Category: Afternoon Crumbs

Afternoon Crumbs

September 14, 2015 / Posted by:

Lindsay Lohan dribbled out a rambling rant about 9/11, Michael Jackson, PETA, TMZ, Oprah, the #UnitedNations and I don’t even know what else on Instagram. It is the bad shit-induced essay that launched a thousand WTFs. It reads like a monologue from True Detective. That’s how confusing it is – IDLYITW

Ellen Page’s girlfriend is giving me “mash-up of Kim Gordon and Cate Blanchett”Lainey Gossip 

Bravo ‘s three-part Real Housewives of New Jersey prison special starring the Giudices is incomplete without clear shots of her looking like a wreck in prison – Reality Tea 

CAUTION: Do not make the same mistake I made by eating while scrolling down to the picture of the pedo salamander known as Tyga smiling while next to his plastic child piece. Your food will end up on the desk in front of you and your stomach will hate you – Celebitchy

Burning Man looks like hell on earth and not even Susan Sarandon done up like a bride on LSD could make me change my mind about that  – Drunken Stepfather

Subway got a serious complaint about Subway Jared’s pedo ways a long time ago – The Superficial 

Amber Heard and Johnny Depp are still posing for photographers at film festivals. Johnny Depp looks happy about it – Popoholic

This little girl is scared of her shadow and now that she’s pointed it out, she’s right. Shadows are pretty scary – The Berry

Kim Davis has everyone’s dream job. She’s getting paid a good chunk of money to sit in her office and watch Netflix and porn all day – Towleroad

In THIS BITCH news: Matt Damon cut off a black filmmaker to school her on diversity in films – Jezebel

And here’s a candidate for the title of Most Perfect Dog in the World – Hollywood Tuna 

Panty Creamer of the Day: Alex Petmyfur gets almost naked for Mario TestinoJust Jared

Chris Hardwick is getting married to Lydia Hearst. Remember when he was dating Jacinda from The Real World: London? – Pajiba

Disney is making a sequel to Mary Poppins and the only thing I have to say about that is: Chim chim-in-ey, chim chim-in-ey, chim chim cher-WHYYYYYYYYYY? – The Hollywood Reporter

Watching Peaches suck off Margaret Cho’s knit dick is just what I needed on this Monday – OMG Blog

Justin Bieber will have Gwen Stefani’s exact hairstyle in 3..2.. – Popsugar

Speaking of, Daniel Day-Lewis’ 20-year-old son looks like a butch Justin BieberBoy Culture

Pic: Instagram


Afternoon Crumbs

August 6, 2015 / Posted by:

Goopy Paltrow went to Washington to talk about GMO labeling and while there, I’m sure she also talked to Joe Biden about the benefits of anus steaming and tried to hide her look of complete disgust when she found out that Michelle Obama’s White House vegetable garden does not use soil organically grown by 8th generation farmers from Holland  – Lainey Gossip 

Keef Richards thinks Sgt. Pepper’s was a trash album. I hope Paul McCartney is getting into a Speedo and is preparing to wrestle Keef in a plastic pool full of oil – Celebitchy

Kathy Hilton goes after Dr. Drew for commenting on Kim Richards and I’m just going to go sit in the section marked Team Neither Of Them – Reality Tea 

Kate Pierson and her partner of a million years got married in Hawaii – Towleroad

Beyonce is trying to make the flash tattoo happen – Drunken Stepfather

Gigi Hadid’s in W MagazineIDLYITW

And I’m sure if I checked, I could find 6-month-old pictures of RiRi wearing the same bikini that Rita Ora’s wearing – The Superficial 

Charlize Theron went to yoga where I’m sure she made at least one child star from the 90s cry – Popoholic

Jared Leto’s lawyer wants everyone on the Internet to stop talking about his huge dick, because you know, having a huge dick is a bad thing – Jezebel

Nina Agdal’s nipples look like this, in case you’ve been wondering – Hollywood Tuna 

That husky is either on bath salts or really loves water – The Berry 

Kelly Clarkson does Prince (not like that) – SOW

James Franco will probably have gay incest sex with himself in a show for HBO. That’s so Franco – HuffPo

Either I’m still drunk from last night or these pictures of Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux getting on a private jet are really blurry – Popsugar

