JLo, Kindly Take Five Steps To Your Left
The noun "glamour" and the name "JLo" go together like Skeletor and solid foods, but Glamour Magazine still defied logic by naming her as one of their Women of the Year in some ceremony at Carnegie Hall in NYC last night. They gave her an ugly trophy that looks like a Target logo orgy and asked her to pose with the Claymation goddess who designed the dress she wore last night. WRONG MOVE.
On her own, JLo mugs the camera like the lens is an extra hung Q-tip and she's a Botoxed Siamese cat in heat. But when you put JLo next to the exquisitely crafted Donatella Versace, her face falls into a state of natural demureness. Bitch looks so "made from the earth" next to Donatella. And we all know that natural is out for 2011! So JLo needs to follow the exit signs and let the glorious Candy Kong Muppet take in all the camera clicks.
JLo also needs to hand Donatella that trophy, because glamour IS a woman who is put together with Silly Putty and whose jowls tells us that she mines for diamonds with her mouth on the weekends. Fall back, JLo! Actually, JLo probably did fall back when she let go of Donatella and down came that bobble head toward her.
• 
jesus christ
thats gollum in a dress and a wig
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A baby's first words should not be: "DEATH DON'T TAKE ME NOW!!!" - MK
Jenny really has come a long way from the block.
http://www.google.ca/m/search?q=jennifer+lopez+1980&hl=en&client=safari&...
http://www.google.ca/m/search?q=jennifer+lopez+1980&hl=en&client=safari&...
Donatella is that bitch! She mines diamonds with her mouth on the weekends? She looks undead.
Crypt Keeper..
She does look very pretty. I dunno if it's that atypical hairstyle, plastic surgery, or if it;'s just that her eyes are all the way open and her mouth is smiling instead of doing that derpfaced "sexy" thing she does... but she does look very pretty and much younger.
Well, JeLo that is. Donatella looks like a puppet created by aliens who have only a vague idea what humans look like.
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
Mumm-Ra's albino sister.
I'm very superficial, I hate everything official.
Now I'm confused. I don't know whose shitty hideous yellow fried yarn hair is more hideous and lifeless: Donatella's (who really does look like an ugly version of Janice the muppet) OR Blohan's. Why do women do this to their hair? It only attracts dumb, ugly rednecks.
P.S. JLo's bod looks pretty hot here.
Nothing is more important in this world than lookin' spiffy
I think Donatella must be about 90% restaylyne.
Does she ever look in a fricken mirror? EYEBROWS are needed here.
.
.
Donatella looks like a Star Trek creature from another planet or the Creature from the Black Lagoon or something. However, I like her yellow dress. The one next to her is just a piece of trash wearing an ugly dress with a pinwheel on it.
I have to admit JLo looks great here. Something's off with her face, though. Anyone notice it? Like it's been elongated or something.
It looks like JHO Bag's transformation into a white woman is almost complete - a few more nose jobs and more skin bleaching is in order. Why does she always look like an old tired stripper or hooker? Low class, untalented trash. Trash is never glamorous.
She Stinks!
It pains me to say this, but Jlo looks.. beautiful?
It's amazing the difference a sweet smile can make.
When I looked, for a second I thought Octo Mom had gone blonde.
Octo and Donnatella need to go make bunch of milkshakes together or something...
I wanna smack this bitch (JLo) for making me wanna give some plastic surgeon a photoshop award. Also she's standing in Donatella's light which is just rude. Dontalla's surgeon wins nothing, however.
♥ Threadkilla!
Lean Like a Chola, Celebrity Stylez: http://youtu.be/0ZwdYeGSVS0
JLo may be an annoying bitch but I've always thought she was pretty (I thought she was absolutely gorgeous in U-Turn). Although she should lay off the Botox/fillers.
Donatella is just scary! Scary as fucking hell. I'm sure kids dress up as her at Halloween to scare the bejesus out of people. Her face looks like a squashed tomato - crossed with a muppet/puppet head - crossed with Jabba The Hut - crossed with Linda Blair in the Exorcist. Fucking FREAK!
Seriously?
JLo looks almost ten years younger in that first photo.
But then again, she is standing next to warm Death
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Does JLo look good, or just good by comparison?
Very Jessica Alba-ish.
