Last month, Winnie Cooper was spotted dressed like a post-apocalyptic desert whore and I was really hoping that it was her new look, because the world would be a much more beautiful place if everyone did themselves up like a post-apocalyptic desert whore. But Winnie did herself up like that for Avril Lavigne’s video for “Rock N Roll.” Since then, I haven’t stopping screaming, “WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEIIIIIII?”
Well, now here’s the finished product which also stars a Sony phone, Billy Zane, a bearshark and a drunk driving Doberman. At around the 2:47 mark, Winnie Cooper gets Urban Decay lip stain and Chad Kroeger’s ball sweat on her mouth when she kisses Avril. At that moment, Kevin Arnold got out of his chair and asked for a hall pass so he could go to the bathroom to cry.
That song. That angsty wail Avril lets out is probably the same sound every 13-year-old makes when their parents pull them out of bed on the first day of school. Even Billy Zane and Winnie Cooper can’t save this video. But I would’ve loved this video if it was silent and starred an actual raccoon instead of Avril.
I can appreciate Winnie Cooper (born name: Danica Mae McKellar) doing herself up like a post-apocalyptic desert whore who gives sloppy hand jobs for canned peas at tank stops, but I CAN NOT appreciate her doing herself up like that for Avril Lavigne. I would expect this kind of foolery from Becky Slater or Lisa Berlini, but not Winnie Cooper.
For whatever reason (examples: bitch needs a quick check, she thinks this is a Make-A-Wish situation, etc… etc…), the Isaac Newton of this generation shot a cameo in Avril Lavigne’s video for “Rock ‘N Roll” in L.A. yesterday. Avril didn’t only drag a piece of my childhood into her latest 8th grade talent show act, but she also dragged Tank Girl into it. If the Tank Girl movie and a Lip Service clearance sale used a factory-defected jar of Manic Panic Lube to have bareback ass sex in a Port-A-Potty at the Gathering of the Juggalos, Avril is what their butt baby would look like.
Winnie Cooper has officially entered the What The Fuck Years. What in the hell kind of math genius is Winnie Cooper anyway? Doesn’t she know that the answer to the problem Winnie Cooper + Avril Lavigne is: NOOOOOOOOOOO.