Giuliana Rancic Says She Knows She’s Really, Really Skinny

One of the lone hosts standing at Fashion Police tells People Magazine that she hears it loud and clear when people say she’s skinnier than a praying mantis’ right nipple (Yes, praying mantises have nipples. I saw this on Planet Earth, ok”) and she also thinks she’s super thin and doesn’t like. Giuliana says that there’s no reason to give her a copy of Tracey Gould’s book Room To Grow, because she doesn’t have an eating disorder and she also says that she eats more than all of her friends. Cut to Giuliana eating with all her friends, who are birds.

Giuliana Rancic says that she’s talking about it now, because the comments about her have gotten out of hand and she wants people to know what’s going on.

“Some people were saying, ‘The cancer is probably back.’ And they were accusing me of every eating disorder. I thought to myself, ‘God, if someone really thought I had an eating disorder, what a horrible way to approach it.'”

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E! Is Pressing The Pause Button On Fashion Police

To the surprise of absolutely nobody, E! has realized that nobody really wants to watch Giuliana Rancic suck the life out of the room while Brad Goreski nervously giggles for 30 minutes. Fashion Police was supposed to come back later this month and after Kathy Griffin quit that bitch, Melissa Rivers was going to temporarily take her place, but that’s not going to happen anymore. E! announced tonight that Fashion Police is going on hiatus and will spend the next few months getting nipped, tucked, pulled, waxed, shaved and Botoxed. They’re going to revamp the show and find new asses to sit in the chairs that Kathy and Kelly Osbourne left empty. If Brad doesn’t also jump ship and find another gig, he’ll be back. Ghouliana will also be back, because she probably has some shit on Ryan Seacrest so E! will never let her go.

E! spit out this statement:

E!’s comedy series Fashion Police is going on hiatus and will return in September. We look forward to taking this opportunity to refresh the show before the next awards season. Our talented co-hosts Giuliana Rancic and Brad Goreski, along with Executive Producer Melissa Rivers, will continue their roles as we evolve the show into its next chapter for the legions of Fashion Police fans around the world.

Now that Fashion Police is going away for a while and has left a blank space in E!’s schedule, they can finally do what’s right and bring back their greatest piece of work. I’m talking about the artistic masterpiece that was Sunset Tan (aka the shit show that maybe 2 of you remember).

Jeff Bozz (the spawn of an overgrown Oompa Loompa and a bottle of Affliction butt spray on the left) and his electrocuted porcupine hair will save the day!

“Fashion Police” Was Too Mean For Kathy Griffin So She Quit That Bitch

Well, that lasted about as long as my patience while watching Ghouliana Rancid interview anybody on the red carpet. When Kathy Griffin said that she signed up to be the head bitch of the Fashion Police, I figured she was doing it for Joan Rivers and didn’t think she would last more than a year, because when you think of fashion, the last ho you think of is Kathy Griffin. Actually, the last ho you think of is Kanye West, so Kathy Griffin is second to last. But well, she lasted a lot less longer than a year.

About two weeks after Kelly Osbourne sashayed out of the exit door and a quick minute after Kathy said that she wouldn’t tell the “patchouli and weed” joke that Ghouliana made about Zendaya, she declared on Facebook tonight that she’s completely over Fashion Police. In a post where she said her age and how many awards she’s won, Kathy said that she doesn’t want to take part in a shit fest where bitches drag people’s looks. Kathy thought Fashion Police was just going to be about making fun of dresses. So basically, it feels like Kathy spread her legs, squatted over Ghouliana and let out a wet queef.

E! says that when Fashion Police comes back on March 30th, Melissa Rivers will take over for Kathy and both Ghouliana and Brad Goreski will be back. Kelly has already thrown some support at Kathy by tweeting a picture of them touching tongues.

Now Kathy Griffin is free to do a gossip show on CNN with Anderson Cooper where she’ll tell rim jokes and he’ll giggle out of his jock strap.

Joan Rivers was Fashion Police, but of course E! is going to try to keep that shit alive. I don’t even know why they’re bothering bringing Melissa Rivers on for one episode. Why postpone the inevitable? They’re obviously going to replace Kathy with Kanye West and replace the rest with Kim, Kourtney and Khloe. The entire show will be Kanye worshipping his looks while Kummy, the Slow One and Khlozilla take turns sucking on his ass lips. I don’t know what E! is waiting for?

Kelly Osbourne Is Done With Fashion Police

My vote for Kelly’s replacement is Giggy Vanderpump! But Kathy, Giuliana and Brad would never agree to that, because Giggy would take all the attention away from their asses, obviously.

After all the smoke and fuckery cleared from that Zendaya mess, I kind of thought if anybody was going to make their way out of the Fashion Police exit door, it would be Ghouliana Rancid. But TMZ says that Kelly Osbourne has made good on her threat to quit the show.

After Zendaya slapped at Giuliana for joking about how her dreads must smell like patchouli and weed, Kelly Osbourne squeezed herself right into the middle by going on an ALL-CAPS rant on Twitter where she threatened to quit Fashion Police over what was said. When Giuliana released another apology, Kelly calmed down on the CAPS and tweeted this: “It takes a strong women to apologize & makes a forgiving women even stronger!” But TMZ says that even though Giuliana apologized and Zendaya accepted her apology, Kelly bolted anyway.

