Kai The Hatchet Wielding Hitchhiker Got Caught And Has Been Charged With Murder

Earlier today, I wrote about how internet star Kai the Hatchet Wielding Hitchhiker chopped off all his hair and went on the run after he allegedly beat a dude to death in New Jersey. Kai didn’t get that far. The police caught his ass at a bus station in Philadelphia and are sending him back to New Jersey where he’ll be charged for murder. His bail was set at $3 million and you know somebody’s going to start a Kickstarter to bail his ass out, because bitches start a Kickstarter for everything.

The police told AP that Kai met the man he allegedly murdered, 73-year-old Joseph Galfy Jr., in Times Square on Saturday night. Joseph brought Kai back to his house and two days later he was dead. One day after the police found Joseph Galfy’s body, Kai wrote this on Facebook:

what would you do if you woke up with a groggy head, metallic taste in your mouth, in a strangers house… walked to the mirror and seen come dripping from the side of your face from your mouth, and started wretching, realizing that someone had drugged, raped, and blown their fuckin load in you? what would you do?

Well, I’d probably just, I don’t know, call the fucking police or at least call Mariska Hargitay or something. But if Kai is telling the truth up there, then I guess we know how he handled it. And Shaun White should jumpstart his acting career by playing Kai in the Law & Order: SVU episode based on this.

How Many Shits Does Whoopi Give About Who Replaces Elisabeth And Joy On The View?

Answer: Not a one!

Whoopi Goldberg went to a Vanity Fair party at the Tribeca Film Festival in NYC last night and UsWeekly asked her a few questions. Based on the way Whoopi was dressed, they should’ve asked her what it was like teaching a young Harry Potter. But instead they asked her who she thinks should replace Joy Behar and Elisabeth Hasselcrack on The View next season. Whoopi’s internal hard drive processed that question for a quick second before she opened up her empty hands to show UsWeekly how many fucks she gives.

“Let me tell you this about The View: I take a paycheck every other week. That’s all I do. I could give a shit what comes. I do my job — I have a contract. That’s where I stand. I don’t give a fuck.”

Just in case we didn’t get it the first time, the honey badger of daytime talk show hosts let us know that unless ABC pays her to care, she no care!

“I don’t care. That’s not my job. My job is to show up and be cute by 11 o’clock and get the fuck off that show by 12. And that’s what I try to do. I think it’s the only way to keep your sanity because these are not decisions that I get to make. It ain’t my show. It’s Barbara’s show.”

So all Whoopi does is show up on time, leave on time and be cute? Barbara Walters needs to bring up that last part in Whoopi’s next employee evaluation, because I’ve seen the shit she wears on TV and it definitely doesn’t fall into the cute category. But seriously, where can I get a job like Whoopi’s, because I really want to get paid to not give one shit. Oh…wait….

And here’s a knocked up Evan Rachel Wood, Sandra Bernhard and Sienna Miller at last night’s Vanity Fair party and I’m sure Whoopi doesn’t give a shit about any of them.

Courtney Stodden Explains Courtney Stodden

Here’s Courtney Stodden telling everyone everything they need to know about Courtney Stodden while teaching the children how to get famous in one simple step. Wow is right.

Source: dqdbpb via College Humor & Buzzfeed