These Two Broke Up
As soon as the members of the world's #2 terrorist group, the Beliebers, figure out a way to crawl out of their cribs, they're going to start burning effigies of Selena Gomez and Barbara Palvin in the playgrounds. Just a quick second after everyone in the elementary school cafeteria started whispering about how Justin Bieber went to see The Lion King with 19-year-old Hungarian model Barbara Pelvicexam, People confirms that Selena Gomez dumped him, because she kind of got tired of being with a dude who can't grow pubes on his own. You probably already heard about this highly important development when your local news broke into Saturday morning cartoons to report this.
A source (aka a gossiping baby) tells People that the very first lesbian queen and queen of the Hollywood prom broke up about a week ago and she's the one who cut off his umbilical cord. The kindergarten set's answer to Ellen & Portia are over:
"She broke up with him about a week ago," a source tells PEOPLE. "With them being apart so much it got complicated. She had some trust issues. It's not easy, but the relationship needed to end."
The actress, 20, and Bieber, 18, officially stepped out as a couple in February 2011 after months of dating quietly.
The crazed Beliebers are melting down on Twitter and the only thing more tragic and sad than a Belieber crying over Justin Bieber's broken Cabbage Patch doll heart is the fact that me, a grown adult who can wipe his own ass (well, depending on how drunk I am), is writing about the break-up of two children. Excuse me while I go do something really adult like comb my She-Ra doll's hair while listening to a One Direction song WITHOUT parental supervision.
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This makes me sick. I am home with the flu and cranky as hell bc I can't eat or smell or breathe, and I'm watching CNN with Andrea Mitchell, who's covering the Petraeus resignation/affair scandal. The ticker rolls by, saying this two butt dingles broke up. REALLY??? On CNN? Don't we have more important things to worry about, like war, famine, suffering, hurricane recovery?? Just heard about an elderly woman who lives on the 17th floor of an apt building, and she has to walk up and down all those stairs with a bucket of water bc she has no running water in her apt yet. But omg, these two broke up?? Call CNN. fuck my life.
Submitted by salacious on Sat, 11/10/2012 - 9:53pm.
Well, she and Demi Lovato have finally something to bond over.
I am pretty sure they've bonded over other things, sniff sniff. Selena has already been hospitalized for "exhaustion". Do not believe her good girl image for one second. She counts Demi and Miley has her closest friends....the company you keep...
And with that it looks like lil Selena tore Bieber's lil playhouse down. Poo lil thing can now climb out of his dollhouse closet.
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I have to laugh to keep from crying.
These two babies are ridiculous. I laughed at the Daily Mail saying he's milking it by singing the "Justin Timberlake break-up song 'Cry Me A River' a cappella" and she's walking around looking like a fetus in oversized Jackie-O sunglasses.
I've never used twitter before but after reading some of the posts I couldn't stop myself
my very first tweet!
"OMG there are pics of him making out with some girl!!!!!!! No wonder she dumped him, he's a SLUT #RIPJelena"
I wonder if anyone will reply :D
Maybe now she can get herself a real man...one with hair on his privates & everything!
Guess she couldn't trust him to leave her barbie collection alone while she was away.
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I like to smile, smiling's my favorite! : )
The poster formerly known as SnowOwl, formerly known as Nightowl!
Is Justin taller than 5'3"?
ROFLMAO. Thanks MK.
After all we have been through in NY, and YOU missed it, this made me laugh.
Thanks.
Is Justin even old enough to have hair on his balls yet?
Searched everywhere, but couldn't find a single fuck to give.
Madonna col bambino.
uh oh... justin better not have cheated on selena, cuz she will call her chola cousins and they will cut justin's wiener off.
oh gee i would have thought these two would have survived in hollywood, after going through all those hurdles to be together including:
1. selena getting pregnant and having an abortion (blind item) but faked an exhaustion instead..remember that?
