Category: O.J. Simpson
Martin Sheen Is Making A Docuseries That Tries To Prove That O.J. Simpson Is Innocent
I’ll start by saying that, no, this isn’t Martin Sheen’s idea of an April Fool’s Day prank. President Bartlet really believes that O.J. Simpson is innocent of the 1994 murders of Nicole Brown Simpson and Ronald Goldman, – like, not just “not guilty“, but actually for-real innocent – and he wants to prove it with a true crime TV show.
According to The Hollywood Reporter, Martin Sheen will executive produce a six-part docuseries titled Hard Evidence: O.J. Is Innocent for Investigation Discovery. THR says that O.J. Is Innocent will reveal new evidence (finally, the star-making vehicle the rusty buried knife deserves!) and cover a new hypothesis as to what happened on the night of the murders. Most of it will be based on a book by a Texas private investigator called O.J. Is Innocent and I Can Prove It, which literally sounds like the name of a Facebook group for O.J. Simpson murder conspiracy theorists. Martin Sheen will also narrate the series. He says he hopes that O.J. Is Innocent will help answer the following three questions:
“What if there were enough evidence that proved O.J. Simpson did not murder his ex-wife Nicole or Ron Goldman? What if the real killer were still at large? And finally, what if a grand jury convened to reconsider the case based on new evidence.”
“Eh, just as long as it doesn’t take away the reason why we’re famous, go nuts” said the Kardashians.
I already see one major problem with that title. If Sarah Paulson’s frustrated Marcia Clark chain smoking on American Crime Story: The People v. O.J. Simpson have taught me anything, it’s that the words “evidence” and “O.J. is innocent” sort of cancel each other out. Maybe Martin could fix that by throwing a question mark on the end, like Hard Evidence: O.J. Simpson Is Innocent?. Or just rename the whole thing: If He Didn’t Do It: Like, Guys, It’s Totally Possible, Right?
Pic: Wenn.com
So, O.J. Simpson Was Right About That “If The Knife Is Rusted, I Can’t Be Busted” Shit
Last week, we all said, “Damn, FX’s marketing department doesn’t fuck around,” when the LAPD announced that they were doing tests on a rusty knife that was allegedly found buried on O.J. Simpson’s old property in Brentwood. The story went that a construction worker found it years ago and brought it to an off-duty traffic cop who was working private security on a film set across the street. The off-duty cop, who is now retired, claims he called it into the LAPD, but a supervisor blew it off. The off-duty cop held onto it for years and when he recently told a friend in the LAPD’s Robbery and Homicide Division about it, the friend’s supervisors made him hand that shit over. The knife is reportedly covered in rust. When The Juice found out about it, he apparently said, “If the knife is rusted, I can’t be busted.” Get it? The asshole was right.
Well, Well, Well, The LAPD Is Testing A Knife That May Have Been Buried On O.J. Simpson’s Property Years Ago (UPDATE)
UPDATE: TMZ says that the cop in this story claims that he did call the LAPD right after the construction worker gave him the knife in 2002. The cop retired from the LAPD in 1998. A supervisor at the West L.A. division of the LAPD apparently told the retired cop that the case is closed since O.J. was acquitted. The supervisor didn’t care about the knife so the cop took it him. The LAPD is currently investigating as to whether he made that call or not. And here we are….
Let’s say you’re an LAPD cop earning some extra coins on your off-duty hours by working security on a film set that happens to be across from O.J. Simpson’s old estate in Brentwood, CA. Let’s also say that while you’re working, a construction worker comes up to you and shows you a knife he found buried on O.J.’s property. What do you do:
– You drop everything and take it to the police. Because common sense tells you that you may be holding an important piece of evidence since O.J. Simpson’s ex-wife Nicole Brown Simpson and her friend Ron Goldman were both stabbed to death in 1994 with a knife and the murder weapon was never found.
or:
– You decide to redefine the meaning of “buffoonery” by holding onto the knife for years. Then after keeping it in your box of keepsakes for years, you pull it out and decide to have it framed and engraved at the mall store Things Remembered Possible Murder Weapons Remembered, so you ask your friend in the LAPD Robbery Homicide Division for the department record number of the Simpson/Goldman murder case.
The officer of this possibly true story went with the second option. If this story was a Choose Your Adventure book and you went with the second option, on the page you turned to would be the words: You just failed! Close this book and immediately go to a corner to reevaluate your life choices.