On Tuesday, Forbes released their annual list of the highest-paid actresses in Hollywood and Jennifer Lawrence was on top for the second year in a row. JLaw reportedly made $46 million in movie deals and endorsements. Forbes released the list of the world’s highest-paid actors today, and joining JLaw on the top of the “I’m Getting Paid, Bitches!” pile is Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. When The Rock isn’t starting maybe-fake fights with his co-stars on Instagram, he’s getting richer and richer. $18.5 million richer than JLaw in fact.
We found out yesterday that Jennifer Lopez had recently packed a duffel bag with Casper Smart’s things and once again told him his boy toy services were no longer needed. Sources claimed there was no drama to their breakup; simply that JLo and Casper’s relationship had come to a “natural end.” It was only a matter of time before we discovered what Casper did to mess up his kept man status, and it turns out it involved ditching JLo in the Hamptons for a UFC fight in Las Vegas.
The Amber Heard v. Johnny Depp divorce war finally came to an end over a week ago when they agreed on a $7 million settlement and she agreed to drop the domestic abuse case against him. As President Heather Mills walked toward Amber Heard to pin a gold shovel on her lapel and welcome her into The League of Extraordinary Gold Diggers, she let Elin know to turn around and walk the other way. Amber announced that she’s donating all $7 million of her settlement to charity. Amber said in a statement that she will give half to the ACLU (specifically to help victims of domestic violence) and the other half to the Children’s Hospital of Los Angeles. Johnny could’ve just sent that mountain of money to Amber and let her give the money to charity, but that would be too easy. Captain Halitosis McBracelets WILL have the last word.
I would not want to be a lamp or a dinner plate or a relative in Hope Solo’s house today. The possibility that this recent news has caused her to go all “Hope SMASH!” on the nearest breakable is pretty high. The New York Times says that Hope has been suspended for six months for the tantrum she threw in Rio after Team USA was eliminated from the Olympics by Team Sweden. Hope referred to Team Sweden as “a bunch of cowards.” U.S. Soccer didn’t think that was very sportsmanlike of her, and they’ve put her ass on the bench for six months as punishment.
Farrah Abraham sold Ronco the rights to her original anal hole mold. – Dingle Berry
Upvote winners (it’s a 3-way!):
Whatever it is, we know Nicolas Cage wants to buy it. – G-ball
Nothing to see here, guys. Julia Roberts just had to have a tooth extracted. – janice
Man. How’d they ever get Britney to finally spit out her gum? – Texndoc
Pic: The Guardian
Mayor Duke of Cormorant, Minnesota!
Mayor Duke was Hot Slut of the Day back in 2014, but I am re-electing him, because as America’s only trustworthy politician, he deserves it! The now 9-year-old Great Pyrenees destroyed his only opponent, a human store owner, 2 years ago when most of the 12 write-in votes cast went to him. Mayor Duke spent his first term sleeping, drooling, farting, sleeping, eating, begging and sleeping, and that’s much more than most human politicians do, so the people of Cormorant voted him into a second term in 2015! And on Saturday, Mayor Duke made history when he was re-elected for a third term in a historical landslide election. Mayor Duke didn’t even have to campaign. He didn’t have to hand out “#ImWithFur” or “Make America Bark Again” t-shirts or suck a bunch of ass. (Sure, he sniffed and licked ass, but he didn’t do it for votes. He did it because he wanted to.)