Multiple Women Have Accused Mario Batali Of Sexual Harassment And Assault

Looks like making Crocs happen isn’t the worst thing celebrity chef Mario Batali is guilty of. Eater is reporting that the rotund redhead with rosacea has been behaving badly for decades and will be stepping down from his duties at his many restaurants as well as from Batali & Bastianich Hospitality Group, the restaurant management services company he co-founded with Joe and Lidia Bastianich. He’s also been asked to step away from his co-hosting duties on ABC’s The Chew. Are you ready to lose your appetite? Here are some of the details.

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Crocs Must Lip-Synch For Their Life

The go-to footwear for Mario Batali and Memaws and Pepaws at The Villages in Florida (how else would they shuffle between old timer sex parties??) is on life support!

The New York Post reports Crocs got slapped back from the patent folks after spending years suing rivals for stealing their design… this is kind of like when you hear someone is trying to steal your eccentric uncle’s ’82 El Camino. Sometimes you just let a broad take that shit! The brand is also cutting back on how many stores it runs: Continue reading

Open Post: Hosted By The Evil King Of Crocs Flipping Us Off

One of Satan’s most-devoted minions Mario Batali was in Portofino, Italy with his family yesterday and he terrorized the people by wearing the Ninth Circle’s official footwear of choice CROCS! The ginger look-alike of Comic Book Guy from The Simpsons wears Crocs so much that I bet his hooves have molded to their shape. Mario’s feet probably look like skin Crocs, and now I want to cut a hole in my skull and pour boiling holy water onto my brain until the image of skin Crocs has been cleansed from it.

And Mario throwing us the middle finger is redundant and he shouldn’t have bothered. Because nothing says, “Fuck you, I hate you, I want your eyeballs to die,” like wearing Crocs in public.

Pics: Splash

Goopy Paltrow Is Doing The Food Stamps Challenge

I know, too easy. TOO easy.

Up until not too long ago, I’m guessing that Goopy Paltrow thought that “food stamps” was a type of artisanal stamp ink that a Dutch artisan made using organic heirloom purple dragon carrots grown with Arabian horse manure and imported iceberg water. But then her good friend and Spanish eatin’ tour partner Mario Batali told her what food stamps really are and told her about how he raises awareness of the struggles people on SNAP benefits (formerly known as food stamps) face while trying to feed a family on such little money.

Mario Batali is on the Food Bank For New York City board and he’s fighting to keep congress from continuing to cut benefits. To help raise awareness, Mario asked New Yorkers and his fancy, privileged rich friends to do the #FoodBankNYCChallenge. Mario challenged them to feel the plight of the poor by only spending $29 per person (which is what people on SNAP get) a week on food. There’s rules for this challenge too. They can use coupons, but they can’t get food from others or use food they already have. Lord, fuck, you know some evil TV executive is looking at Mario’s challenge and thinking about how they’re going to pitch a reality show where a rich bitch and a poor person switch lives for a week. They’ll call it Class Swap and everybody will learn something from it, of course.

Mario asked The Out Of Touch Club’s president Goopy Paltrow to do the #FoodBankNYCChallenge, because he knew the kind of attention that’d get. Goopy is doing it and today, she tweeted all the groceries she bought for only $29. Goopy is trying to be healthy and shit, but it’s pretty impossible to be healthy on a $29 a week budget (which I guess is her point).

Is that for a family of rabbits? Is it for an Olsen? I mean, kale?! Cilantro?! Where are the packages of Top Ramen? Where’s the chicken? Where’s the 5lb bag of rice from the Asian supermarket? And all those limes. I know she has a lime tree and if she doesn’t, she can make little Moses hop the wall over to the neighbor’s yard to steal their limes. But she should tell him to throw the limes over before the guard dog gets him.

Well, I guess Goopy is going on one of her cleanses this week. She’s going to survive only on jalapeño and garlic elixirs and lime and kale enemas. The rest is for the purifying salsa face mask she’s going to make. I can’t wait for her new GOOP post about the SNAP cleanse.

It’s A Sad Day For Mario Batali

Add Crocs to your Steve Buscemi-approved kill list if the company isn’t already on it, because they’re trying to shut down Mario Batali’s special brand of sexy.

According to Eater, Crocs is pissing all over Mario’s love by discontinuing the signature orange Bistro and Bistro Vent clogs he has worn since his wife gave him a pair when he opened his first restaurant. You kind of have to wonder how that moment went down. “Congratulations on all your success! Here are a pair of shoes guaranteed to not get you laid by me or anyone else!” We see you, Mrs. Batali. That’s one way to keep cute hostesses from sniffing around your man, as if every other damn thing Mario visually has to offer wasn’t already a deterrent.

Mario went and bought himself 200 pairs of the discontinued Crocs to hold him over for a while, which proves two things. One, his loyalty to fuckugly footwear is unmatched. Two, I’m just going to go ahead and believe he is that dedicated to making Gwyneth Paltrow cringe when he shows up at her house looking like a toddler whose mom gave up the power struggle over clothes and let him dress himself. She probably waves her hand and says, “Oh, that’s just Mario!” in an Italian accent she has spent hours in front of the mirror practicing before she slips away to leave her assistant a note asking her to Google the temperature at which hideous rubber footwear burns.

200 pairs of shoes may sound excessive, but Mario doesn’t fuck around with things he’s passionate about. When asked what he would want for his last supper, he said it would take 15 years and 753 courses. The prison system had better cross their balls that there aren’t any foodies locked up on death row because Mario just suggested the most gluttonous stay of execution of all time.

(Note from Michael: I just printed out that picture, held up it and screamed, “Fight the REAL enemy,” before tearing it up. “Mario Batali” must be Italian for dark-sided Satan worshiper, because he is on the wrong side of EVIL for keeping CROCS alive!)

(Photo: Wenn)