Some crazy fan grabbed Taylor Swift during a show. She’s so going to write a diss track about that fan – ICYDK

Crazy Eyes from Orange is the New Black will be Glinda in The Wiz LiveJust Jared

And on a sad note, one of my favorite pop stars of all-time Samantha Fox lost her manager and partner of 16 years – Boy Culture

Pic: Getty


Afternoon Crumbs

July 29, 2015 / Posted by:

Michelle Williams is dating author Jonathan Safran Foer and the source says it’s not a surprise, because she just loves books. If she loves books so much why doesn’t she just date a damn book? I didn’t know I was going to make a Pee-wee Herman reference while talking about Michelle Williams’ dating life, but here we are – Lainey Gossip 

Kim Kartrashian supposedly called Beyonce to laugh about her own pillow baby rumors and I’d totally believe it if I also believed that Beyonce gave Kim her real phone number – Celebitchy

Oh, it’s just Olivia Culpo naked and farting on a model’s chest for a photo shoot – Drunken Stepfather

Channing Tatum is probably not going to be Gambit The Superficial 

Chrissy Teigen wore an arm bra for Women’s Health UKEgotastic

Kelly Bundy could’ve been Elle WoodsJezebel

Eva Longoria and a journalist had a small fight over whether or not she needs eyeglasses to see. But you probably already read about it when it was CNN’s top story this morning – Egotastic 

That girl from Victorious looks like this now – Popoholic

The Katsopolis twins from Full House look like this now – HuffPo

Why don’t I have any friends who will stick Twizzlers in my mouth when I’m asleep? – Hollywood Tuna 

Elaine Lancaster is a life-saving drag queen hero! – Towleroad

A company called Lucky 13 really wants naked pics of Taylor SwiftIDLYITW

Because Detroit hasn’t been through enough, they have a Pimp Mama Kris statue now – Pajiba

Macy Gray made a song about her vibrator – SOW

Those hosts on Good Day Sacramento just didn’t get Cara Delevingne’s British sense of humor, so says Cara Delevingne – Just Jared

The raw emotions poured out of  Jimmy Kimmel as he talked about Cecil the LionPopsugar

Pic: Getty


Afternoon Crumbs

July 23, 2015 / Posted by:

Bring out the yellow leather couch, because Tom Cruise may have hired beard wife #4! – Celebitchy

The trailer for Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 2 is here and I think I spotted Tigris’ Cats on Broadway-looking ass in there – Lainey Gossip

Katy Perry looks like a cracked out Joyce DeWitt on Vogue JapanDrunken Stepfather

Brandi Glanville took us back to 2011 again by shitting on Falkor Rimes on Twatter – Reality Tea 

The Taiwanese animators took on the Gawker SCANDAL and I don’t think there’s enough good shit in my stash drawer to get me to understand what’s going on here – The Superficial 

I just assumed that Kourtney Kardashian always has a baby in her womb – IDLYITW

Blake Shelton’s alleged ex-side piece brought the raw emotion on Twitter. She should turn those tweets into a country song – Jezebel

A SANS FARDS Caitlyn Jenner gave an early morning monologue about the pressure to be the face of the transgender community – Towleroad

Vanessa Hudgens got a weave and sunglasses that make her look like a fly – Popoholic

Katharine McPhee totally peed in that water – Hollywood Tuna 

RiRi has now gone from wearing pajamas to wearing a toddler’s sundress – The Nipple Slip 

The Lindsay Lohan Story, coming soon to Nick Jr. – The Berry 

Brit Brit’s Kesha hair is a solid NO – HuffPo

Nice merkin, Justin BieberOMG Blog

That Neville Longbottom dude is topless again – Pajiba

Taylor Swift’s former arch enemy Camilla Belle slow clapped for Katy Perry’s incoherent twitter slap – Just Jared

Jake Gyllenhaal played dumb when Howard Stern asked him if he knew his ex-photo-op partner wrote a song about him – Popsugar

If you’re a sick fuck who wants to know what Miley Cyrus’ pit fur looks like on a glob of wax, here you go – SOW

The Slow One wants sole custody of Pimp Mama Kris’ newest little moneymakers – ICYDK


Afternoon Crumbs

July 22, 2015 / Posted by:

