Category: Afternoon Crumbs

Afternoon Crumbs

May 2, 2016 / Posted by:

Prince Hot Ginge met with Canada’s Prime Minister (and the mash-up of Peter Facinelli and James Marsden) Justin Trudeau today to promote next year’s Invictus Games in Toronto. And this may be the first time I’ve ever been jealous of the Canadian flag, because look how close it is to being the meat in a hot ginge and Canadian hot piece sandwich – Lainey Gossip

To the surprise of absolutely no one who has a drop of common sense, Kelly Ripa turned her rage over being blindsided by ABC into more $$$$$$ in her checking account – Celebitchy

What in disco funeral HELL is Taylor Swift wearing? – Drunken Stepfather

Shannon Beador’s Orange County mansion sold for $9 million – Reality Tea 

Jean-Claude Van Damme is onto the Illuminati’s Trump-hating ways! – The Superficial 

The Dixie Chicks did Beyonce’s Daddy LessonsTowleroad

If you worked with Chris Evans (not the Captain America one) on The Big Breakfast in the 90s, there’s a chance that he may have you given your eyes an unsolicited dick flashing show – Jezebel

Yes, the new Ghostbusters trailer sucks, but how is it the most hated trailer on YouTube when the Fifty Shades of Shit trailer exists on YouTube? – Egotastic!

Now we know why Julia Roberts had to recycle that polyester wig from Notting Hill for her role in Mother’s Day. It’s because they blew the budget on her $3 million paycheck and didn’t have enough money to buy a better wig – Pajiba

I never thought I’d type this, but I’d much rather look at Asslee Simpson’s ass cheeks than Evan Ross’ tragic Amish hipster look – The Nip Slip 

The Jungle Book ate up and shit out Mother’s Day this past weekend – HuffPo

Kristen Stewart still looks like she belongs on a Hair of Meth poster – Popoholic

That teddy dress makes Charlotte McKinney’s chichis look like a satin neck pillow – Hollywood Tuna  

I want to party on a bus full of drunk giraffes – The Berry 

In case you were wondering if Kate Hudson and Nick Jonas are still fuck buddies… – Just Jared

“Panama City Beach lot lizard” eleganza brought to you by Miley CyrusPopsugar

Pic: Getty

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Afternoon Crumbs

February 15, 2016 / Posted by:

The people of Canada have taken off their mourning veils, because their national nightmare is over. Their very own Duchess Kate and Prince William, Avril Lavigne and Chad Kroeger, realized that they are a match made in suck heaven and have gotten back together. Let’s all celebrate by poking our ear drums out, because there’s a good chance they’re going to commemorate getting back together with a new duet – Lainey Gossip 

Somebody invited Backdoor Farrah to a fashion show – Reality Tea 

I don’t know who this delicate orchid petal is, but I do know that I am in love with her – Drunken Stepfather

It’s nice knowing that Brit Brit Spears’ pink wig is still getting work – The Superficial 

The next Star Wars movie started shooting about 10 seconds ago and Disney is already whoring it out – IDLYITW

Hilary Duff is still on vacation and is still in a bikini – The Nip Slip 

Something I never knew I needed in my life: A variety show starring Maya Rudolph and Martin ShortJezebel

Demi Moore may have temporarily turned in her cougar card by humping on Kiefer SutherlandCelebitchy

That peroxide head who is staring at The Rock’s rock is me, pretty much – SOW

An American Idol trick came out and no, it wasn’t Ryan SeacrestTowleroad

Kat Dennings’ magnificent chichis made an appearance at Clive Davis’ pre-Grammy party – Hollywood Tuna 

Miranda Kerr’s smug piece looks like he’s really happy to be Miranda Kerr’s piece – Popoholic

Hmm… I bet Ty Ty Baby’s baby is still smizing with his eyes closed – Popsugar

“I created a STUNT QUEEN nightmare,” said the publicist from The Voice who put Blake Shelton and Gwen Stefani together – HuffPo

FYI: Kanye West isn’t broke. He can still buy furs and houses. He’s begging for other people’s money because he doesn’t want to use his own on his projects. Why isn’t Kanye running for president? He fits right in with the other candidates – Just Jared

When album covers brought the glamour and the art – The Berry 

Pic: Getty

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Afternoon Crumbs

January 11, 2016 / Posted by:

Elegance is Kate Hudson showing up to the Golden Globes wearing a stunning ensemble straight from a Tumblr called Skanky Prom Dresses – Lainey Gossip 

Attention whore pot accuses attention whore kettle of being attention whore-y – Reality Tea 

Maggie Gyllenhaal wore a dress made with Mrs. Roper’s shelf lining paper, but it worked because she matched with the background – Celebitchy

ABC made a comedy about Dan Savage’s teenage life and Martha Plimpton is in it. That’s all I need to know. – Towleroad

