Category: Two and a Half Men
The Kid From Two And A Half Men Wants You To Stop Watching The Show That Makes Him $350,000 An Episode
Regularly inhaling Charlie Sheen’s coke and call girl snatch breath would make almost any kid run straight to Jesus and that’s exactly what 19-year-old Angus T. Jones has done and then some. For the past ten seasons, Angus has played the half man in Two and a Half Men and it’s made him the highest paid child actor in television. But every time Angus gets a $350,00 check from CBS, he happily cashes in it and then washes his hands in holy water, because that money is dark-sided and has the blood of Satan all over it.
Back in October, Angus shot some kind of testimonial for the Forerunner Christian Church and at the 7:30 mark he tells Christians not to watch the television show that made him a child millionaire. I don’t watch Two a Half Men, because it’s a total shit show. But Angus thinks you shouldn’t watch his show, because it’s filled with filth and is probably on Lucifer’s Tivo To Do List. Dumbass didn’t bite the hand that feeds. He gnawed that shit off by saying this:
“Jake from Two and a Half Men means nothing. He is a non-existent character. If you watch Two and a Half Men, please stop watching Two and a Half Men. I’m on Two and a Half Men and I don’t want to be on it. Please stop watching it and filling your head with filth. Please. People say it’s just entertainment. The fact that it’s entertainment, it’s… Do some research on the effects of television and your brain, and I promise you you’ll have a decision to make when it comes to television, especially with what you watch. It’s bad news. I don’t know if it means anymore coming from me, but you might not have heard it otherwise. Just watch it. A lot of people don’t want to think about how deceptive the enemy is.”
Angus then goes on to say that he doesn’t want to be helping the enemy and that he can’t be a God-fearing person when he’s on a show like that and (insert more Christian stuff here). Angus also recently said that he’s signed on for another year and that God wants him there for a reason.
That video is like his audition tape for The Trinity Network’s Two and a Half Christians starring Kirk Cameron and Stephen Baldwin.
So basically, Angus is saying he’s an undercover agent for God? He’s learning about the enemy by working for the enemy? Angus’ handler God is totally not going to like that he blew his cover.
And I should’ve done some research before watching this video, because now I’m afraid of the effects it will have on my brain.
Two And A Half Inches
This is the first ad for the next season of Two and a Half Men starring Ashton Kutcher and shit is not staring off well. Was it really necessary for CBS to make those of us with gutter brains imagine Jon Cryer, douche Jesus and that former fat kid airing their peens out just inches apart from each other? Did I really need to see the look on Jon’s face when he stares at Ashton’s totally shaved crotch and realizes it looks like G.I. Jane with a deviated septum. No.
And I’m guessing the all in “all will be revealed” is that these three are really mutants who can stretch their torsos all long and shit like Gumby.
via EW
And So It Begins….
As Jon Cryer throws the same look of uncertainty I make when my sister takes me to a vegan restaurant and Angus T. Jones laughs at the insane amount of money he’s fucking making right now (he does that a lot), Ashton Kutcher thinks about the treasures he’s going to find buried in Charlie Sheen’s old trailer (a silicone vagina filled with 8-balls, a hooker’s right leg, who knows…).
Jon, Ashton and Angus gathered together at the CBS upfronts in NYC yesterday as the new cast of the next (and probably last) season of Two and a Half Men. Yeah, I know people are saying that CBS should just bury Two and a Half Men in the octagon next to Charlie Sheen’s sanity, but let these hos make as much money as they can while it’s still possible. Jon Cryer needs to buy more shiny suits. Ashton needs to buy Demi Moore a new face and a new pair of heat-resistant nipples. And Angus needs more money to drown the image of Charlie Sheen snorting yellow cocaine off of a gorilla’s pec while a midget porn star threw multicolored mini marshmallows at his asshole in his trailer. So more money for them! I can still hate. But I can’t fully hate.
And is it just me, or does this picture look like the three stages of a male-to-female sex change (you decide who goes with which stage).