Anne Hathaway made a joke on Instagram about the joke that Amy Schumer made about her in Trainwreck. Please, you know that after the movie, Anne went home and spent 12 hours straight writing, rehearsing and performing a one woman show (with songs) about how Amy and Judd Apatow are jealous of her raw talent. You know, I’d buy tickets to that show – Lainey Gossip

Congratulations to Kylie Jenner for graduating Sigma Get Money from Pimp Mama Kris’ School of Fame WhoringCelebitchy

Monica Bellucci poses on a prison cot and looks hot while doing so – Drunken Stepfather

Dayman and Batman V Superman got a mash-up – The Superficial

My favorite part of the Trainwreck tricks re-enacting a scene from Real Housewives of New York is Bill Hader saying he doesn’t know who Bethenney Frankel is – Jezebel

THIS is definitely someone’s fetish – Towleroad

I’m gay and I like candy, so I’m not really checking out Doutzen Kroes’ ass. Instead I’m thinking about how her two piece looks like a pack of tropical Starburst – Popoholic

The big-tittied blonde model who isn’t Kate Upton wore Miley Cyrus-approved duct tape pasties in GQIDLYITW

RiRi is still walking around in her sleeping clothes – The Nipple Slip

So basically, Fifty Cent is trying to make everyone believe that he’s “leasing a Rolex and a Ferrari but living in a studio in Van Nuys” rich – WWTDD

This kid eats a hot dog like a drunk on the subway at 3am – The Berry

Nikki Reed picked up trash on the beach – Hollywood Tuna

Sam Smith is melting (and burning) away – OMG Blog

Aaron Paul’s proposed resolution to the Nicki Minaj vs. Taylor Swift thing is missing a “biiiiiitch” – Popsugar

The Difficult Brown was forced to stay in the Philippines for a bit, but he was released. To which the rest of the word says, “WHYYYYYYYYYY????” – ICYDK

Empire sticks the tip in a little bit by releasing a season 2 teaser trailer – Entertainment Weekly

The trailer for Spectre doesn’t have any Daniel Craig nipples in it, but I’m still into it – Pajiba

Lee Ann Edmonds, the ex-wife of Jim Edmonds from Real Housewives of Orange County, has died – Reality Tea

Pic: Instagram


Afternoon Crumbs

July 21, 2015 / Posted by:

The British royals tweeted this new picture of Prince George to celebrate his 2nd birthday, which is tomorrow. Uh huh, I’m sure they posted the picture for his birthday and not because they knew that a picture of a smiling toddler may make everyone forget about THE QUEEN’s Heil Hitler salute video. I’m surprised they didn’t Photoshop a “We hate Nazis, okay?” t-shirt on Prince George. Those shameless royals! – Lainey Gossip 

Tom Hiddleston put his arm around a woman who may or may not have been the third OlsenCelebitchy

Two things: Magazines are still talking to Rachel Dolezal and she still thinks she’s black – The Superficial 

Porsha Williams of The Real Housewives of Atlanta actually got herself a piece who isn’t invisible – Reality Tea 

Lindsay Lohan works that coke bloat while on vacation from her vacation of a life – Drunken Stepfather

Congratulations if you were hoping to spend a piece of your Tuesday staring at Eva Longoria’s camel toe – The Nip Slip 

Nick Jonas serves up sex slave realness by getting chained while singing “Chains” – Towleroad

Olivia Wilde brought the Studio 54 glamour while shooting her new HBO show – Popoholic

Sexism in Hollywood is the worst it’s ever been in the history of forever, so says Emma ThompsonJezebel

That big-tittied blonde model who isn’t Kate Upton got her huge chichis from a unicorn – WWTDD

Bill Clinton totally would’ve taken Charlize Theron up on her strip club offer – HuffPo

Panty Creamers of the Day: The Silver Fox Edition – The Berry

What in bridesmaids dress meets 80s secretary HELL is Ashley Benson wearing? – Hollywood Tuna 

Are we sure Lifetime didn’t accidentally release an actual Beverly Hills 90210 cast photo from back in the day, because the cast photo for their unauthorized tv movie is TOO spot-on – SOW

The MTV VMA nominations are out and they may as well change the name of that shit to The Taylor Swift Appreciation CeremonyPopsugar