What in $20 Craigslist hooker hell is Maitland Ward doing? – Drunken Stepfather

Where does Gillian Anderson’s hair end and her dress start? – The Superficial 

Who cares about Kaley Cuoco, scroll down to get several servings of Christina Hendricks’ magnificent lopsided chichis – Popoholic

Kirstie Alley’s latest Jenny Craig commercial is a bootleg Cheers episode – OMG Blog

Don’t ask Jamie Lee Curtis about recreating her mom’s Psycho shower scene. Yes, she’s done it a couple of times and will probably do it again, but don’t ask her about it! She’s moved on! – Jezebel

Miss Universe wants to do James FrancoIDLYITW

Bella Thorne wore one of the finest gowns from Frederick’s of Hollywood’s black collection to a Golden Globes after-party – Hollywood Tuna 

Rachel McAdams and Ryan Gosling were both at the Golden Globes and surprisingly they didn’t immediately run into each other’s arms and re-enact the rain scene from The Notebook as their assistants poured water on their heads – Popsugar

Panty Creamers of the Day: Dudes bathing – The Berry 

Panty Creamer of the Golden Globes: Oscar Isaac Just Jared

David Bowie deserves a million tributes for a million different reasons and one of those reasons is his impeccable and flawless mug shot posing game – HuffPo

Dear noted ear biter Mike Tyson, please meet your dream girl – Starcasm

Pic: Getty

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New Year’s Eve Crumbs

December 31, 2015 / Posted by:

Katy Perry and John Mayer are still humping on each other and last night they were papped leaving a restaurant together. Nothing says “true everlasting love” like Katy Perry hanging her head in pure shame, because she can’t believe that she’s still fucking that giant genital ulcer – Lainey Gossip 

That confused look…. That cane… Those lawyers helping him walk… Bill Cosby laid it on thick during his perp walk – The Superficial 

Jabba the Trump thinks that President Obama is trying to yank his pink can of AquaNet from his slimy paws – Towleroad

Gavin Rossdale’s one-time secret daughter is at the beach like every other rich ho – Hollywood Tuna

If you’ve been thinking to yourself, “You know, 2015 can’t end without me seeing Rita Ora in another bikini one last time,” you’re in luck – Popoholic

Why am I staring deep into Tara Reid’s skeletal and silicone abyss? – Drunken Stepfather 

This kid’s reaction to getting a new sister is pretty much my reaction to anything new – The Berry 

Renee “Squinty No More” Zellweger is still with that fancy-named dude – Celebitchy

If Kendall Jenner and Harry Styles had dinner together in Anguilla and they were not “caught” by the paparazzi Pimp Mama Kris called, did it really happen? – Popsugar

Chris Rock says that Jennifer Lawrence would really be crying about the gender wage gap if she was a black woman – Just Jared

Pic: FameFlynet

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Afternoon Crumbs

December 30, 2015 / Posted by:

The look IS that wet piece of tampon lint Marky Mark wearing a ball cap, a rosary and Starburst swim trunks in Hawaii.  Dude looks like if the definition of a Boston stereotype shat all over a Tommy Bahamas store – Lainey Gossip 

Woe is Teresa Giudice: She can take her greedy hairline out of her marble prison of pure class, but she has to get permission first – Reality Tea

FYI: Leonardo DiCatchAHo could’ve been Anakin Skywalker if he wanted to – Celebitchy

Liam Payne’s chest hair is sort of shaped like a cut dick – Towleroad

Like every other famous (and not really famous) trick, Brittny Gastineau is in a swimsuit – Hollywood Tuna

Rita Ora too – Drunken Stepfather

And Laverne CoxPopsugar

Skip down mammary lane AGAIN with Heidi KlumThe Superficial

I was waiting for one of Mark Salling’s “friends” to scream “HACKED!” and they’re right on time – Just Jared

And now for a palate cleanser: the hot pieces who went viral for being hot in 2015 – The Berry 

Excuse me while I punch myself in the eyes for mistaking Emma Roberts for Charlize TheronPopoholic

Ashley Benson went blonder. But I’m sure you already knew that after the news interrupted one of your TV shows to tell you – HuffPo

THE ROCK’S THIGHS – SOW

Pic: FameFlynet

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Afternoon Crumbs

December 29, 2015 / Posted by:

Gwen Stefani and Blake Shelton took their real and organic love to Phoenix where even he seem surprised by the levels of thirst she’s reaching. While she’s taking that selfie for Instagram, will somebody please hand her a Gatorade while someone else hoses down her jeans? – Lainey Gossip 

Oh please, Lindsay Lohan was really FaceTiming with “White Oprah” who called because she wanted to make sure that “Santa” was leaving a check under her tree. Her tab at the liquor store is way past due – The Superficial 

