Kristen Stewart Goes To Tokyo, Robert Pattinson Goes To Sydney

And so the month-long Twatlight press tour begins….

Your local Rite-Aid will be fresh out of Vaseline for the next 30 days, because the Twitards will be buying gallons of it so their tonsils and genitals don’t dry up and fall off as they scream and cream themselves non-stop until the Twatlight: Breaking Hymen, Part 2 premiere in Los Angeles next month. To start off the festivities of foolery, Kristen Stewart was sent to Tokyo, because if she wasn’t a professional lip biter, she’d be making armpit fetish videos in Japan. Robert Pattinson was sent to Sydney, because he sort of looks like the human version of a tree-less blonde koala who hasn’t taken a proper shit in months.

RPattz spend his day in Sydney making the Australian Twihards throw up their ovaries out of excitement and he also posed in a photo shoot that looked like an ad campaign for constipation medication marketed exclusively to bridge hobos. And KStew spent her first minutes in Tokyo waving and smiling at the paps. You know something shady is going down when KStew is actually making a smile and using her fingers to wave instead of using her fingers to flip a bitch off. KStew smiling is a good reason to not trust ANYTHING today.