Burke Ramsey Will Throw A Lawsuit At CBS Over Their JonBenet Special

This December will be the 20th anniversary of JonBenet Ramsey’s murder, so a ton of networks did an investigative Making A Murderer-type special about it. A&E, Investigation Discovery and Dateline NBC aired specials, but it’s CBS’ two-part, four-hour documentary,  The Case of: JonBenét Ramsey, that made the Ramsey family call up their lawyer. At the end of CBS’ special, the experts declared that they believe that 6-year-old JonBenet’s 9-year-old brother Burke Ramsey killed her, and the Ramsey family doesn’t like that at all.

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Xtina’s Duet With A Hologram Whitney Houston Isn’t Creepy At All (UPDATE)

On this Monday’s season finale of The Voice, they will show something absolutely nobody asked for: a duet between Christina Aguilera and a Whitney Houston hologram. Xtina sort of hinted that this was going to happen, but said she couldn’t say anything. It was supposed to be a surprise, but someone spoiled it by leaking the entire performance to the Internet. As for who leaked it….. I wouldn’t be surprised if the ghost of Nippy got revenge on NBC for doing this dark-sided shit by taking over the body of an intern and forcing them to leak it. If there’s an intern at NBC who suddenly has a stubborn doody bubble that needs popping, they now know why.

Xtina and Fake Whitney do two songs together: “I Have Nothing” and “I’m Every Woman.” Get this Hell To The No shit while you can (you may be able to find some clips here if that video comes down):

NBC must have been on a serious budget. It looks like they went to Holograms ‘R Us and when they saw the price for Whitney, they went, “errrr,” so they looked at the price for a “Katy Perry in bad Jody Watley drag” hologram and thought, “Close enough!”

UPDATE: TMZ says that the unholy duet will not see the light of TV screens. Whitney Houston’s estate apparently has eyes, because they noticed that the hologram doesn’t look anything like her and told NBC to not air it.

The Porn Iguana Tried To Summon The Spirit Of Michael Jackson, And It Worked!

And judging by that SANS FARDS picture of the aftermath, Courtney Stodden also summoned the spirit of Angelica Pickles’ busted down Cynthia doll. Because The Porn Iguana definitely looks like Angelica Pickles used her to beat Tommy in the head before running over her with a tricycle.

Last night, the air in Southern California smelled like burnt plastic, and I figured that one of the Kartrashians farted again. But now I know what really happened. When you’re Courtney Stodden and you mix together massive amounts of Trader Joe’s wine, dark magic and a thirst for likes, you end up with a crispy fried rayon weave. Courtney and her purple rhinestone of a friend Sham Ibrahim held a seance on Periscope last night and tried to get Michael Jackson’s spirit to moonwalk into their presence. It worked, because Ghost Michael Jackson busted out a reboot of his Pepsi commercial on Courtney’s head:

Ok so during a seance to contact Michael Jackson, my hair went up in flames. I feel MJ had my curls catch fire as a sign he was there. His hair caught fire while filming a Pepsi commercial 🔥

A video posted by Courtney A Stodden (@courtneyastodden) on Apr 4, 2016 at 11:40am PDT

Maybe that wasn’t the spirit of Michael Jackson at all. Maybe it was Lucifer who took that open portal into Courtney’s house because he was coming to drag one of his minions, Doug Hutchison, down into the underworld with him. Or maybe it was Marilyn Monroe slapping at The Porn Iguana for wet scooting over her image time and time again. Yeah, that has to be it.

Pics: Splash, @CourtneyStodden