Who Was Sienna Miller Lingerie Shopping With?

Page Six is saying that Sienna Miller was out buying panties this week at Only Hearts in NYC with her ex-fuck buddy DJ Slinky Wizard. There were reports that Sienna recently left DJ Slinky’s ass on the curb, because she couldn’t deal with a long-distance relationship. It’s true. If Sienna’s genitals don’t get fed every 24 hours, we all suffer.

But some source seems to think Sienna and DJ Slinky rekindled their romance, because they acted like a couple while shopping at Only Hearts. The source added, “George was talking about how he was excited about their plans for the night.”

HOWEVER, Gawker claims Sienna was shopping at Only Hearts, but was with Balthazar Getty instead of DJ Slinky Wizard. Also, Sienna and Balthy were caught getting manicures together earlier this week.

So basically this is looking like Sienna’s vag never let go of Balthazar’s peen. Sienna was probably just using DJ Slinky Wizard to distract us all from the fact that she’s still fucking on Balthazar. That cunning slut.

It’s also looking like Balthazar loves polish on his nails and silk on his nalgas.

Our Homewrecking Hero Makes Her Broadway Debut

The wives of NYC got to breathe a sigh of relief for a few hours last night while Sienna Miller was busy doing acting stuff . Sienna gave her snatchin’ snatch the night off from stealing wedding bands to make her Broadway debut in After Miss Julie. The reviews are out and not everyone is jizzing words of praise for Sienna’s acting skills. Basically, most of the reviews go a little something like this: “Blah sucks blah wooden blah boring blah….but she’s hot.”

Here’s some of the reviews courtesy of The Daily Mail, People and Broadway World:

The New York Times: “If Julie is written as clashing chords of conflicted impulses, Ms Miller plays them like a novice at a piano, plunking down each note loudly and individually.”

The Associated Press: “Sienna Miller looks sensational: blonde hair done up in a quintessential 1940s ‘do, her trim figure wrapped in a pert floral print dress that shows off her great legs. The very model of a seducer awaiting to commence seduction … And there is a relentless quality to Sienna Miller’s performance, not terribly subtle or vulnerable, but compelling in its obsessiveness.”

Uh Oh

Sienna Miller is starring on Broadway right now with Jonny Lee Miller (that’s the Ex. Mr. Saint Angie to all of us) and the two went for a stroll yesterday with his son Buster and her dog. I should mention that Jonny Lee is MARRIED! Jonny’s wife Michele must be secure in her shit, because most wives would’ve had the SWAT Team, a dozen priests, several doctors from the CDC and the Cheaters camera crew on the scene at once. Sienna’s wrecking ball vag would’ve been served with a restraining order and Jonny’s peen would’ve been put in handcuffs. You do not fuck around with Sienna’s skills.

Even Jonny’s kid knows what she’s up to. Dude has his thumb up like, “Yeah, she’s a pro.”

SCRAGS BITCHES At The US Open

This might be some kind of record! Homewrecking hero Sienna Miller has been dating DJ Slinky Wizard (that name gives me the farts, still) for over a month! Yes, Sienna’s bull dozer vagina has been dormant for that long, because DJ Slinky Wizard isn’t married! You know the housing market is in the shits when even Sienna Miller isn’t touching it (GONG!).

And while DJ Slinky Wizard’s hotness registers at about 92 degrees on my scale, I hope Sienna doesn’t have to call him that during sexy times. Can you imagine screaming DJ Slinky’s name while he’s hitting it from the back? That’ll turn your fuck part into a sad face in 0 seconds flat.

The Devil At Her Premiere

Will someone please fetch Anna Wintour a glass of room temperature virgin’s blood, because I think she’s got a few of her intern’s souls stuck in her throat. It’s making her throat look obese. Heads will roll for this!

Here’s the cryptkeeper of Vogue wearing something that Mrs. Roper queefed up at the premiere of The September Issue in NYC last night. That shit is a documentary about the making of Vogue’s mighty September issue. Sienna Miller was there, because her vagina sensed large amounts of married dick in the area. And because she’s on the cover of Vogue next month.

Other hos at the premiere were Cassie (who was working a half “The Legend of Billie Jean” buzzcut), Marc Jacobs, his piece, Zac Posen, everyone’s favorite lemon-faced beard, Melania Trump, her big sack of money and Diddy.

SCRAGS BITCHES in Ibiza

I guess those OMGNOWTFCANTBE rumors that homewrecker hero Sienna Miller was freaking on a dude who doesn’t have a wife at home proved to be true. Sienna stuffed her wrecking crotch into a virginal white bikini to frolic on a yacht in Ibiza with her new piece, DJ Slinky Wizard. You know, the sluts of the world need to bow down to Sienna, because her skills of slutiness knows no bounds.

Bitch is a better slut than me, because I don’t know if I could suck face with a dude wearing a baby pink Yankees visor who goes by the name DJ Slinky Wizard. Let me clarify that: I don’t know if I could suck face with a dude like that outside of a rave and not under the influence of Ecstasy. But that’s not stopping Sienna. Sienna really makes me want to be a better slut. Get on that raver’s glowdick, Sienna!