Category: Afternoon Crumbs

Afternoon Crumbs

January 15, 2018 / Posted by:

In case you haven’t heard the story about the alleged drunk driver (and future Fast and Furious stuntman) who hit a center divider and went airborne, crashing into the second floor of a dentist’s office in Santa Ana, CA, here you go. That picture is hard to look at because it’s a visual metaphor on how it feels to get ass fucked by a fat peen when you use spit instead of lube – Pajiba

We’re living in a country where fucking Paddington Bear beat Cookie Lyon at the box office! – Lainey Gossip 

It’s kind of difficult to look at Tom Hiddleston’s untamed hobo beard while Maisie Williams’ disco sailor pants and Eddie Redmayne’s knock-off Paddington coat are attacking my eyes with their ugliness – Celebitchy

Is that a cackle from Tamra Judge I hear? – Reality Tea

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Afternoon Crumbs

January 2, 2018 / Posted by:

Chris Zylka (from The Leftovers) became Parasite Hilton’s latest fiancé when he proposed to her in Aspen with a $2 million diamond ring. Either that “$2 million diamond ring” is really a $2 glass ring from the sale section at Charming Charlie or Parasite upped her boy toy’s allowance so he could buy it. No matter the case, that ring is busted ugly and looks like a giant bedazzled roach. You may say that having a roach engagement ring is fitting for Parasite, but it’s really not. Roaches will be around forever while Parasite’s latest engagement will last about as long as a herp outbreak. And I’m being generous  – Just Jared

Everybody got engaged over New Year’s… Well, everybody except for Jennifer Lopez and Alex Rodriguez. They probably haven’t gotten engaged yet because she’s still working out her wedding finger to make sure it’s strong enough to hold the 45,000 carat diamond ring she’s going to make him buy her – Lainey Gossip

And while I got engaged to several bottles of vodka during the New Year’s holiday, Alexa Ray Joel got engaged to a human man – Celebitchy

Now I know why today’s HSOTD jumped that cop – Boy Culture

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Afternoon Crumbs

December 29, 2017 / Posted by:

After getting arrested for public drunkenness, resisting arrest and allegedly threatening to kill everyone, Luann de Lesseps of The Real Housewives of New York City has announced that she’s going off to rehab to get help. Well, if Luanne is sobering up and planning not to drink anymore, I guess that means she’s off the show. Because it’s nearly impossible to stay sober while partying with Ramona Singer. Even standing next to Ramona causes a trick to get secondhand wasted – Reality Tea 

Taylor Swift’s boyfriend is probably going to spend New Year’s Eve with her, and he’s probably contractually obligated to wear an I Heart T.S. knitted sweater to her party  – Lainey Gossip

Billy Idol might be a kitten killer – Celebitchy

Roseanne praised Trump for being a fighter of pedos and anti-Semites, which makes sense since you know, Trump endorsed an alleged pedo anti-Semite – Towleroad

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Afternoon Crumbs

December 28, 2017 / Posted by:

There’s a story going around that claims Disney is preparing for the Han Solo movie to flop because of the shitty script and Alden Ehrenreich’s terrible acting. Never mind that Chewbacca looks like he knows he committed career suicide by signing up for that intergalactic train wreck, I’m not sure I believe that it’s going to tank. Since when has an actor’s horrible acting kept a Star Wars movie from making hundreds of million of dollars at the box office (see: Hayden Christensen in Attack of the Clones)? – Celebitchy

That black pussy in this Charlie Hunnam video is totally  going to get death threats from his crazed fans for sharing a bed with him – Lainey Gossip 

Kandi Klaus took a break from whipping Todd in her sex dungeon to gift six families in need with Christmas presents this year – Reality Tea 

I didn’t know that what I needed in my life was a fucked-up black comedy where Nicolas Cage and Selma Blair play crazy parents who want to kill their kids, but I do – Pajiba

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Afternoon Crumbs

December 27, 2017 / Posted by:

Christmas with my favorite Jew! @jennyslate

A post shared by Scott Evans (@scottevansgram) on

Jenny Slate spent Christmas with her on-and-off-again piece Chris Evans and the proof was her showing up in an Instagram picture with his brother Scott Evans. Yes, Jenny and Chris are a mess and finding all kinds of ways to say “we’re fucking again” without coming out and saying “we’re fucking again,” but I hope they stay together forever, because I can’t stomach another post-break-up interview where she drools out a stream of cheese about what a perfect human Chris Evans is. I’m lactose intolerant when it comes to the cheese Jenny Slate spews out about Chris Evans  – Celebitchy

ROUGH has a new visual definition and it’s these pictures of Ben Affleck and Lindsay Shookus leaving Nobu together – Lainey Gossip

If you love wasting money and have been looking for a pair of hideous Chewbacca sandals that are made by a crazy mess, Kelly Bensimon has the perfect thing for you – Reality Tea

Lewis Hamilton burped up an empty apology after he got shit for publicly shaming his nephew for wearing a princess dress. Douche used a lot of words to basically say: PLEASE DON’T DROP ME, SPONSORS! – Towleroad

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Afternoon Crumbs

December 22, 2017 / Posted by:

InTouch Weekly says that Robert Pattinson and Emma Watson are doing it (possible couple name: Son²). I won’t believe it until I hear about how his crazed fans held a virtual bonfire where they all deleted their digital copies of Beauty and the Beast and the Harry Potter movies he’s not in as a protest against that home wrecking harlot Emma Watson for stealing their man. I say “virtual bonfire,” because I’m pretty sure they don’t leave the house – Celebitchy

In case you need something to talk about with your 12-year-old niece at your family Christmas party, here’s an update on Brooklyn Beckham and Chloe Grace MoretzLainey Gossip

How confident of Kenya Moore to think that her marriage is going to last that long – Reality Tea

I always forget that Sam Smith is just 25 (sure, he’s technically a sad old British widow in the body of a 25 year old, but he’s still 25), so I guess it was a big deal for him to go Instagram official with his American actor boyfriend. Millennials! – Towleroad

Lucy Pinder still exists – Drunken Stepfather

What in Candy Land hooker HELL is Britney Spears wearing? – Hollywood Tuna 

Elizabeth Vargas is leaving ABC News after 21 years. I was going to say that I hope that NBC News picks her up and replaces Megyn Kelly with her, but Elizabeth Vargas is a recovering alcoholic and I don’t know if it’s a good idea for her to inhale the clouds of chardonnay vapor blowing out of Kathie Lee Gifford’s dressing room – Just Jared

I’ll bet my weekend weed supply that the Roseanne writers will bring on some Becky-on-Becky action by making the Beckys hook up – Pajiba

Pics: Wenn.com

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