Jamie Dornan of 50 Shades of Utterly Boring Misrepresentation of BDSM fame is currently shilling the last chapter in the 50 Shades film franchise. Hence, he needs to come up with slightly salacious stories to go with his Christian Gray role. Either that or he knew this ridiculous one would go well with the Graham Norton brand. E! reports on Jamie’s appearance on the British talk show in which he revealed that he once glued wig hair to his junk to make girls think he was grown. We’ve all been there, Jamie! (Ok, no, we haven’t. But at least you grew up pretty, you big geek.)
Jamie says that he looked about “seven” when he was 15 and appearing in an amateur production of The Cherry Orchard. They made him wear a ridiculous wig which he got a lot of use out of when it came to trying to get laid at a cast party.
“I might meet a girl and maybe she drops a hand, so I had the idea to maybe cut off some extra hair,” he said. “So I went into the dressing room, I went into like the toilet, and cut off this like very curly jet-black hair.”
He said he used UHU glue to stick the hair to his crotch area.
“I remember standing in front of the mirror going, ‘That looks alright,'” Dornan said. “Just the lengths you go to.”
This story is rad mainly because I learned the Irish slang for finger-blasting. Thank you, Jamie. You know Jamie’s co-guest Helen Mirren is going to use that one in the future.
For someone who once sported hair that looked like you could purchase it for 99 cents at the Big Y, Justin Timberlake has a lot of opinions on what people should do with their lives. Case in point – his views on recording artists doing those Las Vegas residencies. You know, when a pop star sets up shop at a casino for a couple of years and rakes in the chips?
During an interview with Zane Lowe on Beats 1 Radio this week (via E!), Justin was asked if he’d ever do one. While looking like an enterprising journalist posing as a homeless person for a story, his ass lied and said no just like his ass lied when he said he and Janet Jackson are cool now. Miss Janet if you a goddamn liar!
Self-appointed mayor of Zero Fucksville, Kathy Griffin, appears to still be in crisis ever since that pic of her holding a bloody Trump mask backfired on her. Kathy has since taken back her apology for the pic, but claims to still be experiencing fallout. Yesterday, Kathy tweeted that she wasn’t welcome to hang with Team Pussy Grabs Back at the Women’s March.
Ewan McGregor has unsurprisingly filed for divorce from his wife of 22 years, Eve Mavrakis, according to TMZ. Ewan and Eve have been publicly estranged since October, but he fast-tracked the demise of his marriage by getting papped kissing and holding hands with his Fargo co-star Mary Elizabeth Winstead. This might have irked wifey, because Ewan wants to share the kids and Eve wants to keep it at visitation (“without your whore present because I don’t want the children exposed to your sluttery!“). The filing probably doesn’t say that, but imagine if you could express yourself like that in court documents? Continue reading
Vanity Fair reports that Scarlett Johansson wants to snatch back James Franco’s #TimesUp lapel pin due to his perceived hypocrisy when it comes women and sexual harassment. Look, she’s only worked with Woody Allen twice and it was before 2014 so you can stop sending her loan applications for that glass house, you catty kitties! Or not, she DID sort of refer to bad touching the underaged as “a lifestyle.“ Yikes. Continue reading
Nowadays, when kids want to feel like real badasses and ingest some bad ass shit, they probably buy an 8 ball from their friend with their lunch money (or snort the innards of a Tide Pod). But back in the 80s and 90s, us kids had real bad ass shit to ingest, shit that was way more bad ass than 8 balls and Tide Pods. Like Punky’s Candy!
Up until a few weeks ago, I had no idea that Punky’s Candy was a thing that doesn’t exist anymore. The Willy Wonka Candy Company started selling Punky’s Candy (which had nothing to do with Punky Brewster) sometime in the 80s, and by the mid-90s they were discontinued because nobody was buying them. They were basically like pill-shaped Smarties. They were sweet and sour and had little flavor crystals embedded in them. They came in flavors like cherry, orange, watermelon and fruit punch.
Yes, Willa Wonka was appropriating the punk culture with Punky’s, but they were so punk that they didn’t care. I bet after Charlie took over the company, he listened to 10 seconds of a Ramones song in the 80s, thought he was all punk and channeled his angst into his art and created Punky’s! That’s totally what happened.