This Is Too Sexy Hot For The Pumpkin Patch To Handle
Speaking of shit that should be banned from the world, that burning sensation taking over your eyeballs that feels like the tips of your lashes are growing genital warts and your retinas are wrinkling into the fetal position could only mean one thing: it's a Courtney Stodden and Doug Hutchison post!
If this precious picture of the 17-year-old reptile bride and her creepy serial killer-looking husband posing with the Lohan family (who are looking less orange and bloated than usual) makes you want to cover the eyes of innocent chirruns everywhere, then you're not alone. Before this picture was taken, The Tales of the Crypt's answer to Heidi and Spencer were kicked out of a pumpkin patch in the Santa Clarita Valley for acting like two nasty, inappropriate, pumpkin-fucking whores of destruction. Yup, that's them!
Radar says that mothers who wanted to spend their afternoon picking out a pumpkin with their families instead had to soothe the faces of their crying children and close the mouths of their husbands after Courtney sashayed by in a pair of coochie-killing coochie cutters and white dick-picking-up boots (and it's after Labor Day)! After the pumpkin patch received complaint after complaint, Courtney and Dog (typo and it stays) were shown the exit. Courtney, being the good Christian girl she is, responded to this injustice by quoting the bible on Twitter:
Have a beautifully blessed Sunday! :) "Do not judge by appearances, but judge with right judgment.” John 7:24
21 hours ago via web
If there was Internet access in heaven and Jesus could rewrite John 7:24 he'd change it to: "Do not judge by appearances, but do judge a nightmare creature for spreading several layers of snatch slime on a bunch of pumpkins in the Santa Clarity Valley."
But in all seriousness, Courtney getting kicked out of the pumpkin patch was an act of pure jealousy. How can anyone be prejudiced toward a naturally beautiful sunflower whose eyes were kissed by heaven's clouds (aka Bonne Bell frosted eyeshadow), whose lips are covered in sparkling unicorn semen (aka Vaseline mixed with Bonne Bell frosted eyeshadow) and whose clothes were made for her by the finest French couture house (aka one of those stripper stores on Hollywood Blvd.). Those hating families wish having a sense of dignity didn't stop them from being this classy and demure.
For more pictures of the walking Blumpkin that is Courtney and Doug, go to The Superficial and view at your own risk. Below are pictures of Courtney's obvious idol, The Empress of Lucite, turning pumpkins into lucite chariots at a pumpkin patch over the weekend. Note to Courtney: If you don't want to be kicked out of the pumpkin patch, trade your hooker boots, denim panties and creepy husband for exquisite heels, the finest dress that a handjob can buy and an ambiguously gay boy toy imported from Eastern Europe.
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MK, really, you should know better! Slutsky Shana's "friend" is not a boy toy, he is a toy boy. A GIRL is a boy's toy, like Madonna used to wear on her shirt.
this is just sad and disturbing. i mean, the empress of lucite has had a lifetime to become what she is! at least at one point pre-lucite(there are pictures) we know that she was just an average high schooler. but this is a "17 year old" with a much much much older creepy looking man who is basically whoring herself out! it's terrible and makes me queasy. but MK's writing is absolutely hilarious. so...
www.hangryhippo.com: Where hunger, anger, media consumption, and satire meet for a snack
Those poor pumpkins, like they haven't been through enough.
But seriously, the Doug guy needs to be arrested. If she is indeed 17, how disgusting that she is dressed like a common whore. Not to mention her unfortunate looking face. He is obviously not in love with her because if he was, he would not want every Tom, Dick, and Harry looking at her hoohaa.
Tee-heeee MIke and PSL. Seriously, what else could it be?
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Visit Anthony Higgins Performances on Facebook.
From ME's link:
"Courtney attends "Alpha Omega", an online private Christian Academy based in Iowa."
What a joke....
I cannot understand these parents with access to good education not taking advantage of it. Every single teen pushed at us in the media has no education, none. WTF!!
Get myself uncranky......you can make the mountains ring or make the angels cry.....
Get together people, you know how....
"OH YOU FANCY HUH" - KA
This girl wreaks of sexual abuse. It's really sad. If she is in fact 17, she is just a kid. She needs help. I feel sorry for her.
Those white pirate boots = prostitute.
Her nutsack must have been really relieved to get out of those shorts when she got home
"When I'm good I'm very good but when I'm bad I'm better." ~Mae West
In picture number 5, her coochie lip is hangin' out. I can see why parents complained. And in picture number 10, if anyone was standing to Doug's right, I'm sure they got an eyeful.
