Category: Afternoon Crumbs

Afternoon Crumbs

November 12, 2018 / Posted by:

Jaden Smith declared at a festival hosted by Tyler, The Creator, that Tyler is his motherfucking boyfriend and has been his motherfucking boyfriend his whole life. Um, okay, but I thought that Jaden was already married to the moon and the ethereal thoughts of wisdom that he speaks were actually orgasm streams he lets out while humping his lover (I swear I’m not on the same shit as Jaden). But if Tyler is Jaden’s man, then congrats, and can he please hand his motherfucking boyfriend, a motherfucking Sharpie, because those motherfucking alien-on-meth peroxide brows are terrifying – Towleroad

Heidi Klum gives her cow milk fetishist fans some fap material – Drunken Stepfather 

When a cast member from a TLC shit show gets arrested, the TLC casting agent who hired them gets its wings (read: a bonus) – Reality Tea 

I see that celebrities brought out their bottom of the barrel ensembles for a bottom of the barrel awards show – Celebitchy

Counter: why you SHOULD install your own stripper people (because you can get some quick YouTube fame by busting your ass) – SOW

Just when I was starting to think that it’s been much too long (like 2 hours) since I’ve seen Emily RideAJetSki’s nalgitas, Emily RideAJetSki’s nalgitas pop up – Hollywood Tuna 

Here’s Kat Dennings serving up some big-tittied Morticia Addams eleganza – Popoholic

No wonder Michelle Williams doesn’t want to fuck her fiancé – Pajiba

Kanye West and Kim Kardashian supposedly hired “private firefighters” to save their mansion – Just Jared

Pic: Wenn.com

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Afternoon Crumbs

November 2, 2018 / Posted by:

Rebel Wilson felt the wrath of Twitter and those who have a PhD in the history of rom-coms after she wrongly declared that she’s the first ever plus-size actress to be the star of a romantic comedy. When people tried to pop the bubble of delusion that Rebel lives in by letting her know about Queen Latifah and Ricki Lake, she doubled down and said that “technically” it’s not clear if those actresses are considered plus-size and “technically” it’s not clear if they were billed as the sole star. Oh, Rebel, technically you’re wrong and technically you’re the Sam Smith of plus-size actresses. And I bet Goopy Paltrow is on the sidelines saying, “Um, excuse you, but what about me in Shallow Hal?!” – Lainey Gossip

Behold, the first look of Goopy Paltrow in her wedding dress. And I’m not sure why she choose the picture where she’s screaming because her marital coochie egg is almost falling out – Just Jared

Why didn’t anybody tell me that Billy Eichner plays Peter Pan Dude in American Horror Story: Apocalypse? – Pajiba

Along with NeNe Leakes’ extra long Top Ramen wig, most of those taglines need to be gone with the wind – Reality Tea

In Prince Charles’ Vanity Fair profile, “insiders” bring the pettiness by calling Prince Willy and Duchess Kate “control freaks” while praising Duchess Camilla as a royal favorite. Why do I have a feeling that one of the insider’s name is Lord Kotex McTampax? – Celebitchy

Emily RideAJetSki wore the inside/out carcasses of teddy bears to do Raquel Welch for Halloween – Popoholic

A new Hell IS being trapped in a car with James Corden as he sings Barbra Streisand songs – Boy Culture 

Kelly Ripa, who?! – Drunken Stepfather 

Pic: Wenn.com

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Afternoon Crumbs

October 26, 2018 / Posted by:

Catholic church-fighting Catholic Sinead O’Connor has announced through a series of tweets that she’s broken up with Catholicism, has converted to Islam, and changed her name to Shuhada’ Davitt. It wasn’t that long ago that she was down and out in a New Jersey motel room, so hopefully she’s finding happiness and conquering depression like she conquered the difficult brown. And after watching her video, I’m glad she’s not putting on an “accent.” Lindsay Lohan, take note, please! –Towleroad

Somewhere in Las Vegas a Coyote Ugly bartender is missing her boots – Lainey Gossip

Lisa Rinna’s chichis look like they’re holding on for dear life and trying not to flop out of that shit-fitted dress – Reality Tea

Pamela Anderson’s nip knob decided to get a little air – (NSFW) Drunken Stepfather

Throbbing Anus Wart Alert!!! And yes I am one too, because I laughed for a second – Pajiba

Caitlyn Jenner’s legs and calves must be made of pure muscle with all this backpedaling she’s doing – Celebitchy