It pains me to say it, but JLo looks great when she's not making her usual bitchface. Honestly, in the first photo I thinks she looks like Natalie Portman. If only she'd relax her face more often instead of trying to throw diva at everyone, it would benefit her greatly.
how come she aint wearing her own shit clothes she peddles?
get on that fiat hood & answer me NOW
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♦ When all else fails, they call me.
♦ Life sucks. Shit Happens. I'm a student of t-shirts.
JLo looks lovely here. And though she's still some kind of hot mess- Donatella looks better than she normally does. I mean come on, give the girl SOME credit, she's not the colour of a pumpkin in the shot.
JLO looks great! Can't even be mad....the woman is as talentless as a bag of shit but she always looks AMAZING!
JLo looks so different in those pics. ________________________________________________
"Crocs: They are to your eyes what second-hand smoke is to your lungs."
Submitted by MickeyHolland on Tue, 11/08/2011 - 2:06pm.
Whamo is cheating on Fishy!!!
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Mickey, Mickey Mickey let's not get crazy!!!JLo's not even in on the same planet as my Gwyneth Kate Paltrow you should know that by now!!
I think that JLo looks amazing. I was watching some of her videos from about 10/12 years ago and she really hasn't changed that much. Whether it's genes or good plastic surgery bitch has always looked fantastic, and I would totally kill to look that good at 40-something.
I'm sorry but JLo is shittin on all these wannabe Ho's...
Get it honey!!!!
how do you get your face as fucked up as her's (I mean Donatella...Jlow has GREAT plastic surgeons)...I mean she really looks like a muppet and that is an insult to muppets..is it the overdone lips...I just can't put my finger on it cause there is soo much wrong. I would rather have a jacked up body than a jacked up face, cause you really can cover your body with layers...and really camoflauge and wear spanx...but a face is the first thing people notice and see, and when yours is this jacked up the body is secondary..or even not on the list...cause the face is too tragic to notice anything else.
Whamo is cheating on Fishy!!!
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Rusty, tu nous manque! Sois gentil et donne-nous de tes nouvelles!
I hate these fake-ass awards. They mean nothing.
Change that Glamour Women of the Year to Glamour Women Who Are in Town/Available with Shit to Promote.
Donna's body looks pretty good in that dress...almost non-human like a smaller Jessica Rabbit...BUT I can't with THAT face!
Boner-killer Butter-face indeed.
I hope that outfit comes with a designer bag to put over her face when her boy toys fuck her.
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"I paid good money to get eaten out" - Samantha Jones
Is that dress from Pretty Girl? Or her own line at Kohl's? It's klassy.
"I know that I'm going to be a target, but I'm never going to be a victim". - Justin Bieber
Submitted by El Bastardo on Tue, 11/08/2011 - 12:54pm.
I know :( I feel so guilty for taking advantage!
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Liar, liar! Hey, if you hadn't, somebody else would have.
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
This is how I imagine Lady Gaga will look @ 60.
B!i!i!iD~
For your health.
Submitted by Athina on Tue, 11/08/2011 - 12:52pm.
The obvious answer to that is because Dr. Drew is a sleazy tabloid sensationalist without ethics or boundaries. So, making an entire tv show revolving around the authenticity of that skank's titties seemed perfectly reasonable to him.
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Uh - OK. Thanks for waking me up. I've never seen his show and that damn "Dr." before his name was throwing me off. I knew he catered to the celebrities - didn't realize he was so useless otherwise.
Ok I'm gonna get ready to duck here BUT.....
JLo looks quite tapable here...I mean she's not exactly ugly and dare I say she actually looks kinda HOT!! AND even though Donatella does indeed look like a never used cast member of the Muppets she at least has a nice looking figure. Mind you if that's as good as her face looks in full makeup I can't imagine what she'd look like 4 inches away thru just opened early morning sleepy eye.
You could only have Vampire sex with Donatella...that's where she's gotta be out of your bed by sunrise!
El B! LMFAO! I double dog dare you....M.E. would eat your for lunch! Oh, wait, I am making it worse, huh?!
Jlo looks purdy here.
*walks away*
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The difficult brown?! I think we're all done here. -MK
spanx is the 7th wonder of the world
suck it in sista
☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺
♦ When all else fails, they call me.
♦ Life sucks. Shit Happens. I'm a student of t-shirts.
