Someone On “Modern Family” Is Going To Be Killed Off

Oh they’re all smiling now. But just wait until one of them gets a script that’s only two pages long and a note for makeup that reads: “Corpse-y, but not like, ghoulish.”

Modern Family is rumored to be ending after its tenth or possibly eleventh season. Show creators Steve Levitan and Christopher Lloyd said at the beginning of this year that they’d like the show to leave on a huge ratings-grabbing high note, like a birth, a death, or a wedding. I was hoping the show would end with Haley Dunphy reuniting with her older, denim-slinging dirtbag boyfriend Kenny and getting married in matching jean outfits. But it looks like they’re going with a death, and it’s going to happen sooner than at the end of the series.

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Random IS Bethenny Frankel Dating Eric Stonestreet

In the “Examples of RANDOM” section in the Merriam-Webster dictionary, you will find this*:

Charlize Theron dating Eric Stonestreet from Modern Family.

Starting today, you will also find this in the same section**:

Bethenny Frankel dating Eric Stonestreet from Modern Family.

The neurotic Joker turned low-cal booze mogul usually dates bland skinnies (see: her estranged husband) and brow-less bags of muscles, so I guess she decided that wasn’t working for her and switched it up. E! News claims that Bethenny Frankel of The Really Crazy Wrecks Of New York City is motorboating the Cam from Modern Family. Some source says that Bethenny and Eric Stonestreet have been hanging out for months and last Monday they were at a Dodgers game in L.A. together. BUT WAIT! Bethenny farted up the hashtag “somanyboyfriendssolittletime” on Twatter today and said that she was in the Hamptons on the day she was supposedly at a Dodgers game in L.A. UsWeekly also says that Bethenny isn’t bumping her pussy bone against Eric Stonestreet’s FUPA.

What to believe?! My head is spinning like Ramona Singer’s after turtle time.

Thankfully, the publicists’ megaphone known as People is here to clear things up. Some source tells People that Bethenny and Eric are friends who are “having fun.”

“They are talking and they have been friends since they met at CAA upfront party in April. He is in L.A. and she is in the Hamptons. They are hanging out. They are having fun and she likes his company.”

In other words, every now and again, Bethenny smears Skinny Girl lube all over her Joker snatch and takes a ride on Stonestreet.

This match isn’t the worst. Eric does have his own money, so if they ever get married, Bethenny doesn’t have to worry about him trying to take her money and leaving her homeless (aka living in 5-star hotel suites). They probably won’t ever fight either. Eric was on Howard Stern a while ago and he said he was addicted to Tinder and bragged about his hook-ups. So while Bethenny verbally gnaws on his last nerve about whatever, Eric can just nod his head as he swipes to find the next trick who wants to fuck the non-ginger gay guy from Modern Family.

* I’m lying

** I’m lying again

Pic: Getty