Mary Elizabeth Winstead needs to pink slip the stylist who paired a Reynolds Wrap sack with some 90s suede boots instead of exquisite Lucite heels like that dress was screaming for – Popoholic

NBC News redefined DUH today – Just Jared

Pic: @MagdaDavitt77

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Afternoon Crumbs

October 19, 2018 / Posted by:

If Susan Powter starred in a no-budget community theater production of Hello Dolly! and all the costumes were made using castoffs from local child beauty pageant queens, it still wouldn’t look nearly as messy as the shit Katy Perry wore to an amfAR gala last night. Katy’s got so many feathers, rhinestones and taffeta on her that I’m sure a memaw browsed her after mistaking her for a bin at Michael’s – Lainey Gossip

Fuck this shit, I’m totally boycotting the Ritz-Carlton, and yes I’m boycotting it because of this homophobic racism, and not because I can’t afford a room there – Towleroad

A crazy mom of a mess went on a deranged rant about childless couples at Disneyland, specifically a cunt in some very slutty shorts who bought a Mickey pretzel that her son wanted. Good god girl get a grip, you could’ve asked me to give your kid my Mickey pretzel. No, I wouldn’t have given it to him, but I would’ve loved to laugh in his crying face before skipping off in my very slutty shorts – Pajiba

This is more entertaining than the trailer for the Queen biopic – SOW

Here she is, Miss Reynolds Wrap 2018Popoholic

Rest in peace, moon goddess Lois Aldrin who is now twirling through the universe – The Blast

Pic: Backgrid

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Afternoon Crumbs

October 12, 2018 / Posted by:

The teaser trailer for the live-action Aladdin movie, directed by Guy Ritchie, is out. What I’m getting from it is that on the way to the Cave of Wonders must be a full-service salon, which is why Aladdin’s (played by Mena Massoud) hair, skin, and eyebrow game is photo shoot ready fresh. I bet Genie popped out like, “Bitch, I’ll grant you three wishes as long as you give me the secrets to your flawless eyebrow situation.” – Pajiba

Marvel isn’t about to mess with the money-making formula that filled their pockets like movie theaters getting filled with panty pudding when Michael B. Jordan’s shirtless body popped up on the screen in Black PantherLainey Gossip 

If you’re gay and engaged,  but didn’t get engaged at a pop star’s concert, did you even get engaged at all? – Towleroad

My new favorite exercise is the cardio eyeroll I do every time Hilaria Baldwin talks about her post-birth body – Celebitchy

Coco Montrese needs to send NeNe Leakes a cease and desist for stealing her painted-up face – Reality Tea

Dua Lipa should go down to the free clinic and get those spots looked at – Hollywood Tuna

How many shows and movies about Ole’ Raw Hamburger Balls do we need? – Just Jared

Okay, but were these twinks even alive in 1999? Yes, I’m too lazy to Google – OMG Blog

Yes. – SOW

Pic: YouTube

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Afternoon Crumbs

October 8, 2018 / Posted by:

Neri Oxman, the MIT professor who was rumored to be doing Brad Pitt, says they’re not dating. But she called him “timeless” and said he’s “the last of the Mohicans in post-Netflix Hollywood.” Err, girl knows he did a Netflix movie, right? And she also said she carried a book called The Golden Record in front of the paps to promote science, “The Golden Record beats the Caviar quilted flap bag on any given day. Toting the ultimate message to moon was my message in a bottle to the paparazzi. The Feynman Lectures followed.” No wonder Neri and Brad didn’t really work out. I know Brad likes to think he’s fluent in the language of PretentiousAsFuck, but his brain probably shut down and issued a “does not compute” error whenever Neri talked – Celebitchy

That Real Housewife of Potomoc husband, who was accused of groping a cameraman, isn’t going to face any charges – Reality Tea

A luxury boutique hotel in Santa Barbara or Jesse Tyler Ferguson’s house? – Towleroad

If you’ve ever accused Backdoor Farrah of never displaying loads of demure elegance, then you’ve never seen these pictures of her Tupperware titty dome coming out of her blazer – Drunken Stepfather

The only correct answer to this headline question is: every female performance in ShowgirlsPajiba

What in hipster Amish Diane Keaton HELL is Olivia Wilde wearing? – Popoholic

One of the Pretty Little Liars had a pretty little baby, who isn’t a liar, that I know of – Just Jared

Pic: YouTube

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