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"Wait until the bitch finds the family of wombats living in her chocha." - MK
She is gross! It's very obvious she doesn't give a rat's ass about him, he must have been the only idiot to answer her emails when she was casting her fame whore net. He looks like he was hired for the job except in picture 5(of the Superficial pics), does he actually look a little embarrassed?
"...your retinas are wrinkling into the fetal position ..."
MK, please throw your hat in the ring for the presidential election in 2012.
oh I can't hate Courtney. You're only 17 twenty times, so enjoy it.
Im more concerned for her husband. I have the urge to tie a flannel knit around his waist and send him back to '92.
Submitted by ImpertinentVixen on Mon, 10/24/2011 - 2:45pm.
Maybe they're filming, "It's The Great Strumpet, Charlie Brown."
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HHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA I just fucking lost it on that one! My Man is all looking around....hahahahhah
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Won't you come a bit closer, close enough so I can smell you.
I need you to feel this, I can't stand to burn too long.
-Tool
Submitted by beakers bitch on Mon, 10/24/2011 - 8:06pm.
I will never believe that this bitch is 17. Never. Ever. Never, ever. I don't care if she produces her birth certificate with a video of her mother giving birth to her while the President at the time tap dances in front of them holding up the front page of the paper from that day. No way I'll believe that rode hard and put away wet Pamela Anderson wannabe is only 17.
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
This girl is seriously ill.
Can she and her old fart husband be any more desperate to land a reality show? Hopefully the pumpkins don't catch the clap and the little kids don't have nightmares.
LOL @ the Samantha Fox comments.
http://vodpod.com/watch/89191-samantha-fox-i-wanna-have-some-fun
Maybe Douggie has an old crush on Samantha and some hidden vintage wanking photos.
ETA: this gem too: http://vimeo.com/17131136
(slowed beat/same song as I wanna have some fun - LOL)
@Submitted by AtomicCity on Mon, 10/24/2011 - 5:12pm.
For Marge's hair you can use pillow stuffing and some wire hanger shaped into the hair style and either wrap or use pipe cleaners to hold the pillow stuffing on, and then blue spray paint! :) Of course you'll have to figure out how to mount the hairpiece onto something that will fit on your head but I'm sure you can come up with that. Maybe an old baseball hat(cut the bill off the front) and glue gun?
Just an idea from my arts and farts collection. I once did Pipi Longstocking braids with wire hanger and wrapped my real hair around it and then just bent the wires :) looked realistic and held.
I will never believe that this bitch is 17. Never. Ever. Never, ever. I don't care if she produces her birth certificate with a video of her mother giving birth to her while the President at the time tap dances in front of them holding up the front page of the paper from that day. No way I'll believe that rode hard and put away wet Pamela Anderson wannabe is only 17.
If this guy were really into Courtney, he would have been fucking her against a giant pumpkin instead of looking at her like she's meh to him.
The poster formerly known as Snow Owl formerly known as Night Owl!
I love that this tween porn wannabe dresses like a whore in heat to provoke people into judgement, then quotes biblical verses that say "don't judge me by how I look..." That's the best mind-fuck I've seen in years...
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"There's not enough liquor or therapy in the world to help me forget that..." - Archer
The Empress of Lucite needs to stop getting her paid pieces from the "now retired" rouster of Bel Ami.
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Shiitake happens...
i bet those denin panties had to be pried out of courtney's uterus with tweezers...i would be most digusted to see this freak bending around those innocent pumpkins...
the empress looks like a fresh faced virgin in comparison to that other skank...
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"The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it." --
Roseanne Barr
Can pumpkins be disinfected?
*peeks @ site. crys.*
*chanting as always*
"I feel the burn it must be Vern" PERKY 2011
Courtney: Samantha Fox called. She wants her 80's look back and, oh yeah, her boobs are actually real.
After looking at the pictures I can see why people complained. I would be pissed if I took my kids to get pumpkins and this shit was happening. Short shorts are one thing, but you can see her bits. Yuck.
She's off her gourd.
True story: I was going to dress up as Courtney Stodden as Halloween (but actually the chick on The Soup who does her gum-chewing, laughing impression of her). Anyway, I've decided that since I stay home and give out candy to the neighbor kids (and talk major shit about adults using Halloween as their one night to hooker up), the parents would probably think I'm the legit neighborhood slut. However, maybe the high school boys would offer to rake my leaves and mow my lawn
But, since my dog looks EXACTLY like Santa's Little Helper and my husband has a gigantic beer gut, we're going as Homer and Marge Simpson and dog.
