Usher Wants To Assure You That Justin Bieber Isn’t A Racist

June 7, 2014 / Posted by:

After attempting for days to compose a statement that was more eloquent than just “Fuck fuck fuck, I messed up, I should never have released that rotten butt nugget into society”, Usher has finally released a statement regarding those videos of his 15-year-old protege Justin Bieber proudly burping out the n-word and gleefully singing about joining the KKK. “That’s my lil’ million-dollar mistake!”Pattie Mallette.

Earlier today, Usher posted this picture of himself and a swaggy spoiled pre-teen Cabbage Patch Doll to Instagram along with the following message:

“At my core, I am a person that supports growth and understands without judgement, that growth often comes as a result of pain and continues effort. As I have watched Justin Bieber navigate difficult waters as a young man, I can tell you that he hasn’t always chosen the path of his greatest potential, but he is unequivocally not a racist. What he was 5 years ago was a naive child who did not understand the negative power and degradation that comes from playing with racial slurs. What he is now is a young man faced with an opportunity to become his best self, an example to the millions of kids that follow him to not make the same mistakes.”

I love the subtle shade of that last line. It’s basically a wordy way of saying: “If you don’t stop acting like a little shit, I’ll take away your Razor Scooter and change the wifi password.” Unfortunately for Usher, his infected scrotum piercing of a protege is going to keep fucking up, and unless he’s able to build a time machine and go back to 1994, find the stained couch in a basement in Stratford, Ontario where two teenage dummies are dry humping to “Informer”, and prevent Jeremy’s deadbeat sperm from lazily making its way to Pattie’s Grade F egg, he’s going to have to keep writing apologies.

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