Lauren Ambrose is playing Agent Einstein in The X-Files reboot – Just Jared 

Selena Gomez rated her looks on a radio show – ICYDK

Pic: @KensingtonRoyal


Afternoon Crumbs

July 20, 2015 / Posted by:

The Photoshop Awards: They tell me this is supposed to be Queen of the Botox Needle, Nicole Kidman, on the cover of Vogue, but it looks like she wasn’t available and so they asked a hungover and barfy Laura Linney to fill in for her – Lainey Gossip 

Thanks to the alleged tattoo-shaming and Cyrus-hating border agents, Canada is Trace Cyrus-free for now. The good news for Trace is that now he doesn’t have to sit in pony quarantine anymore – Celebitchy

Teresa Giudice will speak to Bravo through a prison phone and I hope they get some footage of her, because I really need to see how she’s maintaining her beauty with fake tanner made out of generic Tang and fake lashes made of daddy long legs – Reality Tea 

And here’s the clearance section Tank Girl that is Miley Cyrus as you’ve never seen her before and by that I mean as you always see her – Drunken Stepfather 

One of the ripped douches from Vanderpump Rules got arrested for stealing sunglasses from a Sunglass Hut in Hawaii, because I guess Andy Cohen yelled at him for not being on TMZ enough. But you know, every time I see a dude from that show in “the news,” I always ask myself if he’s the gay for pay one or not. Then I answer my question by saying, “Aren’t they all, Michael. Aren’t they all?” – The Superficial 

Compared to what Kylie Jenner usually wears, this ensemble is downright church-ey and demure. And I bet she did wear it to church the next day – IDLYITW

The real “misunderstanding” is Hollywood giving Adam Sandler millions of dollars to make all those shit shows – Jezebel

Rachel Bilson should wear a shirt with the words “I Am Not Leighton Meester” on it whenever she goes out, because I looked at these pictures and wondered why she doesn’t have a gigantic knocked up stomach – Popoholic

Lindsey Vonn wants you to see her ass – Egotastic

Miss Piggy does”Bitch Better Have My Money” the way it was meant to be done – Towleroad

Jayde Nicole, a name I haven’t typed since 2010, still exists – Hollywood Tuna 

Fantasia got married and please tell me Aunt Bunny let out a loud “guuuuuurrrrl please” during the vows – HuffPo

Dear FKA Twigs, thanks for reminding me that we all looked fucked up in 1992 – Popsugar

Nice try, Hattie the Singing Puss, but that Portuguese cat did it better – The Berry 

Thomas Roberts became the first out gay person to ever anchor a network evening news broadcast – OMG Blog

Simon Cowell gave Louis Tomlinson daddy advice – Just Jared

Rita Ora and Tommy Hillfiger’s son broke up – ICYDK


Afternoon Crumbs

June 10, 2015 / Posted by:

Hilary Rhoda and Andy Cohen’s martini glass holder Sean Avery look like delicately crafted wax figures in Hamptons MagazineCelebitchy

Jurassic World is expected to make a zillion dollars this weekend, which means that Chris Pratt will be able to buy all the Viagra pills he wants with his back end – Lainey Gossip

Tamar Braxton wants nothing to do with Los Angeles Pride. Um, Igloo Australia’s available if they need a replacement – Reality Tea

I’m surprised there’s not dozens of dead fishes floating on the ocean around her,” said Brandi Glanville after looking at this picture of her arch rival Joanna “Fishy Puss” Krupa at the beach – (NSFW) Drunken Stepfather

Not that I have a soul, but if I did, Bryce Dallas Howard’s possessed eyes would’ve eaten it – The Superficial

Some hos still have strong feelings about Caitlyn Jenner getting that Arthur Ashe Courage Award. Case in point: Bob CostasTowleroad

Now this ant knows how to party – Hollywood Tuna

Emmanuelle’s dress slit was cut so high that you could almost see her ChriquiPopoholic

These animals obviously went to Barbizon, because they’re emoting “train to be a model or just look like one” confidence – The Berry

Speaking of Barbizon, my etiquette teacher (yes, I probably failed that course hard) would shake her head at the way Caitlyn Jenner is sitting in this picture with her plastic surgeon – Just Jared

John Waters tells graduates to go out into the world and fuck it up beautifully, unlike the generations before them who have done a good job of fucking it up ugly – Jezebel

