It’s “Dump On Gay Al” Month!

Gay Al has taken to his MySpace to blog about his divorce to Star Jones. Gay Al has asked all of us to walk in his shoes “for a few hours.” I would, but stilettos aren’t my flavor. Gay Al has the calves for those things. I don’t.

The post is long, so fly on over to Gay Al’s fairy kingdom if you want to read the whole thing. Here’s parts of it:

Dear Friends: If you think you are having a tough day, may I propose you walk in my shoes for a few hours. In my mind, it feels like “Dump on Al Month.” And I’m not having fun yet. I have been called a gigolo, a freeloader, unemployed, a sham and many other things that don’t bear repeating. People on television, radio and the internet have spoken disparagingly of my life, my sexuality, my career and my integrity. The media has barraged me (at my home), my friends, my family(including my 79 year old mother), my college classmates, my students and my professional colleagues. Yet, despite this intense level of provocation, I have said nothing. My Publicist has put out a one sentence statement: “We’re taking the high road.” And we have and will continue on that path. As much as I want to defend myself, it seems like a silly and futile exercise. It’s clear that the media doesn’t want to let the truth get in the way of a good story. I hate to ruin their fun. I take great comfort in the fact that my loved ones and those people who really know me continue to love and respect me. Thank you “all” for the endless emails, phone calls and words of encouragement. I know in my heart that I entered my marriage with love and the best of intentions and leave it with great sadness that it didn’t work.

What I want people to know is that I am not the caricature portrayed by the media. I am complex, contradictory and capable of great intelligence but also remarkable stupidity. In other words, I am a human being. To me, labels are for clothes, not people. So…..Please don’t try to define me; don’t try to categorize me; and most of all, don’t label me. Instead, JUST GET TO KNOW ME. And if you see me, just call me Al.

I’m pretty sure it’s “Dump on Al Day” once a month at The Loading Zone in Miami.

Aww…poor Gay Al! He has a friend in me. If homegirl ever called me crying, because his 12-man tag team party ran out of lube, I’d immediately drop my pancake sandwich and head on over with a fresh cup of WET for him to borrow. That’s what friends are for.

VIA People

It Wasn’t Portion Control & Pilates

Barbara Walters has a book out and in it she covers the lie she had to tell every day on the set of “The View.” Everyone knows Star Jones took a wet vac to her fat, but Star claimed for the longest time that she lost the weight from “portion control and pilates.”

Babs told Oprah yesterday that Star was so obese that she could barely walk on to the set. I once heard a funny rumor that Star’s fat ass couldn’t make it to the set without resting, so they placed a chair between her dressing room and the set. HA! I would have moved the chair one day and put a giant pizza in its place.

Babs said, “She decided to have a gastric bypass operation, but then she decided not to tell anybody. Then we had to lie on the set everyday because she said it was portion control and Pilates. Well, we knew it wasn’t portion control and Pilates.”

Babs also talked about Rosie O’Donnell’s “emotional issues.” She said that Rosie felt she was abandoned by her, because she didn’t back her up in Rosie’s girl fight with Donald Trump. Babs also said Rosie was used to being in control, “She had always driven the bus and she could not just ride the bus.” The short bus!

Unfortunately, Babs didn’t give us any juicy gossip on Hasselcrack! I just know that fake bitch is a kinky swinger who’s into sploshing.

Moving On

Star Jones was all smiles as she dined with a new piece in NYC last night. New piece is totally paid for. He has a look on his face like, “I hope the bitch knows I charge by the hour.” Yeah, Star. That means stop breaking lenses and get a move on. Your call boy has another client.

You know Gay Al was pissed when he saw these pictures. Star is wearing his special Farrah Fawcett wig! He was saving it one for Halloween and Star knew this. What a bitch!

Star & Dwayne Are Just Friends

Rumor has it that Star Jones has replaced Gay Al with married Miami Heat player Dwayne Wade. You know Gay Al is pissed! Dwayne was supposed to be HIS rebound.

Dwayne was asked about the rumors and he didn’t vomit. The man must have a strong stomach, because the chunks start coming up whenever I hear the name “Star Jones.” Here it comes! Grab the bucket.

Dwayne said on TNT’s Inside the NBA, “Star is an unbelievable woman. We have a great, great relationship. As friends. We’re friends, just like a lot of celebrities.” Kenny Smith, who was also a guest on the show, asked, “Are y’all close friends? … Are you the kind of friends that drink out of one cup with two straws? Those kind of friends?” Dwayne repeated, “We are friends. That’s all.”

Like Dwayne is really going to admit to cheating on his wife and kids with a slug!

In other slug news, Gay Al is “hurt and sad” about his divorce. A source told InTouch, “He did not want this divorce at all. He wanted to stay married. I think Star wanted the divorce, not Al.”

Big fucking DUH! Gay Al might be fruitier than Jamba Juice, but homegirl isn’t stupid. Of course he didn’t want to split with the woman that was paying for his solid gold butt plugs and sheepskin chaps!

Source: People

Try To Look Surprised

Star Jones has filed for divorce from Gay Al! SHOCKING! The two douches got married on November 13, 2004.

Entertainment Tonight reports that divorce was filed on March 26th by Starlet. The papers were marked as an “Uncontested Matrimonial” case by the court and the records were sealed.

She told ET, “Several years ago I made an error in judgment by inviting the media into the most intimate area of my life. A month ago I filed for divorce. The dissolution of a marriage is a difficult time in anyone’s life that requires privacy with one’s thoughts. I have committed myself to handling this situation with dignity and grace and look forward to emerging from this period as a stronger and wiser woman.”

In Star’s defense, she had to invite someone into her intimate area since Gay Al obviously wasn’t going to go there. He probably screamed “EWWWW” every time he caught a glimpse of her gina

YES! I hope this divorce gets as messy as Gay Al’s ass after a night at the bath houses. This is going to get good.

The Gay Divorce

Look at Gay Al trying to be all macho and shit. Girlfriend please. You don’t need to show me how your boyfriends fist your power bottom ass. I really don’t need to know and it doesn’t go with my morning Sanka.

So….The National Enquirer (via MSNBC) reports that the fairy (being Gay Al) tale marriage of Star Jones and Gay Al is over. And they said it wouldn’t last. Well, they were right! Gay Al has already moved out of their apartment and is living in Miami where he can freely prance around his speedo.

A source said, “They hadn’t been seeing eye to eye for months and had already spent a great deal of time apart. Finally, Star decided it was over. She told Al at the end of January that he had 30 days to get his act together or ‘get out.’”

Star never liked the fact that she was the breadwinner and support in the relationship, “I think Star felt Al had spent their marriage riding her success while she did all the heavy lifting. She resented it. Deep down, Star is a very old-fashioned woman who believes a man should support her emotionally, physically and financially. She now believes Al failed her.”

Of course she did all the heavy lifting. Gay Al didn’t want to ruin his manicure. If Star wanted all those things she probably should have married a man that didn’t like men. Just a thought.

Expect the denials any minute now. Gay Al will say, “Girrrrrrrrrllll, they are lying! Queens are just jelly! Mama Star and Queen Al are doing fiinnnee. We are fierce and we know it. Haters to the left….to the left!!”

Thanks Lauren