James Franco’s new highly artistic book features an interview between Straight James and Gay James. I obviously haven’t read it, but the thought of it is already working my 100% gay nerve – Towleroad

Rita Ora’s hard nips made an appearance in Miami and that’s great and everything, but why is she wearing the flag of Sierra Leone as a bathing suit? – Hollywood Tuna

Yes, those Love Magazine advent videos are still going on and yes, Adriana Lima’s chichis were in one – Drunken Stepfather

This dog is like a living and breathing jacuzzi machine – The Berry 

Oprah’s cheesy ass and eye roll-worthy Weight Watchers commercial makes me want to binge eat a whole lot of fried carbs – Celebitchy

Panty Creamer Of The Day: Anthony Kiedis taking his nipples for a walk in Hawaii – Just Jared

Like Kyle Richards would really walk away from a job where cameras are on her attention whore ass all day long – Reality Tea

Still in a bikini: Katie Cassidy is – Popoholic

Here’s a tiny peek of Oscar Isaac’s nalgas. You can barely see anything, but I’ll still take it. – OMG Blog

Even Sarah McLachlan can’t watch her ASPCA commercials – Jezebel

Celebrities are just like us: Jennifer Lawrence spends her New Year’s Eve being drunk and sad – HuffPo

Elodie Yung as Elektra or Vanessa Marcil circa the 90s? – Pajiba

I’ve had bacon a billion times at least and I still have the same reaction to it as this kid – SOW

Pic: Splash

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Black Friday Crumbs

November 27, 2015 / Posted by:

This Black Friday fuckery video of a “crazy bitch” (aka an actress from central casting playing the role of a “crazy bitch”) snatching a steamer out of the hands of a “child” (aka a child actor playing the role of a “child carrying a steamer”) really, really hurts me. Isn’t there enough real Black Friday craziness out there? Have we really gotten to the point where we have to stage Black Friday craziness? I swear, Jimmy Kimmel ruins everything – OMG Blog

And here’s a few real and authentic (I think) Black Friday brawl videos to make you proud to be a human – NYDN

I see that Mimi, the Queen of Christmas, wore a very casual ensemble while reigning over the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade yesterday – Lainey Gossip

Teresa Giudice spent Thanksgiving alone in prison for the sake of her daughters. She is so brave… – Reality Tea  

The Rock is the best – Celebitchy

And Christina Milian is equal parts weird and thirsty – Drunken Stepfather

Paul Walker’s father is suing Porsche too – HuffPo

Nothing makes a ho throw money at their screen like the words “Adele is going on tour”Refinery29

Watch your ass Jennifer Aniston, because Chrissy Teigen is coming for your “walking in front of the paps with a bottle of Smart Water” gig – Hollywood Tuna 

This puts a dollop of YES on top of my sweet potato pie: Patti LaBelle and the fan who made her Walmart sweet potato pie a hit spent Thanksgiving together – Towleroad

My cold and hungover heart actually started to beat while looking at these pictures of Prince Hot Ginge reuniting with the boy he met during a trip to Africa 11 years ago – Lainey Gossip 

Michael Weatherly, that dude who is in NCIS and used to bone Jessica Alba, got busted for DUI – Starpulse

The Kartrashian koven took a fame whore family Instagram picture on Thanksgiving while Rob Kartrashian was in the kitchen sprinkling laxatives all over their plates – Just Jared

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Afternoon Crumbs

September 14, 2015 / Posted by:

Lindsay Lohan dribbled out a rambling rant about 9/11, Michael Jackson, PETA, TMZ, Oprah, the #UnitedNations and I don’t even know what else on Instagram. It is the bad shit-induced essay that launched a thousand WTFs. It reads like a monologue from True Detective. That’s how confusing it is – IDLYITW

Ellen Page’s girlfriend is giving me “mash-up of Kim Gordon and Cate Blanchett”Lainey Gossip 

Bravo ‘s three-part Real Housewives of New Jersey prison special starring the Giudices is incomplete without clear shots of her looking like a wreck in prison – Reality Tea 

CAUTION: Do not make the same mistake I made by eating while scrolling down to the picture of the pedo salamander known as Tyga smiling while next to his plastic child piece. Your food will end up on the desk in front of you and your stomach will hate you – Celebitchy

Burning Man looks like hell on earth and not even Susan Sarandon done up like a bride on LSD could make me change my mind about that  – Drunken Stepfather

Subway got a serious complaint about Subway Jared’s pedo ways a long time ago – The Superficial 

Amber Heard and Johnny Depp are still posing for photographers at film festivals. Johnny Depp looks happy about it – Popoholic

This little girl is scared of her shadow and now that she’s pointed it out, she’s right. Shadows are pretty scary – The Berry

Kim Davis has everyone’s dream job. She’s getting paid a good chunk of money to sit in her office and watch Netflix and porn all day – Towleroad