Submitted by Deb on Tue, 11/08/2011 - 12:50pm.
Submitted by El Bastardo on Tue, 11/08/2011 - 12:45pm.
Submitted by M.E. on Tue, 11/08/2011 - 12:38pm.
There are no bones in your GD boobs. Ribs BEHIND the breast tissue yes.
I'll show ya a bone between ya GD boobs!
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ElB, you should thank M.E. for setting you up so nicely. All you had to do was knock 'em down! ;-)~
I know :( I feel so guilty for taking advantage!
The obvious answer to that is because Dr. Drew is a sleazy tabloid sensationalist without ethics or boundaries. So, making an entire tv show revolving around the authenticity of that skank's titties seemed perfectly reasonable to him.
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Submitted by NC-Ladee on Tue, 11/08/2011 - 12:48pm.
To jump into the other topic going on - I'm curious - of all the things to research about Courtney Stoddard - why would Dr. Drew pick her chest cavity? The child obviously has lost a great deal of her gray matter that should reside in her skull. That's what they should be looking into - WTF she is so damn loopy, not whether or not her breast are real.
Submitted by El Bastardo on Tue, 11/08/2011 - 12:45pm.
Submitted by M.E. on Tue, 11/08/2011 - 12:38pm.
There are no bones in your GD boobs. Ribs BEHIND the breast tissue yes.
I'll show ya a bone between ya GD boobs!
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ElB, you should thank M.E. for setting you up so nicely. All you had to do was knock 'em down! ;-)~
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
Donatella gets an A for her wig, B+ for her dress, C+ for her body and F for the face (F as in fucked up).
Submitted by IrishFury on Tue, 11/08/2011 - 12:32pm.
DOG! DON'T TEASE LIKE THAT! IF IT'S NOT TRUE I'LL CRY!!
^^^^^^^
STOP THE INSANITY!!!!!!!!!!
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To jump into the other topic going on - I'm curious - of all the things to research about Courtney Stoddard - why would Dr. Drew pick her chest cavity? The child obviously has lost a great deal of her gray matter that should reside in her skull. That's what they should be looking into - WTF she is so damn loopy, not whether or not her breast are real.
Submitted by M.E. on Tue, 11/08/2011 - 12:38pm.
There are no bones in your GD boobs. Ribs BEHIND the breast tissue yes.
I'll show ya a bone between ya GD boobs!
Submitted by DeeDee on Tue, 11/08/2011 - 12:35pm.
Donatella looks like yellow lizard jerky.
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Excellent description!
And that jerky would be tobacco, vodka and halitosis flavored.
I also hate that JLo looks so good. She HAS been very "Alba-esque" looking recently.
If I had to guess, I would say that she has had work done on her eyes and jawline. Her nose looks a bit more petite, too. Bitch.
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
Why is J-Blow presenting Dontellmeyourfaceisnaturalla with Michelle Duggar's dildo???????
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Visit Anthony Higgins Performances on Facebook.
There are no bones in your GD boobs. Ribs BEHIND the breast tissue yes.
Submitted by MissJaneTexas on Tue, 11/08/2011 - 12:28pm.
Submitted by cake coke and cock on Tue, 11/08/2011 - 12:20pm.
I still think JenAnn is preggo. She is glowing and that littttttle bit of extra weight looks good on her. I have always thought she was beautiful.
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They said she was drinking cocktails (vodka) so me thinks she isn't preggo.
she's starting to look like the queen of the telenovela...you know, the ones who all wish they were Alexis Carrington Colby, but they're not.
seriously, I'm starting to see the age in her face, and that Makeup Forever powder that makes you look like you got into a fight with Poppin Fresh is clearly visible in thumb 4.
I don't know why she and Marc Anthony broke up I mean why hock golf cart-lookin' Fiats when you can rule the world of telenovelas with an iron fist. you know they would have dominated the competition.
Hahaha IG - frickin Janice! lmao
Donatella looks like she pressed her face to the window and it stayed like that. Poor window.
And JLo does look gorgeous. Not a big fan of the dress but her curves are kickin in it. Ugh I did not just say that. *puts out hit on myself*
If Dog is right, the Mayans are wrong.
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Don't make me quote Nabokov at you. I'll do it. I promise.
Donatella looks like yellow lizard jerky.