Crocs Must Lip-Synch For Their Life

August 14, 2017 / Posted by:

The go-to footwear for Mario Batali and Memaws and Pepaws at The Villages in Florida (how else would they shuffle between old timer sex parties??) is on life support!

The New York Post reports Crocs got slapped back from the patent folks after spending years suing rivals for stealing their design… this is kind of like when you hear someone is trying to steal your eccentric uncle’s ’82 El Camino. Sometimes you just let a broad take that shit! The brand is also cutting back on how many stores it runs:

“But late last week the US Patent and Trademark Office rejected Crocs’ patent argument, which is a major blow to the already struggling footwear company. The decision was first reported by Footwear News.

Amid declining sales, Colorado-based Crocs is closing 160 stores over the next two years, slimming down to 400 stores.”

The patent peeps apparently told Crocs they were not an original and a second company had applied for a similar patent a year before they did. Every shopping center in America must be heralding the fact that they won’t have to put up with that plastic shoe foot stank anymore! The shoe company’s revenue dipped to $313 million last quarter, but apparently, that’s an improvement as to how things started this year.

I’m sure Mario is probably hitting up his brand-loving BFF Gwyneth Paltrow hard right now saying, “I did NOT go on an Spanish road trip with you and hear all about the importance of 9000-thread-count sheets for nothing, bitch. Put this on GOOP and save my soles!” Since they aren’t waxed with Moroccan bird feces or lacquered in jade, she surely said no. Poor Mario, first the doctors came for his beloved foot canoes saying they aren’t as good for the feet as some claim, and now this. A resolution better happen fast: Crocs only cost $30 or so. Mozzarella, tomato, and basil is expensive enough as-is when I go into Eataly. We better not have it get more expensive just so he can switch foot fashion up to lez it up in $150 Birkenstocks in his kitchens!


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