When St. Angie Appears, The Brangeloonies Have A Meltdown

June 2, 2013 / Posted by:

At tonight’s London premiere of World War Z (aka the movie that was supposed to come out approximately 45 years ago), St. Angie Jolie made her first red carpet appearance since announcing in an op-ed piece for The New York Times that she underwent a double mastectomy. The Brangeloonies came out hard and some of them held up signs that read, “You Are Our Hero!” A group of stoned beach hobos also held up signs for Brad Pitt that read, “You Are Our Hero,” because if Brad, who looks like he’s been marinating in a dumpster for 4 days, can make millions of dollars per movie, maybe they can too one day. But back to the Brangeloonies….

Here’s my favorite picture from tonight’s premiere:

Never mind that I want to eat lo mein with St. Angie’s arms, her fan is letting out that raw emotion and crying the same way my abuelita cried when she touched the analog TV screen while watching Pope John Paul’s inauguration. Jesus is somewhere in heaven feeling inadequate, because even his disciples didn’t have this reaction when he rose on Easter.

And it’s time for Angie to sneak up behind Brad with a Flowbee in her hands, because his hair has gone full Aniston.

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