Where will I find a gigantic blue wig?
"A candle loses nothing of its light by lighting another candle."--catholicschoolgirl
The Empress of Lucite and her piece look like angels!
This might have been said already, but I wish Serial Mom would come beat that bitch to death with a payphone for wearing white boots after Labor Day.
UGH! These two famewhores make me sick! Also, I will never believe this bitch is 17.
I don't get the whole concept of a pumpkin patch to begin with, but I really don't get why all these no-talent whores go there to be photographed. Really? A fucking pumpkin patch?
AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAA did anyone read the link stuff? This ho went to an online "bible" academy/school. Now ok, online schools may be good, but come on, really? REALLY?
Slut-Off in the Punkin Patch. Calling all whores, skank it with the best, featuring: Courtney Stodden, Shauna Sand, Katie Price, Jodie Marsh and special guest star Phoebe Price
She probably gets off on the full-on wedgie.
I had respect for her until she wore white boots after Labor Day. Who does that?
"A candle loses nothing of its light by lighting another candle."--catholicschoolgirl
I hate to be the voice of reason, but as a society, we've brought this on ourselves. Anywhore can be famous just for being, well, a whore, and the PR folks know it. It's just finding someone willing to sell out their self respect, or even worse, their children's...side eye to Mama Lohan.
While this Courtney creature seems like a big deal now, this time next year, a 60 year old man will bring his 12 year old girl friend to the pumpkin patch and pee on her, and we'll all say, meh, that's old, show me something new.
That being said, I'm starting to get a little pissed off at the hubby for not laughing at her pics, instead I'm having to wipe the slobber from his lower lip.
What in the hell is he wearing? Can't he even try a little? He looks like he picked all the pumpkins himself in that outfit. Guess reality TV doesn't pay enough to dress 2.
Kissing Ass and Cupping Balls. You're Welcome.
It's times like these that I miss the Jenny Jones show. Courtney fits one of those "Sexy Dressing Teens" shows to a t.
He is gorgeous but he knows it BIG TIME, which is a turn off. And he looks like he could be her son lol. I bet she's just rented him out for a few weeks/months. He looks gay (nothing wrong with that) so she isn't fooling anyone.
It's a sad day when this *cough* seventeen *cough* year old trick out-sluts The Empress of Lucite. Shauna needs to step up her game and get her skanky ass kicked out of someplace, so she can make it "big" in the tabloids.
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"...We don't exist for the beautiful people of the world...We're there for the oddball, the rebel, the outcast, the geek!"
Why does this 17 yo's chest look like that 80 year old sunfried chest from There's Something About Mary!?
This girl is so outrageous that it's pretty entertaining. I think she's grown on me.
Just gross.
Submitted by ImpertinentVixen on Mon, 10/24/2011 - 2:45pm.
Maybe they're filming, "It's The Great Strumpet, Charlie Brown."
LOL!!!!
Submitted by PrettyHateMachine on Mon, 10/24/2011 - 2:25pm.
Here is a picture of Courtney from when she was 15, and she does look more her own age
http://www.awfulplasticsurgery.com/2011/06/22/courtney-stodden-plastic-o...
and another link
http://thecommunitycybernews.com/2009/05/29/miss-ocean-shores/
So maybe she isn't lying? It's hard to find pictures of her before she became a teen bride
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Well one thing is 100% obvious from those photo's her basketball tits are NOT God given.
the Empress actually looks like she can move her face...good for her...she still looks extremely frozen faced like Adrienne from the howives of bev hills, but ANYBODY, and EVERYBODY...looks better than Cunty Studster...that he-man, loose labia lipped 57 going on "17"...yeah rrrriiiggghhhttt!!
"Radar says that mothers who wanted to spend their afternoon picking out a pumpkin with their families instead had to soothe the faces of their crying children and close the mouths of their husbands after Courtney sashayed by in a pair of coochie-killing coochie cutters and white dick-picking-up boots (and it's after Labor Day)!"
Best.Paragraph.Ever. Can't say enough. MK, you steal my heart every single day.
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"Submitted by suckandfuck on Fri, 04/16/2010 - 5:46pm.
I would slaughter a thousand babies for an hour alone with Mike Rowe."