But What Does Hugh Laurie Think Of This?

A story about Justin Timberlake going on a date with 2011’s Megan Fox, Olivia Wilde, could put a speed addicted insomniac into a coma, so focus on the photo bomber of my dreams Hugh Laurie when your nose starts to make a beeline for your keyboard. Let’s Hugh Laurie’s “Why am I the meat in this soggy sandwich?” face perk you up.

So Olivia Wilde’s divorce to that Italian prince dude isn’t yet final, but that hasn’t stopped her from getting on her Now costar Justin Timberlake (focusonhughlauriefocusonhughlaurie). People says that Jessica Biel’s impeccable strap-on game was the last thing on Justin’s mind at The Roxbury in Hollywood on Saturday night. A source says that Justin and Olivia showed up together in matching white t-shirts and jeans. They both drank vodka and “canoodled” in the VIP area. A different source tells UsWeekly that they were obviously on a date and Justin pretty much kept his hands on Olivia all night.

The rumor is that Olivia ended her marriage, because she was bored of tasting the same ole’ Italian peen all time and wanted to sew her wild oats with the pubes of a dozen one-night stands. Basically, Olivia wants to be a certified slut since she never got the chance. Since then she’s been linked to Ryan Gosling and now Justin Timberlake. Olivia just has to reverse her chocha into Gerard Butler, slam the gas into Jude Law and she’ll be right on schedule! Just follow the Sienna Miller map, Olivia, and you’ll be well on your way.

Meanwhile, you probably haven’t read one word of this shit, because you haven’t taken your eyes off of Hugh Laurie. You made the right decision.

Bitch Got Upstaged By A Simple O-Face

Lady Caca spent hours in the fuckery chair this morning getting leftover pieces of Klingon meat glued to her face and Poochie’s freshly hacked up hair ball sewn into the side of her head, and yet my eyes still flutter directly towards the Bettie Page beauty OMG-ing with every muscle in her face. Sometimes all the latex-wrapped cowboy foolery in the world can’t compete against something as simple as the letters W-T-F graffitied over a woman’s face. Take note, Caca.

There’s a good reason for why Caca looks like The Flying Nun after crashing face first into the Trojan factory. She was on Good Morning America today to promote the MAC Viva Glam campaign and talk about HIV/AIDS awareness and prevention. Personally, I’d rather she talk about why the deconstructed Choco Taco on her head doesn’t have any nuts or chocolate on it, but that’s just me. Here’s the morning gospel according to Gaga:

Dressed like a condom? If I opened up a condom wrapper and found that staring back at me, I’d drop it immediately, wipe the Crisco off my ass crack, pull my pants up, get off the alley way ground, tip the hustler something extra and shuffle home to kneel under a cold shower while thinking about my life choices. So Gaga isn’t really promoting safe sex by dressing up like a dick glove. She’s promoting abstinence!

The Pouty Dude In The Background Is Saying It All

File this directly under: Brenda Walsh never had to do this kind of shit! Here’s this generation’s Audrey Landers, AnnaLynne McCord, in Avatar drag on the set of 90210 in Los Angeles yesterday afternoon. Even though AnnaLynne looks like she just finished marinating in a kiddie pool filled with Ty-D-Bol and Vanity Smurf’s extra sweet nectar, this is probably the least amount of make-up she’s worn in her entire lifetime!!!

A Star Is Born On The Today Show

On Today this morning, a sad story about a family’s Christmas without their father and husband, who died in Afghanistan, turned into a one-kid show when Keegan Roberts put the sadness on pause by dancing in front of the cameras. Keegan can’t help it. When the red light on the camera goes on, the music in his head turns on and the wick on his fingers and toes light.

Keegan gave the camera JAZZ HANDS!!!!, spirit fingers, monster claws (blame Lady GaGa) and high potent doses of attitude. A standing ovation is appropriate here. And I don’t know why anyone asked Keegan what he wants for Christmas, because it’s pretty obvious. Keegan wants a camera! YouTube, brace yourself.

The way this world works, Keegan will have a contract with YouTube, a booked guest appearance on the Ellen Degeneres’ show and a manager by the end of the day. Willow Smith and Justin Bieber will OPEN for Keegan on his European tour next March.

I See You!

St. Angie Jo was so focused on dropping a thank you note (written with slow loris venom and pressed paper made of SARS) to Chelsea Handler into the post office box that she completely failed to the notice the adoring fan trying to get a picture of her to see if vampires show up in photographs or not. But I noticed her ass. BOOM!

But seriously, I’m sure the fan just wanted to get a picture of the front of Angie’s Snuggle Bear slit dress. A dress that will later be used to warm a dozen orphans on the verge of hypothermia.

Here’s more Angie Jo, Almost Billy Goat Brad (thumbnail #7 is my new wallpaper for everything) and Johnny Depp at the NYC premiere of The Tourist tonight. Even though Johnny insists on dressing like Diane Keaton at a Bonnie & Clyde costume party, I forever would.

Emma Roberts Gets CROC BLOCKED

Doesn’t it just put a shit on your day when a dude in a crocodile mask steals your shine? Although, the hot piece with the third-degree Heidi Fleiss face (see thumbnail #5) is giving Croc Dude some serious competition.