As Mimi and Nick Cannon’s precious new pair of unicornlets crawled to the hospital’s administrative offices to change their names (which I’m guessing are Sparklebelle LaMimi and Rainick Lotsa Heart) on the birth certificates before that mess gets entered into the system, their parents kept with tradition by renewing their vows (aka the lyrics to “Touch My Body“).
Every wedding anniversary Mimi and Nick re-caulk their love with the glitter syrup that drips off the words in their vows, and they weren’t going to let a little thing called “raw C-section stitches” get in the way of them doing it this year.
UsWeekly says that Rev. Al Sharpton conducted the ceremony in the hospital yesterday, which leads me to ask: IS ANYBODY THINKING ABOUT THE BABIES?! Just imagine that you’re opening your eyes for the first time and there you see your mother lying in a tub full of pink rose petals with a bedazzled unicorn horn veil on her head and two shirtless man slaves in butterfly thongs sprinkling heart confetti all over her as Rev. Al Sharpton recites the sappiest lines every written by a human being. #dempoorbabies are still wiping the rainbow-colored cheese out of their tiny eyes.