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True Blood’s Nest organized a battle between Vampire Beeeeehl and ASkars to see who could suck out the most money for charity. The loser had to pose for a picture while wearing a t-shirt designed by the winner. Well, as you can tell by the fact that your khakis are around your ankles and a “DO NOT DISTURB” sign is hung over your cubicle wall, Vampire Beeehl’s team won and he forced the Swedish meatball to pose in a pink “Bill’s Bitch” t-shirt.

Beeehl raised $35,043 for the Gulf Relief Foundation and ASkars raised $34,223 for SOS Children’s Villages.

These pictures are definitely worth a thousand words (and other things). And they’re even worth more if you pull the camera back with your imagination and picture Beehl standing on one of Tommy Girl’s apple boxes to kiss his Swedish bitch. Now who’s the real bitch, Beeeeehl?

via ONTD

“Sookeh Iz Mahn….Like Legally And Shit”

Pop the sparkling True Blood (or just add a drop of soda water to your Sunday Bloody Mary), because Sooookeh and Beeeeeeehl Compton went and got married! To each other! That means your religious grandma doesn’t have to hide her eyes with a bible when Sookeh and Beehl hump the crotch patches off each other in True Blood, because they married now. Yay! We can all enjoy Sookeh and Beehl’s bloody fuck scenes together now!

UsWeekly says that Anna Paquin and Stephen Moyer became husband and wife last night at a private house in Malibu in front of friends and family including Elijah Wood, Denis O’Hare, Alan Ball, Carrie Preston and her husband Ben Linus from Lost. Yes, this confirms that Ben Linus is EVERYWHERE. You’re not just seeing things.

This is the first marriage (I think) for both Anna and Stephen. Stephen has two chirruns from two previous relationships.

There aren’t many details on Sookeh and Beehl’s wedding, but the only thing I want to know is if Lafayette was the flower gay and gave shade down the aisle while throwing deep fried onion blossoms from Merlotte’s as Tara’s mom and Randi Sue hummed the wedding song.

Oh and somebody should let People Magazine know that when they buy the TOTALLY EXCLUSIVE pictures from Sookeh and Beehl’s wedding, they should just use a half-naked picture of ASkars as their cover. That’s all anybody (aka probably just me) wants to see anyways. They can have him cover up his downtown Swedish dreamland with a ring bearer’s pillow to give it that wedding feel.

UPDATE: Here’s some crystal clear pictures of Stephen Moyer and some of his guests running into the ocean after he got married. And are the two chicks in the band doing the robot? This wedding….

Needs Less Sookeh

Because True Blood is quickly showing Skinemax how soft core porn is really done, here’s Eric, Sookeh and Beeehl all bloody and nekkid ass nekkid on the cover of Rolling Stone. Let’s just say they’re actually covered in Blood Mary mix. Throw ASkars into a tub full of vodka, stick a piece of celery in his no-no, grab a giant straw, dip it in and just keep sucking!

Some of you might give this cover the “GROSS” label because they are splattered in blood, but it doesn’t matter to me. If ASkars was covered in bits of CROCS, UGGS lint, CHERYL BURKE’S dandruff, and White Oprah’s 100 proof boogers, I’d still say goodnight and close the door. I don’t think I’m alone in that either. I have a feeling that thousands of copies of this mess will get covered in more than just blood. Laminate it first!

via The Frisky

Watch Out, Beeeeehl

Either Snoop Dogg is a genuine fanboy who won’t even blow weed smoke towards the TV screen when True Blood is on or he needed a quick check, because he’s going hard for Sooookeh in this tribute music video to her. The only thing that would’ve made this better is if Snoop gave those back-up dancers in the broke down Kim Zolciak wigs the day off, and let Lafayette swish and drop his honey buns in the background instead.

(Thanks Grace)

Speaking of The Vapors….

Tell everyone in the office you’re taking a long break, close the door to your cubicle office, keep a box of tissues close and enjoy these covers of Details Magazine featuring the hot pieces from True Blood (sans Lafayette). Afterwards, write an apology note on a Post-It to the office cleaner letting them know that you accidentally got a little blue cheese dressing on your chair.

And if you need me, I’ll just be sitting here waiting for the coming of the multiple male orgasm.

Sookeh Is Bi

When I first read the headline, “True Blood Stars Says ‘I’m Bi-Sexual,‘ my genitals went numb thinking that Alexander Skarsgard announced to the world that everyone has a chance at his scalding hot Swedish blodkorv and meatballs! Well, my no-no will continue to hold its breath (don’t visual that), because ASkars isn’t the True Blood star who has come out as a bi-sexual. Anna Paquin is the one who announced that she loves the cock and the cooch.

In a PSA for the True Colors Fund, Sookeh proudly says, “I’m Anna Paquin. I’m bisexual, and I give a damn.” Radar has the video if you want to see it for yourself. A source also tells Radar that nobody at the shoot knew Anna was going to make that statement.

Sookeh is currently engaged to Vampire Beeeeeeehl.

Now back to Askars, we’re waiting…..