Sad news for douchebags and assholes everywhere, as it appears the fairytale romance between their king, Chris Brown, and his professional pretty girlfriend Karrueche Tran has come to an end. Wow, such sad, much could give a shit. Actually, that’s not true – I can give a shit, because it’s getting super messy, and any kind of messy relationship drama makes my heart grown three sizes too big, like The Grinch. Especially messy relationship drama where the side piece turns out to be the soft-spoken Canadian snuggle prince Drake!
TMZ says that it all started on Friday night when Chris announced he was single during Power 106’s annual Christmas concert. Chris asked how many single ladies there were in the audience before saying “Well, I’m single too! Fuck that bitch” (cut to all the single ladies running for the nearest exit). He then followed that up by posting a picture of himself cozied up to Satan’s Skanks (aka Khloe Kardashian, Kendull Jenner, and the other one) to Instagram.
But because screaming “Fuck that bitch” to a crowd of people at a concert isn’t nearly Chris Brown-y enough, the perpetually infected hangnail decided to accuse Karrueche of cheating on him while he was in jail with Drake and hissing at her for having threesomes. Oh boy, this just got Maury levels of messy.
There’s something about the term “dates with Drake” that is just so funny to me. Maybe because it sounds like a webseries hosted by Drake where he takes you out for dinner before walking you to your front door and politely thanking you for a lovely evening.
Of course, Karrueche responded to Chris’ accusations with a few of her own:
It’s not really clear what she means by “mistreated”, but it’s Chris Brown we’re talking about, so it’s probably safe to assume he was treating her like all kinds of crap. Then again, Karrueche knew what she was getting in to when she first hooked up with that living breathing ball rash, so my sympathy levels are currently hovering somewhere around the 14% mark.
And if Chris was so sure Karrueche was going on “dates” with Drake, he should have asked to smell her mouth. If it smelled like ass and/or the seats at the Air Canada Centre, then you’ve got your answer.
(Screenshots via ONTD)