2. justin fucking a 30 year old belieber named mariah and after 30 seconds of wonder, nutted in her and she got the baby now. but she has gone away.
but selena probably got sick of tasting usher's dick and jizz when she kisses justin.
lmao & this is news? They are barely more grown up than Honey Boo Boo. Never found the girl to be particularly pretty, just kinda cute round face kid. Justin was too pretty for her lol
LOVE Selena. If she wasn't in the biz, I think she'd still be a super sweet girl with a big heart. She's done a lot for UNICEF. She loves her doggie too! Justin will never date anyone that good again.
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www.dungeonhordes.com
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"Awww, isn't that cute? Justin's mommy let him post on the Internet! That's so cute!"
oh that's so clever. if anybody doesn't bash a celebrity then they must actually be that celebrity
I forgot to add that there was a little 7 year old girl who was sitting with my daughter and I, who had terminal cancer. :'( She was there with her best friend, courtesy of the make-a-wish foundation. They got to meet him before the show, and she said he was beautiful and nice, and it was a dream for her to see him. :). <3. My daughter and I were in tears when we saw what a great time that little angel was having. He may not be perfect, but he really does a lot of good for people, especially kids.
And no, I'm not his Mom. LOL
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RIMADYL KILLS
Lezbeaver is controlled by a corporate cartel. Gomez was on the payroll. It's all about image. No one gets close to the golden goose unless there's a good reason for it. Why can't people understand that?? and then look at these celebretards for the media puppet message bearers they really fucking are??? Given the government's K thru 12 educational mandate, it's no wonder that the vast majority cannot think for its collective self.
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"You wait. They gonna get everybody on twitter, facebook, doing everythin' online and then they gonna pull the PLUG and we all gonna be FUCKED!"
I'm sad about this! I liked them together!
My daughter and I just saw him in concert and we were really close. He was adorable. I don't think he's gonna do better than Selena though. All of the golddigger famewhores are going to stalk him now. :( But they are both so young and need to sow some wild oats before settling down, so it's probably better in the long run. And he seems to have the Leonardo DiCaprio syndrome when it comes to supermodels. :(
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RIMADYL KILLS
Submitted by EveryStrangersEyes on Sun, 11/11/2012 - 12:40am.
Submitted by Foxxy Brown on Sun, 11/11/2012 - 12:36am.
is "lube steward" a job?
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
Submitted by Foxxy Brown on Sun, 11/11/2012 - 12:36am.
i think Efron would be happier with Bieber and Wahlberg... maybe they'll let her hold the camera.
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"I could listen to a babbling brook,
and hear a song that I could understand.
I keep wishing it could be that way.
Because my world would be a Wonderland."
Submitted by Zorba-the-Geek on Sat, 11/10/2012 - 10:51pm.
Well if she didn't enjoy it, we know she's not a lesbian.
Submitted by Anita Bidet on Sat, 11/10/2012 - 10:49pm.
Awww, isn't that cute? Justin's mommy let him post on the Internet! That's so cute!
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
Submitted by EveryStrangersEyes on Sun, 11/11/2012 - 12:16am.
Selena -- Efron
Bieber -- Mark Wahlberg
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
Submitted by dementa on Sun, 11/11/2012 - 12:29am.
Susan Sarandon's going after the young-uns these days, right?... that would be classic!... HA!
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"I could listen to a babbling brook,
and hear a song that I could understand.
I keep wishing it could be that way.
Because my world would be a Wonderland."
I've always thought Selena Gomez was a stunner. It will probably take her five minutes to find another guy. One that has an actual penis.
Submitted by EveryStrangersEyes on Sun, 11/11/2012 - 12:16am.
I bet he gets paired with a super-feminine model, in a futile attempt to make him look like a heterosexual male.
Her, I bet she dates a reality "star" next.
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
so, who's Mickey Mouse going to set each of them up with for their next lucrative pairings?
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"I could listen to a babbling brook,
and hear a song that I could understand.
I keep wishing it could be that way.
Because my world would be a Wonderland."
