I swear, Donald Trump better have instructed his lawyers to shred his prenup with Melania Trump, because she once again had to take time out from her busy day of shopping for diamonds and injecting panther sperm into her face (Botox is for poor peasants) to repeat a bunch of pre-written words while defending him in an interview. It’s truly hard out there for a Slovenian trophy wife.
Melania was gracious enough to invite Anderson Cooper into her gold palace of tastefulness to defend her deep fried warthog nutsack of a husband against that “pussy grabbing” tape.
It’s been reported that Billy Bush has officially broken up with the Peacock and that both he and NBC agreed on a settlement number today. As Billy was doing that, Melania was blaming him in a CNN interview with the Silver Fox. She has obviously taken Detective La Toya’s online class on How To Get To The Bottom Of Everything, because Detective Melania believes that her husband didn’t even know his mic was on. You don’t say? Detective Melania also believes that shifty, little brat Billy Bush manipulated her sweet, innocent 59-year-old husband into bragging about sexually assaulting women. Melania may be on to something, because as far as I know, Trump has never ever said some seriously fucked-up shit before.
Silver Fox: It was 10 days ago that Access Hollywood released that tape. I’m wondering when you first saw it, when you first heard it, what did you think?
Melania: I said to my husband that you know the language was unappropriate. It’s not acceptable and I was surprised, because that is not the man that I know. And as you can see from the tape, the cameras were not on. It was only a mic. And I wonder if they even knew that the mic was on. Because they were kind of, uh, boy talk. And he was lead on. Like egg on from the host to say dirty and bad stuff
Silver Fox: You feel the host, Billy Bush, was sort of egging him on?
Melania: Yes. Yes.
Silver Fox: Is that language you had heard him use before?
Melania: No, no that’s why I was surprised. Because I said like I don’t know that person that would talk that way. And that he would say that kind of stuff in private. I’ve heard many different stuff, boys talk. I – the boys, the way they talk when they grow up and they want to sometimes show each other ‘oh this and that’ and talking about the girls and, but I was surprised, of course.
So, what Melania is trying to say is that Donald Trump, who could be our next president, was outsmarted by Billy Fucking Bush. That’s like saying that he was outsmarted by a dashboard bobblehead doll. No offense to dashboard bobblehead dolls.
Hmm…I’ve been thinking about this for a while, but now I’m really starting to believe that Melania is secretly trying to sabotage her husband’s campaign, because she so doesn’t want to move into the White House. The opulent building where Melania lives now has a Gucci store downstairs. Does the White House have a Gucci store in it? I think not. Downgrade.