superficial

MiserAlba is in GQ doing an impersonation of someone watching one of her movies – Popoholic

Kate Upton giving you Boca Raton nana – Holllywood Tuna

Usually Burger King brings people to tears by serving up some diarrhea-inducing shit that will make you weep while spending hours on the toilet, but this time they brought people to tears for a different reason – OMG Blog

Lea Michele isn’t knocked up, she just got hacked. Like Lea would ever give out that information for free and not on the cover of Life & Style. We all know her too well – Wonderwall

Rob Kardashian doesn’t have a secret son, but judging by his belly, he might have a secret set of triples coming very soon – Buzzfeed

Austria’s national flower won an award - The Blemish

Either the escort game in Britain is like no other or someone’s missing a $10,000 Givenchy bag – Celebslam

Pic: AP


Afternoon Crumbs

July 2, 2014 / Posted by:

Oh Posh Spice, always a British Vogue coverghoul, never an American Vogue coverghoul. And on this one, the dog is stealing the shine from her and that dog isn’t even trying - Lainey Gossip 

Rupert Everett cries about how he didn’t make it as a leading man, because he’s openly gay, but he really needs to be crying about what his plastic surgeon did to his face – Towleroad

SPOILER ALERT: Citizens of Fantastica, this is what your Christmas card from Falkor is going to look like this year - Drunken Stepfather

Portia de Rossi went to rehab for a month – Celebitchy

The time that Quentin Tarantino wished he had the power to take over Hailey Baldwin’s bodyThe Superficial

What the power of Ray J’s piss stream can do - Reality Tea

So I guess Kendra Wilkinson’s wedding ring is still floating amongst the turds in the Calabasas sewer somewhere – WWTDD

Two out of four Pretty Little Liar girls are in a bikini – Hollywood Tuna

It’s times like these when I ask myself, why in the hell can’t my dog be Internet famous so I can whore him out for some Cheerios money? – Jezebel

If Betty Boop got her hair relaxed and became a hipster – Popoholic

Joe ManJello’s turtle shell abs and nips on PeopleBoy Culture

Ridley Scott’s idea of Ancient Egypt: White people, lots and lots of white people – Pajiba

This list of 16 Reasons To Love Tim Howard needs more tattooed nipples – Popsugar

A still right out of Richard Simmons’ audition for American Horror StorySOW

In case you needed to be reminded that Chris Pratt used to be a big, old chubby teddy bear – The Berry

When moody sunlight through soft curtains meet Thomas Jane’s ass - OMG Blog

Hermione Granger is in trouble with La Migra – ICYDK


Afternoon Crumbs

July 1, 2014 / Posted by:

Pee-Chee folders and Trapper Keepers have been given a second life as iPad cases. I just hope that on the Pee-Chee folder iPad case you can draw a moustache on that tennis player and draw a dildo in that runner’s hand. It’s a shitty impostor and I don’t want to have anything to do with it if you can’t – Jezebel

If you looked at Grindr while at Glastonbury and thought the drugs were lying to you when Bradley Cooper’s picture popped up, the drugs probably weren’t lying to you – Lainey Gossip

Why am I disappointed that Duchess Kate didn’t wear a dress with pictures of pink goats all over it? – Celebitchy

Carmen Electra lets us know that the secret to her youthful appearance is plenty of generic brand Botox bought in Tijuana and lots of Photoshop – Drunken Stepfather

Bryan Singer’s directing another X-Men movie, so expect a new mutant that’s a white twink who has the ability to eat peen with his butt and hold his head under water while swallowing snakes. The open call will be held in Bryan’s backyard – The Superficial

I love Adore Delano’s cover of “We Didn’t Start The Fire”Towleroad

Congratulations to Teen Mom Jenelle’s mom Barbara who will take care of that kid for the next 18 years – Reality Tea

Here’s JLo’s ass in jeans if that’s what you need to complete your Tuesday - Hollywood Tuna

Justin Bieber is an app mogul now – IDLYITW

If one of your life long dreams is to wake up with Bob from Twink Peak’s face staring back at you from the foot of the bed, you’re a sucio whore and your dream could come true if you have $550,000 – OMG Blog

Okay, yeah, I can see Rose McGowan’s nipples, but why is she wearing processed film as a top? – WWTDD

Eva Amurri is really knocked up with Susan Sarandon’s grandchild – Popoholic

Cameron Diaz gets all naked in Sex TapeICYDK

Robin Williams is back in rehab for a little maintenance – HuffPo

Lauren Conrad is where a nap goes for inspiration to be more nap-like – The Berry

David Beckham is topless and constipated in new ads for H&M panties – Popsugar

This didn’t need to happen – Pajiba

Community refuses to die, will move to Yahoo where hopefully they can show bare Joel McHale ass – SOW


Afternoon Crumbs

June 30, 2014 / Posted by:

Prince Hot Ginge spent the weekend in Chile where he served up some, sweet ginger moves with a bunch of kids and greeted a toddler who is obviously a Morrissey fan. I’m sitting here asking myself, if I was a parent to a toddler and my toddler threw a “Don’t even think of touching my beanie” side-eye at Prince Hot Ginge, would I immediately hand her off to a stranger, tell him the child isn’t mine and then divorce her? Yeah, definitely. Baby would be on her own after that   - Lainey Gossip 

Olivia Palmero wore shorts to her wedding, because ~FASHUN~ – Celebitchy

Mushu the Dragon and Ron Perlman in his Beast makeup are coming back to The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills - Reality Tea

If I didn’t read the headline, I would’ve guessed this was a melting JLoDrunken Stepfather

IN THIS ECONOMY, JLo has to wear her old Fly Girl costumes - The Superficial

Apple’s gay-but-not-totally-out-out CEO marched at San Francisco Pride – Towleroad

BET invited the herp sore that a rat chewed off of 2006′s twat to the BET Awards, because they totally forgot about the time she said that black guys are gross – WWTDD

Alex Pettyfer pets his crotch fur – OMG Blog

Ashanti brought some skanky Reno, NV stripper bride glamour to the BET Awards - Hollywood Tuna

Nancy Sinatra, please consult your attorney, and file a grand theft lawsuit against Ariana Grande Latte for stealing your ensemble – Popoholic

Robin Thicke and Paula Patton’s publicity stunt split is still happening – Jezebel

Why would I not be surprised if the anti-fap cross wasn’t a gag and why wouldn’t I really be surprised if Jim Bob Duggar invented it? – Boy Culture

Orange Is The New Black does NYC Pride – Pajiba

Military Monday needs a whole lot more military nipples - The Berry

Noted shit head Justin Bieber visited noted shit head Floyd Mayweather’s kids after they were in a car crash and he played his music for them, because I guess he felt like they hadn’t been hurt enough – ICYDK

“Hmm, where have I seen those moves before?” said every Skid Row drug dealer while watching Zac Efron wiggle his ass in Italy – Popsugar

Ken Watanabe is the new King in the King & I revival on Broadway – Just Jared

Pic: Getty


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