Get That Product Placement In There, Bitch!

It’s been way too long since Jennifer Aniston has delivered a good old-fashioned staged bikini photo-op in Mexico (sponsored by SmartWater), so she gave us one yesterday.  Although, those pictures are so damn blurry that it could be Brad Pitt kissing on Joan Jett for all we know.

To celebrate the fact that We’re The Millers didn’t flop, Jennifer, her piece Justin Theroux, Jason Bateman and his wife Amanda Anka all went down to Los Cabos. Jennifer is killing two birds with this shit. She started the latest pregnancy rumors by bumping it at her premiere a few weeks ago and now she’s killing those rumors by struttin’ around in a two piece. And she’s struttin’ around in a two piece while carrying a bottle of SmartWater. My favorite picture is the one above. Romance IS Jennifer Aniston whispering sweet nothings to Justin Theroux and by “sweet nothings” I mean: “Stop bitching about how my razor-sharp nipples are cutting into your chest and lean in closer. That SmartWater bottle needs to get in the shot, because I need that bonus! Your black skinny jeans aren’t cheap, whore!”

Pics: FameFlynet, Splash

Kim Zolciak Is Having Twins

Kim Zolciak’s latest assistant better buy extra cartons of cigarettes at Costco, because the human silicone bag in a wig is smoking for three now! One of Atlanta’s hardest working fame whores and gold diggers tells E! that her and her husband Kroy Biermann are going to be parents to twins. Kroy and Kim already have 2 sons together and she has 2 daughters from her first marriage. As Kim’s Duggar-in-training uterus moans and tries to send her brain a message to please trade in her prenatal cigarettes for prenatal weed joints so the pain it feels from always having a baby in it will go away, she said this to E! about having her own child army:

“I’m having twins and I couldn’t be more excited. I was completely shocked. I had no idea. It was a natural conception, but twins do run in the family, so I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised. I can’t believe I am going to be a mom to six children. It’s going to be very busy but it’s a dream come true.”

Kim is a piece of trash and her pussy probably suffers from PTSD by now, but I still have to slow clap for her. Now that she’s having twins, bitch not only secured another season of her unwatchable shit show Don’t Be Tardy…., but now she’s going to get even more child support money from Kroy when they eventually divorce.  That’s a how gold digging fame whore truly does it!

(Pic via Instagram)