@Zorba-the-Geek, I didn't used to get the gay vibes when he was younger but now that he's grown up and still works to look super, super pretty at every moment I am starting to get them
Wasn't there a blind that he called her fat a few months ago and that her excess weight was embarrassing him and he would leave her? She probably got tired of doing him a favor by bearding while still being insulted by him.
@ Zorba-the-Geek "He looks like one of those annoying fucks who are horny all the time and want to have 3-minute sex about 3-4 times a day"
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yep, he looks like 3 minute sex, but not like 3 - 4 times a day...
"Submitted by Anita Bidet on Sat, 11/10/2012 - 10:49pm.
"Can we please fast foward five years where no one knows who these two whores are anymore?"
and no one will ever know who you are. whore
"
Justin? Is that you?
Iduno what it is about her, but I think she's flippin adorable and love her. Hate Justin. She can do much better, she's the cutest f'n thing in Hollywood, and don't even know what she's known for!
Um, I actually never got any gay vibes from the Bieber. He looks like one of those annoying fucks who are horny all the time and want to have 3-minute sex about 3-4 times a day. Had a boyfriend like that in college, so I know one when I see one. Whether or not this relationship was "real", I still think they fucked, she just didn't enjoy it.
"Can we please fast foward five years where no one knows who these two whores are anymore?"
and no one will ever know who you are. whore
"The Disney Marketing Machine will not be denied."
first of all bieber is not part of disney. second it's to his advantage to be single for his female fans. and yes i saw plenty of chemistry between the two of them early on
Aww poor Selena, at last she got her shit together and realized that the little lezzie was using her for positive PR. Well, she and Demi Lovato have finally something to bond over.
So "Hectic schedules" is the new "found out boyfriend was hitting on a bunch of underwear models". Got it.
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Shiitake happens...
Submitted by christine the hoff on Sat, 11/10/2012 - 6:59pm.
She got sick of bearding him and decided to get laid. end of story.
I see we have the same thought!
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My guess is that Selena needs a fuck buddy and not someone to do her nails with and have sleepovers.
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So much Drama right now!
These two broke up? I guess one of them got tired of bumping vsginas together...
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"The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it." --
Roseanne Barr
Submitted by didimao on Sat, 11/10/2012 - 7:50pm.
Don't say shit like that out loud. It might give him ideas. *shudders
Submitted by christine the hoff on Sat, 11/10/2012 - 7:20pm.
where y'all been?
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/05/09/justin-bieber-a-brat-csi_n_8592...
http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/mark-wahlberg-justin-bieber-movie-...
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
Don't say shit like that out loud. It might give him ideas. *shudders
Submitted by christine the hoff on Sat, 11/10/2012 - 7:20pm.
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What in the praying mantis crackhooker hell is this?! - MK 9/09
"These two had no chemistry."
? To me, this says the poster realizes it's a fake relationship.
Submitted by Anonymouse73
poople> Where are you getting that dlisters think these 2 were an actual item? The comments lead me to believe otherwise.
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I don't want to point out particular individuals and lash out at naivety if they are not Irish Fury, but a number of comments are here ...it's about time she came to her senses... ..These two had no chemistry... seem to indicate that people didn't recognize that publicists/agents/marketing people joined forces to to sell the teen set some Carly Respen CD's vis-a-vis a faked romance twixt these teen starlets.
My biggest fear with this is he's gonna have a "career" ala Justin Timberlake, and we'll have to see him on the tv and movies...
"sudders, moves to Tibet"
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"The stars shone. The gate creaked.The air was fresh."
Submitted by DiamondDogs on Sat, 11/10/2012 - 5:40pm.
True love died today. RIP
I can't stop crying!!!
;)
She got sick of bearding him and decided to get laid. end of story.
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"The stars shone. The gate creaked.The air was fresh."
Selena had trust issues: She trusted he would eventually try to slip it in, but it never happened.
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"What government executive is not having an affair with some guy's wife?" (Slate)