Panty Creamer of the Day: Some Made in Chelsea dude dickbombs his girlfriend’s totally natural and not-at-all staged Instagram picture – (NSFW) OMG Blog

Chickadee is suing Mama June for not paying her for “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo.”  If you were wondering if that family is still a mess, you got your answer – HuffPo

The Swedish Shauna Sand is still spreading her grace and demureness wherever she goes – WWTDD

CaCa Longstocking is dressing weird again, looks like a Zoolander villain while doing so – ICYDK

Crocheted halters for pussies are so going to becoming a thing now and they should! – SOW

Another day, another set of pictures of Ben Affleck looking like the epitome of happiness while doing the pap strut with Jennifer GarnerPopsugar


Afternoon Crumbs

June 5, 2015 / Posted by:

Here’s picture proof that tall drink of Swedish leche Alexander Skarsgard and Alexa Chung are a thing. But you know, these pictures are a little weird and kind of unnatural. I mean, if you were dating ASkars, wouldn’t your hand be on his Swedish peen instead of his hand and wouldn’t your legs be wrapped around his neck. That’s what any normal person would do while taking a walk with him. Hmmm…. – Lainey Gossip

The Scientology scientists should get a raise for the Katie Holmes clone they made for Tommy Girl. I mean, she’s even got Katie’s signature look of pure misery – The Superficial

Okay, but what do Bert and Ernie think. That’s who I really want to hear from – Towleroad

It’s Friday, so why not watch this video of ferrets babies following their mommy around? – Hollywood Tuna

Something called a Pia Mia rolls around the sand like a seal in distress – Drunken Stepfather

Here I am at jury duty looking at picture after picture of man nipples and I hope the lady next to me who is staring at my screen is getting the tingles from this – The Berry

Justin Theroux says that he’s a stupid bitch – Celebitchy

Why can’t the punishment for pleading guilty to careless driving of an ATV be life in prison? – Just Jared

Thanks to Chris Christie’s camel toe, I’ve got camel toe on the brain and just spent way too much time looking for one on Hilary DuffPopoholic

Some dude proposed to his girlfriend with a McDonald’s chicken sandwich. That dude is my soulmate. – Pajiba

In “something that has happened a million times before” news, Chelsea Handler’s nipples are on the internet – IDLYITW

Solid gold is Tim Gunn’s brain melting while reviewing Kummy Kakes‘ koffee table book – Reality Tea

VEINS: Jared Leto’s got some. More than some. – Popsugar

Pic: FameFlynet


Memorial Day Crumbs

May 25, 2015 / Posted by:

Panty Creamer Of The Day: Matt Boner is hot, wet and topless in Hawaii. Just try to ignore the “squeezing out a fart” facial expression that he’s making, unless your sick, nasty, disgusting, not right ass is into that sort of thing – Lainey Gossip 

Kim Richards took a break from drying out in rehab to stare at some ugly bridesmaids dresses at her daughter’s second wedding in Mexico – Reality Tea 


Nothing ruins a children’s birthday party like the Spiderman you hired almost dying – Drunken Stepfather

What in Rhoda Going To Studio 54 HELL is Kendull Jenner wearing? – Popoholic

The Olsens broke John Stamos’ heart, but he should look on the bright side. At least they didn’t eat his soul, which is probably what they wanted to do after he called them out – Jezebel

Ali Larter is in a bikini top if that’s what you’ve been hoping to see today – Hollywood Tuna 

Vancouver has invented the food of the stoner gods – OMG Blog

The look on the lady in the blue says everything I want to say about Sienna Miller’s dress – Popsugar

The Difficult Brown showed the world that he’s still an anal wart of rage by threatening to beat Tyson Beckford’s child over some dumb picture – Just Jared

BB King’s daughters think he poisoned to death. QUICK! Get Detective La Toya on the case – HuffPo

Pamela Anderson got naked for PETA (again) and made the same face she probably made when Tommy Lee went balls deep the first time – IDLYITW

In “Just Because You Can Doesn’t Mean You Should” news, Justin Bieber yodeled out Boyz II Men’sI’ll Make Love To You” at a club. That clip is totally going to be Usher’s new ringtone – SOW

Pic: FameFlynet


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