In THIS BITCH news: Matt Damon cut off a black filmmaker to school her on diversity in films – Jezebel

And here’s a candidate for the title of Most Perfect Dog in the World – Hollywood Tuna 

Panty Creamer of the Day: Alex Petmyfur gets almost naked for Mario TestinoJust Jared

Chris Hardwick is getting married to Lydia Hearst. Remember when he was dating Jacinda from The Real World: London? – Pajiba

Disney is making a sequel to Mary Poppins and the only thing I have to say about that is: Chim chim-in-ey, chim chim-in-ey, chim chim cher-WHYYYYYYYYYY? – The Hollywood Reporter

Watching Peaches suck off Margaret Cho’s knit dick is just what I needed on this Monday – OMG Blog

Justin Bieber will have Gwen Stefani’s exact hairstyle in 3..2.. – Popsugar

Speaking of, Daniel Day-Lewis’ 20-year-old son looks like a butch Justin BieberBoy Culture

Pic: Instagram

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Afternoon Crumbs

August 6, 2015 / Posted by:

Goopy Paltrow went to Washington to talk about GMO labeling and while there, I’m sure she also talked to Joe Biden about the benefits of anus steaming and tried to hide her look of complete disgust when she found out that Michelle Obama’s White House vegetable garden does not use soil organically grown by 8th generation farmers from Holland  – Lainey Gossip 

Keef Richards thinks Sgt. Pepper’s was a trash album. I hope Paul McCartney is getting into a Speedo and is preparing to wrestle Keef in a plastic pool full of oil – Celebitchy

Kathy Hilton goes after Dr. Drew for commenting on Kim Richards and I’m just going to go sit in the section marked Team Neither Of Them – Reality Tea 

Kate Pierson and her partner of a million years got married in Hawaii – Towleroad

Beyonce is trying to make the flash tattoo happen – Drunken Stepfather

Gigi Hadid’s in W MagazineIDLYITW

And I’m sure if I checked, I could find 6-month-old pictures of RiRi wearing the same bikini that Rita Ora’s wearing – The Superficial 

Charlize Theron went to yoga where I’m sure she made at least one child star from the 90s cry – Popoholic

Jared Leto’s lawyer wants everyone on the Internet to stop talking about his huge dick, because you know, having a huge dick is a bad thing – Jezebel

Nina Agdal’s nipples look like this, in case you’ve been wondering – Hollywood Tuna 

That husky is either on bath salts or really loves water – The Berry 

Kelly Clarkson does Prince (not like that) – SOW

James Franco will probably have gay incest sex with himself in a show for HBO. That’s so Franco – HuffPo

Either I’m still drunk from last night or these pictures of Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux getting on a private jet are really blurry – Popsugar

Some crazy fan grabbed Taylor Swift during a show. She’s so going to write a diss track about that fan – ICYDK

Crazy Eyes from Orange is the New Black will be Glinda in The Wiz LiveJust Jared

And on a sad note, one of my favorite pop stars of all-time Samantha Fox lost her manager and partner of 16 years – Boy Culture

Pic: Getty

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Afternoon Crumbs

July 29, 2015 / Posted by:

Michelle Williams is dating author Jonathan Safran Foer and the source says it’s not a surprise, because she just loves books. If she loves books so much why doesn’t she just date a damn book? I didn’t know I was going to make a Pee-wee Herman reference while talking about Michelle Williams’ dating life, but here we are – Lainey Gossip 

Kim Kartrashian supposedly called Beyonce to laugh about her own pillow baby rumors and I’d totally believe it if I also believed that Beyonce gave Kim her real phone number – Celebitchy

Oh, it’s just Olivia Culpo naked and farting on a model’s chest for a photo shoot – Drunken Stepfather

Channing Tatum is probably not going to be Gambit The Superficial 

Chrissy Teigen wore an arm bra for Women’s Health UKEgotastic

Kelly Bundy could’ve been Elle WoodsJezebel

Eva Longoria and a journalist had a small fight over whether or not she needs eyeglasses to see. But you probably already read about it when it was CNN’s top story this morning – Egotastic 

That girl from Victorious looks like this now – Popoholic

The Katsopolis twins from Full House look like this now – HuffPo

Why don’t I have any friends who will stick Twizzlers in my mouth when I’m asleep? – Hollywood Tuna 

Elaine Lancaster is a life-saving drag queen hero! – Towleroad

A company called Lucky 13 really wants naked pics of Taylor SwiftIDLYITW

Because Detroit hasn’t been through enough, they have a Pimp Mama Kris statue now – Pajiba

Macy Gray made a song about her vibrator – SOW

Those hosts on Good Day Sacramento just didn’t get Cara Delevingne’s British sense of humor, so says Cara Delevingne – Just Jared

The raw emotions poured out of  Jimmy Kimmel as he talked about Cecil the LionPopsugar

Pic: Getty

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