Would You Still Hit It?

When I first saw these pictures of Joe Manganiello at 2013 Style Awards in NYC last night, I made the same face White Oprah makes whenever she comes in contact with her youngest son Cody Lohan. I made the “I know I know you from somewhere…..” face.

I almost didn’t recognize Joe ManJell-O with all the wolf hair shaved off of his face. It took 8 razors, 12 razor sharpeners, 19 gallons of water and 30 tubs of shaving cream to shave off his beard. It’s not that he had a lot of beard. It’s just that his hair is so coarse and so manly. They couldn’t put his shaved-off hair in the sink, because it’ll clog the drain and every drain. So his assistant put it in a Hefty bag and donated it to Brillo. Yes, we’re scrubbing our pots and pans with Joe ManJello-O’s beard hair. It’s that coarse and that hardcore. It also grows really fast. Ten seconds before this picture was taken, Joe ManJell-O shaved his face again and a second after the flash went off, he already had a 5 o’clock shadow and his 5 o’clock shadow had a 5 o’clock shadow.

I don’t even care that it looks like he’s wearing a three-piece denim suit, I’d hit it. I’d hit it clean shaven. I’d hit it hairy. I’d hit it if he was covered in Donald Trump’s ass hairs.

Pics: Splash

Would You Hit It?

Adam Levine’s future ex-fiancee Behati Prinsloo Instagrammed this picture of him looking like a malnourished crazy person who got out of his hospital gown and is running out of the mental ward. He’s got a lot of herp derp in his step. Even though his ass looks like it needs to be hooked up to an IV drip full of blended Big Macs and you can practically hear the bones in his old man ankles cracking, I still would. I’d hit it while pouring gallons of Ensure into his mouth hole.

Would You Hit It?

Here’s Colin Kaepernick, the quarterback for the 49ers (whatever that means), flashing his rock hard 9″ nose and tattooed nipple frames on the cover of GQ. Colin kind of gives me shades of Adrien Brody and I’d rob a church to get six seconds in a kennel with the Afghan Hound adonis that is Adrien Brody. It’s the schnoz. It’s a nose you can deep throat.

So even though Colin sort of looks like a messy mash-up of Squidward and Alice the Goon, is offending several cultures with those tattoos and has a chin rug that looks like a beaver’s ass, I’d hit it.

via ONTD

Would You Hit It?

No, this is not Channing Tatum on the set of Picked Scabs & Fingernail Dirt: The True Story Of Puck from The Real World: San Francisco. This is Channing Tatum on the Chicago set of The Wachowskis’ Jupiter Ascending. Channing plays some kind of wolf elf warrior thing who is sent to Earth by the Queen of the Universe to track down and capture a human girl, played by Mila Kunis. That plot sounds exactly like Scientology’s hunt to find Tommy Girl a new wife. But back to Carol O’Neal…

Even though every wannabe skater in the 90s had that hair and his goatee looks like dead grass and those eyebrows look like piss-soaked tampon halves, I still would. It’s the ears.

Pics: Splash

Would You Hit It?

As we walk through the valley of the shadow of death while making our way to the afterworld, we can all tell ourselves that we’ve learned everything there is to learn about life, because we know that Geraldo Rivera shaves his pubes. Twitter can shut down now, because I’ve seen everything and I don’t want to see anymore.

Last night, all the moisture on the Earth’s surface dried up when the freshly shaven Fox of Fox News, Geraldo Rivera, tweeted this bathroom selfie of his 70-year-old nipples and smooth pepaw crotch, and he added the note:

70 is the new 50 (Erica and family are going to be so pissed…but at my age…)

This picture is what you would see if you looked at Grindr while in the middle of a retirement community in Boca. Jesus be a flying chair to hit me in the head and knock out the image of a naked Geraldo Rivera.

With all that being said, no, I would not hit it, even with Geraldo’s rose-colored glasses on. Rose-colored glasses are strong, but they’re not that strong. (And the sad truth is, I probably would hit it. It’s the downfall of being a shameless, desperate slut.)

via Buzzfeed

Would You Hit It, Part 2

You can never have too many Would You Hit Its, so here’s another one courtesy of Anna Faris’ dude Chris Pratt. Former fatty Chris Patt put muscles on his body to play a member of Seal Team Six in Zero Dark Thirty and he’s one again put muscles on his body for the Guardians of the Galaxy movie. Chris Instagrammed this self-proclaimed douchified selfie of him puckering up while giving us several eye servings of his abs and hairy nips.

Go ahead and take my “yes, I’d hit it” from the Zach Braff post and slap it on this one. Those mini poak chop sideburns sealed it for me.

via HuffPo