Night Crumbs

January 23, 2017 / Posted by:

Kristen Stewart is hosting Saturday Night Live and I’m already laugh-cringing since “Kristen Stewart hosting SNL” sounds like an SNL skit in itself – Lainey Gossip

Tom Hardy says that he and Charlize Theron don’t need to bury the hatchet, to which hos are probably screaming, “Okay, but you can bury something else in me.” – Celebitchy

There’s another lucky human on this planet who gets to call La Toya Jackson his great auntie – Reality Tea 

Never mind Suki Waterhouse’s nipples, why is she wearing a prairie prom dress made out of nursery curtains and crib skirts? – (NSFW) Drunken Stepfather

Another day, another set of pictures of Coco proving that she’s our modern-day Aphrodite – The Superficial

Julianne Hough went to the gym again – Popoholic

FYI: Madonna isn’t going to blow up the White House – Towleroad

Pimp Mama Kris must be so disappointed and embarrassed. One of her girls hit the stroll in a see-through top that totally covered her nipples. The shame that Kendall Jenner has brought upon the koven! – Hollywood Tuna

Ugh, why can’t you be more like Bella Hadid? I’m so ashamed” is what Pimp Mama Kris probably said to Kendall Jenner after seeing these pics – The Nip Slip 

Tom Daley had Snapchat sex with a fan while “on a break” from his fiance, but this is a sad excuse for a Snapchat sex session because there’s no visible peen – OMG Blog

The director of Suicide Squad thinks that it needed more Joker, much more Joker. And with that, Jared Leto’s ego probably grew another 9 inches – IDLYITW

Taylor Swift hates women – Pajiba

And in TWITTER RUINS LIVES news, a writer for Saturday Night Live may lose her job for a tweet about 10-year-old Barron Trump – Just Jared

Amy Poehler has a new piece – Popsugar

Stephen Colbert is hosting the Emmys – SOW

Pic: Splash

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Laura Prepon Is Knocked Up With Ben Foster’s Baby

January 23, 2017 / Posted by:

That unsettling sound you hear is the sound of David Miscavige and the other head crazies of Scientology squealing with greedy happiness over the fact that they’ll soon have a new member who will have to pay thousands upon thousands of dollars to climb up that bridge. Laura Prepon’s unborn baby better find a way to leak stories about her pregnancy to the tabloids for a check, because kid’s gonna need coins for those OT courses.

In October, 36-year-old Laura Prepon let the world know that she’s engaged to Robin Wright’s 36-year-old ex-piece Ben Foster by flashing her engagement ring in an oh-so-subtle way at the premiere of The Girl on the Train. And now People has confirmed through a source (please let that source be Laura’s unborn baby since again, kids need that cheese) that living in her womb is both her and Beefy Ben’s first child. Laura and Ben were at an event at Sundance Film Festival last night and a witness says that she did something only pregnant women do. She finished all her food. GASP!!!

“Ben seemed really protective and kept very close to Laura the entire night. He was holding on to her arm as they walked in and kept by her side during the dinner. Neither of them got up much to mingle. They definitely enjoyed dinner. I noticed she finished her plate.”

Yup, that means she’s either been bitten by a wolf and is now a werewolf, or she’s got a growing human in her body.

Well, I hope that Laura and Ben’s baby gets her completely natural immaculate Sharpie brows. That will almost make up for the kid having to walk on their knees at every Scientology event that Tom Cruise is at since nobody is allowed to be taller than Prince Tommy Girl!

Pic: Wenn.com

Open Post: Hosted By The Trailer For Lifetime’s Britney Spears Movie

January 23, 2017 / Posted by:

Lifetime has pooted out the teaser trailer for their next highly-anticipated (by me and probably only me) crusty turd of a cinematic masterpiece, and as expected, it looks like it’s going to be a zero-budget disaster that’s about as artistic as Adnan Ghalib’s pube strip. Lifetime really never lets you down.

In the 30-second trailer for the shit-named Britney Ever After, Britney (played by Natasha Bassett) shaves her head, attacks a pack of paps with an umbrella and marries a basic cable Kevin Federline. (I don’t know why they didn’t try to get the real KFed, because he would’ve done it for a $5 gift certificate to Blimpie.) Natasha’s accent is missing a ton of chicken fried twang and I’ve already spotted some inaccurate shit in this 30-second trailer, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

That looks like a tiny step above two kids recreating Brit Brit’s life story in their garage using a busted off-brand Skipper doll from the 99 Cent Store and a not-so-gently-used Justin Timberlake doll bought from a garage sale. With that said, February 18th will be my Christmas. (And I just dissed myself since on any given Saturday night you can find me recreating Brit Brit’s life story using a busted off-brand Skipper doll from the 99 Cent Store and a not-so-gently-used Justin Timberlake doll bought from a garage sale.)

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Chris Brown Is Mad That Aziz Ansari Made Fun Of Him On “SNL”

January 23, 2017 / Posted by:

Aziz Ansari hosted Saturday Night Live this weekend and his monologue was just him doing stand-up. And since his episode happened the day after the inauguration, his jokes were mostly about Trump. Aziz probably expected his monologue would trigger a Twitter tantrump. Instead, the person who slapped at him the next morning was Chris Brown. Sorry, I really should have specified that it was a verbal slapping. It is Chris Brown we’re talking about, after all.

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Why The Cherubs Cry Today: Iggy Azalea And French Montana Probably Broke Up

January 23, 2017 / Posted by:

Real love IS a trick risking his life by putting his head on Iggy Azalea’s DuPont factory of an ass. Because if she blew out a fart onto his face, he would’ve died of toxic plastic fume inhalation a few seconds later.

French Montana, rapper-type and survivor of the Kartrashian Man Kurse, and Iggy Azalea, alleged rapper turned (insert the name of whatever the hell she does now), got together last August. During Friggy’s reign as the definition of true love’s favorite couple, he went to Jared seven times for her and they partook in some couples animal cruelty by posing with a poor circus elephant at his birthday party. Since both French and Iggy are certified attention whores, I figured that they would eventually get married in a televised wedding on the season finale of their E! reality show. But sadly, it looks like their love has died like that poor elephant’s sense of dignity when it was forced to perform for those two dildo dingles.

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Keke Palmer Says Trey Songz Used “Sexual Intimidation” To Get Her To Appear In A Music Video

January 23, 2017 / Posted by:

Keke Palmer, star of Scream Queens and hoochie wear legend in the making, is currently very pissed off at Trey Songz. Keke has accused Trey Songz of getting her drunk and using “sexual intimidation” to get her to appear in a music video. Because Keke is a famous person under the age of 30, she spilled the details of their drama on Instagram.

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