Presenting Miss USA Forever (In My Head)

May 17, 2010 / Posted by:

Johnny Weir was a judge at last night’s Miss Purdy Face 2010 when he really should’ve been on the stage demonstrating to those simple queens what the true definition of high glamour is. BOW DOWN. Johnny doesn’t need to strut around in a two-piece to show America that he has natural grace running through the veins in his toes all the way up to the highest point on his follicles. All he has to do is show up in a bolero made of Muppet orgasms.

Actually, Johnny didn’t show up wearing that jacket. The other queens found his beauty so inexcusable that when he was gliding across the hallways past them, they ripped the feathers from their evening gowns and threw that shit at him. The feathers clung to Johnny creating the glamorous spectacle you see before you. Those queens tried to dim Johnny’s gorgeousness, but they only enhanced it. Johnny wears their hate and jealousy well.

Unfortunately, Johnny wasn’t crowned Miss USA last night. Miss Michigan Rima Fakih was. Rima is either the first or the second Arab-American woman to ever be crowned Miss USA.

It wouldn’t be a Miss USA pageant without someone screaming “ESCANDALO!” Although, this is about as scandalous as another ho dropping out of Tiger Woods’ ass crack. Mojo in the Morning posted a few pictures of Rima wearing more than she did during last night’s swimsuit competition while riding a stripper pole during a contest in 2007. The toddler who won Little Miss Miss 2010 probably has more scandalous pictures out there.

And since Rima tripped on her gown and referred to birth control as a “controlled substance,” some crazy bitches are saying she only won because of political correctness. Some conservatives also used the “affirmative action” phrase. Jezebel has a complete run down if you want to get into that.

But seriously, why are people freaking out over a competition where the winner receives a year-supply of Nina Shoes. I mean, NINA SHOES! If Nina Shoes is involved, it’s not that serious. Chinese Laundry on the other hand…..

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