Apparently, the producers started having problems with Kelly as soon as the first episode without Joan Rivers taped. Kelly didn’t like the way the show was being produced and the producers were over her. Kelly quit today. E! queefed up this statement of words about Kelly’s exit:

“Kelly Osbourne is departing E!s Fashion Police to pursue other opportunities, and we would like to thank her for her many contributions to the series over the past five years, during which time the show became a hit with viewers. Fashion Police will return, as scheduled, on Friday, March 30th at 9:00 p.m. and no decisions have been made on her replacement.”

“Other opportunities.” Oh shit, she’s totally going to replace Jon Stewart on The Daily Show. Or maybe she’s replacing Brian Williams.

E! is really pulling our dicks with that “no decisions have been made on her replacement” shit. We all know who Kelly’s replacement is going to be. E! better up Fashion Police’s budget, because they’re going to need a few animal trainers on set since Khloe Kardashian is obviously going to replace Kelly. E! should just fire everyone on Fashion Police, change the name to Kardashian Police and have that show be nothing but Kim, Khloe and Kourtney jacking off to their red carpet photos of the week. That’s what Fashion Police is eventually going to become.

And Giuliana better hide… Because if Ozzy Osbourne comes to the set to defend his daughter, who knows what he’ll do when he sees Giuliana’s bird-looking ass. We all know what Ozzy did to that dove…

Giuliana Rancic Apologizes Again For Saying That Zendaya Must Smell Like “Patchouli Oil” And “Weed”

In case you haven’t been keeping up with this Fashion Police mess, the living E! exclamation point named Giuliana Rancic made a joke on Fashion Police about how Zendaya must smell like patchouli oil and weed because she has dreads. A shit storm courtesy of Twitter came at her and Zendaya eventually wrote a response saying that she was offended by Giuliana’s joke. Giuliana apologized on Twitter and said that wasn’t being racist. She was just commenting on Zendaya’s “bohemian chic” look. (Side note: I’m still laughing at that “bohemian chic” bullshit. The next time someone complains about me smelling like weed. I’m going to tell them it’s “bohemian chic, honey. Get with it.”)

Kelly Osbourne also decided to jump in and she went off in a Kanye-approved ALL-CAPS rant on her Twatter where she said that she’s Zendaya’s friend, she doesn’t co-sign racism and she’s “SEREIOULSY QUESTIONONIG” staying on Fashion Police. I’m not sure it’s smart to threaten to walk from a job that doesn’t need you, especially when there’s a Kartrashian waiting in the wings to replace you.

After all that, the publicists at E! finally put together a statement and made Ghouliana read it in front of a camera:

“I’d really like to address something that is weighing very heavy on my heart. I want to apologize for a comment I made on last night’s Fashion Police on Zendaya’s hair. As you know, Fashion Police is a show that pokes fun at celebrities in good spirit, but I do understand that something I said last night did cross the line. I just want everyone to know that I didn’t intend to hurt anybody, but I’ve learned it is not my intent that matters, it is the result. And the result is that people are offended including Zendaya and that is not okay. Therefore, I want to say to Zendaya, and anyone else out there I have hurt, that I am so sincerely sorry. This has been a learning experience for me. I’ve learned a lot today. This incident has taught me to be a lot more aware of cliches and stereotypes. How much damage they can do. I am responsible, as we all are, to not perpetuate them further.”

You know, if you look past Ghouliana and squint, you can almost see a tiny patch of frosted blond hair bouncing up and down over those bushes. It’s obviously Ryan Seacrest doing a victory jig and cackling over Ghouliana and Fashion Police’s demise. I knew that shifty little leprechaun was behind this!

Giuliana Rancic Got A Whole Lot Of Shit Thrown At Her For Saying That Zendaya’s Hair Must Smell Like Patchouli And Weed

Twitter pulled out a jumbo can of RAID last night and sprayed it at Giuliana Rancid when she joked on Fashion Police’s Oscar episode about how Disney star Zendaya must smell like patchouli oil and weed because she’s got dreadlocks. The fighting bell rang as soon as those words came out of Giuliana’s mouth and Twitter put on their boots to stomp on her.

During last night’s episode, they brought Zendaya’s picture on the screen and after Kelly Osbourne (who wants you to know that she’s Zenday’s friend, okay) said some words about her friend’s dress, Giuliana talked about her hair. Note: The back-and-forth ahead may make you miss Joan Rivers:

Kelly: It’s slightly bridal when she could be the one who made the biggest statement on the carpet if it was played right, because she’s done it time and time again. This girl is about to make it big time.

Ghouliana: I love Zendaya’s style and I love when she has the little hair. She has such a tiny frame that this hair to me overwhelms her. I feel like she smells like patchouli oil, or weed.

Kathy: Yeah, maybe weed. It’s legal in so many states now.

Ghouliana: Yeah, it’s so legal.

I’d rather smell like patchouli and weed (come to think of it, I probably do smell like patchouli and weed, along with pork rinds and strawberry shampoo) than dirty Kardashian asshole, wet leaves, spray paint and teeth bleach, which is probably the scent that hits your nostrils when Giuliana walks by you. When Kylie Jenner got dreadlocks, Giuliana apparently called them “edgy,” so some slapped the racist label on her for saying that Zendaya looks like a dirty hippie. Zendaya, who has been on Fashion Police before, wrote a response to Giuliana on Instagram:

Giuliana took a minute to pry her lips off of a Kardashian’s ass to respond to Zendaya with this hilarious apology:

BOHEMIAN CHIC?! The hell is she talking about?  I didn’t know that Giuliana has an ass, but I guess she does, because that’s where she pulled that apology from.

Pics: Wenn.com