Fighting Cholas On Amazing Race

Last night, I was busy doing hood rat stuff and being gross when I checked my e-mail and found that a few of you whores had written me with the subject: FIGHTING CHOLAS ON AMAZING RACE. I immediately turned on the TV and expected to see those Amazing Race hobags in a Sharpie fight with some gorgeous chola beauties named Smiley Girl or Baby Gigglez. Unfortunately, this was not the case.

They had to fight with wrestling cholas from Bolivia! They were still hot, but all natural and shit. There’s a difference. It was still entertaining, but I was a little disappointed that Tina (below) didn’t do the challenge. I mean, if you dye her hair dark burgundy and trace her no-brows with a Sharpie, she’ll kind of look like one. Her chola name can be La Bitch Face.

Try Again

Fashion designer Kris Van Assche showed his new collection in Paris the other day and you would never ever guess what his inspiration was. His collection was loosely (very loosely) inspired by gorgeous cholita beauties! The hell?! Kris included teardrop tattoos, tank tops and boxer shorts which he said was influenced by cholitas. I’m sorry, but I don’t even get the slightest whiff of a Sharpie in any of these pictures.

Homeboy and I need to take a trip down to Echo Park, CA, so that we can hang with my cousins and he can see what real cholita glamour is. Where’s the white wife beater, the hickeys on the cheek and neck, the oversized Dickeys and the nameplate necklace? I see none of that! He could have at least added a “Smile Now, Cry Later” t-shirt. Something! The eyebrows aren’t even right. I give him a couple of dildo slaps for trying, but it’s not quite there.

Kris, please watch this clip from one of the greatest movies ever made “Mi Vida Loca” and then try again.

Visit Style.com to see more pictures from Kris’ Spring ’09 collection.

TGIF!!!

This is a screenshot taken from inside my head. A gorgeous chola (and slightly goth) beauty serving pancakes at IHOP? What more do you need? I could live in this picture for the rest of my days. I just want to curl up in one of those booths, watch that waitress all day long and breathe in the sickly sweet aroma of butter pecan syrup. Beautiful.

And now, I must say how sowwy I am for the lack of posts today and yesterday. I’ve been trying to fight this raggedy ass cold. I went to the doctor this afternoon and he gave me a lap dance. No, I wish. He’s hot. Anyway, he gave me a bunch of party favors, told me to drink more booze and to lay down a lot. Okay, he didn’t tell me about the booze part. But it can’t hurt? Everyone knows alcohol kills germs.

This means that the weekend will also be pretty light. By the power of Chicken Cutlets, I promise that shit will be back to normal on Monday.

xoMichael K

Thanks for the beautiful picture, Jenni!

Sad News For Starbuckers

I’m going to try and achieve the impossible by not mentioning a certain “Cheeto-loving redneck” in this post about Starbucks. I will probably grit my teeth down to little razors by the end of this post, but I like a good challenge. Oh and I also love a good chola picture. These stunning chola beauties look so happy holding their $5 coffees. They have no idea what’s coming….

Starfucks announced that they will be closing 600 stores and cutting 12,000 jobs due. Don’t worry, there’s still ten million Starbucks shacks for you to choose from. In January, they announced they were only closing around 100 stores. The HBIC of Starbucks said they are mostly closing locations near another Starbucks. Great, this means I won’t be able to get a $10 Venti Frapp on every other corner anymore? What in the shit shit am I going to do?

Wait….I just realized that not only 600 Starbucks are closing, but also 600 available bathrooms. FUCK! Starbucks is one of the only joints that has a public bathroom that doesn’t look and smell like Tommy Girl’s sex dungeon.

And guess what?! I didn’t mention “you know who” in this entire post! A Frapp pop for me! I’m not going to lie. Their Frapp pops are pretty fucking delicious.

Bad News For Cholas

ABC News has declared that bushy eyebrows are back! I don’t think I ever got the telegram that they ever left. They claim Ashley Olsen’s bushy caterpillars caused a “commotion” at the Costume Institute Gala. A commotion? Did Ash’s bush brows cause Anna Wintour to choke on a buffalo wing or something?

That troll’s brows ain’t shit! Look at Lourdes! That’s how you do bushy brows the right way. Ash needed to go home and try again.

Fuck this bushy brow “trend.” We should stand together united against it. We should all take a Lady Bic to our eyebrows and draw on new one with a Sharpie. If you don’t have a Sharpie, you can burn down a match for a few seconds and use that. You go first….

I mean, look at this bitch below. This kind of chola glamour will never go out of style. It’s timeless.

The Greatest Ad Of All Time

This ad is full of YES! I love how they toned down their real chola look, so they would look professional in the ad. I really hope they attend the job fair in all their chola glory. They shouldn’t keep it hidden down. Be chola, be proud! Besides, employers like to see what you can do with a Sharpie. WORD.

And since we’re on the subject of chola beauty……

Source: eBaum’s World

Thanks MP