Category: Afternoon Crumbs

Afternoon Crumbs

June 16, 2017 / Posted by:

I hate this cover of Vogue starring Zendaya, and only because for one split second I thought that Anna Wintour had finally done something right by bringing the unibrow back. I was tricked! – Lainey Gossip 

You probably have bags the size of obese slugs under your eyes and your nerves are shot to hell and back and it’s all because you’ve spent many, many sleepless nights wondering how many visitors Amber Rose’s coochie has had this year. Well, you can sleep again, because she answered that question finally! And welcome to the club, Amber – Just Jared

Douche says douchey things – Celebitchy

Bella Thorne’s open-mouth sexy faces looks more like an “Ah’ve got a nose bleed and it’s windy in here” face – Drunken Stepfather

Kate Moss has gone from being married to a Count von Count-looking musician to dating to an actual count (who looks about 12) – Popsugar

Caroline Stanbury of Ladies of London (RIP, probably) has come to Los Angeles to hang out with the bright shining A-list stars of Hollywood! – Reality Tea 

The new Spider-Man movie will probably have at least one scene where Peter Parker’s classmates tell him what an AILF his Aunt May is  – Popoholic

Sweater Jesus is giving more face than Madison Beer is – Hollywood Tuna 

I guess “death by McDonald’s french fries” isn’t going to be my demise after all – Towleroad

Pic: Vogue

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Afternoon Crumbs 

June 9, 2017 / Posted by:

Brad Pitt (and his crotch pits) were at last night’s NYC premiere of Okja, and either he dresses to his left or he’s trying to smuggle in a little baggie of Whoppers. IN THIS ECONOMY, even millionaires don’t want to pay movie theater prices for Whoppers  – Lainey Gossip

Guess what? Dani Mathers is still a fake ass lying asshole liar – Celebitchy

Brandi AnalGlanville really should’ve waited to drop this dumb nugget about LeAnn Rimes, because this week is all about another stupid never-ending feud (see: Taylor v. Katy) – Reality Tea

Semi-professional pap walker Hilary Duff must’ve been so embarrassed by her puppy refusing to walk in front of the paps – Drunken Stepfather

Okay, but why does it look like Selena Gomez is wearing a sleeveless paper hospital gown as a top? – The Nip Slip 

And why is she dressed like a teenage candy striper at an S&M hospital? – Hollywood Tuna

Scissor Sisters and MNDR got together to make a song to help the victims of the Pulse Nightclub attack – Towleroad

When are we going to find out that Kristen Stewart really shaved and bleached her hair after making the best decision she’s ever made by signing on to play Susan Powter in a riveting biopic?  – Popoholic

What in 90s candy raver meets bootleg TLC outfit HELL is Halsey wearing? – Just Jared

Laura Prepon is having a girl who she will probably name either L. Rona Prepon Foster or Davida Miscavige Prepon Foster – Popsugar

Pic: Backgrid

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Afternoon Crumbs 

May 26, 2017 / Posted by:

Katy Perry and Orlando Bloom broke up three months ago, but it looks like he got visitation rights with her dog Butters. Hmmm… I never thought about what I would say if an ex wanted visitation rights with my dog. I’d probably be very reasonable and say that I’ll gladly give him visitation rights if he gives me a giant monthly doggy support check to pay for my pooch’s all organic food, must-needed weekly grooming appointments, designer clothes, team of nannies and for the therapy he’ll need when he comes back from a visit and realizes he wasn’t free of my annoying ass forever. That last one wouldn’t be bullshit – Lainey Gossip

LeAnn Rimes says that everyone freaked out when she did something called “Tight Tush Tuesday” on Instagram. By “everyone” I’m guessing she means the dozens of fake accounts she created to like her own pics – Celebitchy

Rita Ora is in Cannes wearing what looks like a Louis Vuitton knock-off bikini bought from a swap meet – Drunken Stepfather

Vicki Gunvalson says that she’s not spending time with her cancer faker ex, which means that she’s totally spending time with her cancer faker ex – Reality Tea

Ariana Grande is going back to Manchester to do a charity show for the victims – Towleroad

(Tilt your head to the side, grab the bottle of bleach and gently pour into your ear until the disturbing images are gone.) You’re going to need those instructions after seeing this little clip of Bella Thorne eyeing the camera while dry boning a napkin – Hollywood Tuna

Emily RideAJetSki is still in Cannes – Popoholic

Derek Hough brought out his Ken doll nipples on American Ninja WarriorJust Jared

New goal life: getting my tarot cards read by Rochelle from The Craft Popsugar

Pic: Wenn.com

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Afternoon Crumbs

May 5, 2017 / Posted by:

In honor of Mother’s Day, those known horny fast food hos at KFC have gifted moms with the 12th spice in their secret blend: a romance novel starring giant slice of hot white meat Colonel Sanders. I was going to say that KFC should sell a special lube that goes along with this fap material, but they don’t need to do that. If you want to lube yourself up before reading their romance novel, just squeeze the grease out of their chicken over you. And I’m mad at KFC for blocking Colonel Sanders’ crotch, because I need to see if he’s packing a wing or an extra meaty drumstick – Jezebel

Let’s continue the theme of romance with these pictures of Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell christening her star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame with their love – Popsugar

