Birthday Sluts

March 25, 2017 / Posted by:

Aretha Franklin (75)
Aly Michalka (28)
Ryan Lewis (29)
Big Sean (29)
Jason Castro (30)
Katharine McPhee (33)
Sean Faris (35)
Danica Patrick (35)
Jenny Slate (35)
Lee Pace (38)
Édgar Ramírez (40)
Wladimir Klitschko (41)
Melanie Blatt of All Saints (42)
Juvenile (42)
Lark Voorhies (43)
Cathy Dennis (48)
Sarah Jessica Parker (52)
Shannon Beador (53)
Lisa Gay Hamilton (53)
Mike Henry (53)
Marcia Cross (55)
Brenda Strong (57)
Amy Pascal (59)
Daniel Boulud (62)
Bonnie Bedelia (69)
Elton John (70)
Paul Michael Glaser (74)
Anita Bryant (77)
Gloria Steinem (83)
Gene Shalit (91)

Pic: Getty

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Night Crumbs

March 24, 2017 / Posted by:

Tom Hardy’s dog Woody visited him on the set of Peaky Blinders and easily stole the show. And apologies if you’re a dick-obsessed trick like me and read that first sentence as “Tom Hardy’s woody” before looking at the picture. I didn’t mean to give you a case of blue balls on a Friday – Lainey Gossip 

Paging Courtney Stodden! Round up your lawyers because Bella Thorne is stealing your act – Drunken Stepfather

Sienna Miller doesn’t really give a fuck that we all called her the Queen of Home Wrecking – Celebitchy

But can Teen Mom Jenelle even read? – Reality Tea

Thanks to their cartoon lips and cartoon asses, the Kartrashians are already cartoon characters – The Superficial

David D’Amato (aka Jane O’Brien and Terri Tickle), the focus of the interesting-as-hell documentary Tickled, has died – Towleroad

Elizabeth Banks looks like she snatched her outfit out of Lisa Vanderpump’s closet – Popoholic

Artie Lange may or may not have been fired from HBO’s CrashingPajiba

Excuse me while I recreate Kara Del Toro’s outfit and pose for a future Grindr profile pic – Hollywood Tuna 

Iggy Azalea’s new song is the reason why mute exists – IDLYITW

Stephanie Tanner should stop fighting it and go back to her true soulmate, Harry Takayama! – Just Jared

We really don’t need yet another TV thing about the murder of JonBenet Ramsey, but I’m still all about this Netflix docuseries – Boy Culture

Pic: Wenn.com

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Nick Loeb Thought It Was “Classless” For Sofia Vergara To Speak Spanish Around Him 

March 24, 2017 / Posted by:

The dumb battle between Sofia Vergara and her chunky skid mark of an ex, Nick Loeb, is still going on. Nick is suing Sofia for the right to implant their frozen embryos (that were made when they were together) into a leased baby oven. Sofia wants the embryos to stay frozen. Nick’s lawsuit was originally filed in California, but last year he re-filed it in Louisiana and probably because it’s an “embryo safe haven” and he has a better chance at winning there. The Daily Beast says that the Onion Crunch mogul filed more papers in court. These latest papers are supposed to show what the problems in their relationship were. They also show what an ass he is.

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Goop Has Some Advice For Doing Anal

March 24, 2017 / Posted by:

You laugh, but let’s face it: I can’t think of a better person to discuss the ins and outs of anal than someone who appears to permanently have a stick up their ass. Goop’s second annual Sex Issue was released today. Gwyneth Paltrow must have been listening when everyone read last year’s issue and muttered “I’ll tell you where you can stick that $15,000 dildo“, because this year she’s talking anal, the hetero kind.

Goop interviewed a psychoanalyst named Paul Joannides for a piece called Reality Check: Anal Sex, the purpose of which is to educate about anal. Here are just a few of Goop’s tips:

– Practice teaching your sphincter muscles to relax
– Use lots of lube
– Don’t have anal while drunk or stoned
– If the dick hurts, use a lubed-up finger

Good luck with Step #1, Gwyneth. The second Tracy Anderson hears that one of your muscle groups have gone soft, she’s going to throw a fit.

Goop also asks Paul about enemas and what people should be teaching their kids about anal. He says there are more-important conversations to have, like talking about masturbation and exploring while learning. As for the enema thing, Paul is on the fence and says it’s an either/or situation. Tsk tsk tsk Paul, that is NOT the answer Gwyneth wants to hear. You’re supposed to say yes, everyone should pregame with an enema. Specifically Gwyneth’s personal favorite, a $130 Danish-made ecologically sustainable rubber enema bulb and $98 bottle of organic Hawaiian onyx salt solution.

Pic: Splash

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