Bradley Cooper doesn’t want to talk babies, real or otherwise – Lainey Gossip 

On this Cinco de Mayo, let’s get into the hotness of Demián Bichir in a suit (just scroll past Assbender) – Celebitchy

Sonja Morgan really does want to be the Little Edie of the Upper East Side – Reality Tea

Panty Creamer of the Day: Bearded pieces in kilts doing leg work – Towleroad

Karlie Kloss models outfits that look like they were rejected by Beyonce for her Lemonade special – Hollywood Tuna

Are we really sure these are pictures of the real Jessica Biel? I’m not sure because Justin Timberlake isn’t cheesing it up behind her like the attention whore he is – Popoholic

Dove Cameron looks like she’s wearing a weightlifting belt that doubles as a waist trainer – Drunken Stepfather

Kimmy Gibbler sees all….. – SOW

Ariel Winter spit at the jealous, boring-dressed haters who just won’t let her be great (and elegant) – Just Jared

Quick Programming Note: Thanks to Ben for helping us this week while Allison and I both dealt with family stuff. I’m also checking out extra early today to deal with more family stuff. And if you’re thinking that “family stuff” is code for “celebrate Cinco de Mayo by getting day drunk with my cousins on the front patio of one of their townhouses,” you miiiight be right.

Pic: KFC

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Afternoon Crumbs

December 30, 2016 / Posted by:

Cutting her good snorting finger in a boating accident helped Lindsay Lohan understand the suffering of Syrian refugees. Well, it’s official, I guess whatever was left of LiLo’s brain was in the finger that got sliced up – The Superficial

Marky Mark spent his holidays like a Real Housewife: sipping on ro-zay in an ugly pink swimsuit on a yacht in the Caribbean – Lainey Gossip

Adele may have gotten married on the down low during Christmastimes  – Celebitchy

Countess Luann de Lesseps is going to marry that bald ball of sleaze on New Year’s Eve and I’m sure Bethenny Frankel is going to get her a very useful wedding gift (read: a divorce lawyer’s card) – Reality Tea

Like most famous tricks on this planet this week, Kate Bosworth is in a bikini – Drunken Stepfather

These LOVE Advent videos are never ever going to stop coming – The Nip Slip

Our reigning Queen of THOTs posed in her chonies again, because the world will stop turning if she doesn’t – Popoholic

And just like that, Charlie Sheen has ordered ALL the Alexas – Hollywood Tuna

My brain would shart up a thousand WTFs over what Sofia Vergara is wearing but it’s too busy sharting up a thousand WTFs over Joe ManJello wearing a shirt in Bora Bora – Popsugar

Ashley Greene announced her engagement with a cheesy video that’s more embarrassing than TwilightIDLYITW

GARGOYLES! SLYCICS! DOARK-SIDED! Azealia Banks is getting attention today for Snapchatting a video of her showing off the bruja closet where she has allegedly sacrificed chickens. Well, if she’s a renter, there goes her deposit – Just Jared

Pic: Getty

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Afternoon Crumbs

December 29, 2016 / Posted by:

Serena Williams got engaged to Reddit co-founder, Alexis Ohanian, and she announced it with a poem on Reddit. At the top of the list of random things have happened this year is the Queen of Tennis being so damn dickmatized by the co-founder of Reddit that she wrote a poem about their engagement. And don’t worry about Drake, he’s probably drying his sad tears on JLo’s nalgas as I type this  – Jezebel

Sorry, Scott Eastwood, but your application for Pussy Posse membership is incomplete without pictures and stats of all the new models you’re going to bring into the crew – Lainey Gossip

Brad Pitt had a “cordial” Christmas hang out with his children. The use of the word “cordial” makes it sound like everyone was quiet and after Brad handed gifts over to his kids, they threw him a look that said, “The gift receipt better be in here because I’m returning it.” Sounds just like past Christmases with my dad! – Celebitchy

My guess is that  Chanel West Coast is on her way to mass in that ensemble. Because that outfit is so demure that it’s fit for God – Drunken Stepfather

Charlie Sheen wants 2016 to take Donald Trump next. Charlie better watch it or he’s going to end up at the top of Trump’s deportation list. Hey, Charlie is part Spanish and that’s practically Mexican to Trump! – The Superficial

Peter Thomas of the Real Housewives of Atlanta wants everyone to think that Bravo is giving him a spin-off show. Bravo will be dead to me if they give Papa Smurf a spin-off show before they give one to Mama JoyceReality Tea 

Emily RideAJetSki gave eyeglass fetishists a little gift for the holidays – Popoholic

Here’s Stella Maxwell, Kristen Stewart’s new full-time fuck partner, doing her day job – Hollywood Tuna

I need to slap my eyeballs several times for mistaking a Kartrashian hanger-on for Alexis Arquette – WWTDD

George Michael’s partner put out an unreleased song of his – OMG Blog

T.I. and Tiny are that melodramatic couple who file for divorce one minute, and get back together the next – HipHopDX

Ellen Pompeo and Chris Ivery’s holiday has been filled with newborn wails and baby drool, because they’re parents again – Popsugar

The !!!OUTRAGE!!! machine really went into overdrive over Steve Martin’s tweet about Carrie FisherJust Jared

Pic: Instagram

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