Working Out With Mop Head

Isn’t there a law somewhere that stated my arch rival CHERYL BURKE is only allowed to show her mop head during Dancing with the Has-Beens? So why does she have another workout DVD series coming out? It’s kind of ironic since she went on that whole “Stop Calling Me A Fat Fuck” tour. This shit will probably make you skinny since you’ll yack up everything in your stomach while watching Mop Head flex her ass.

What’s even worse is that CHERYL BURKE’s new workout DVD grossly called Disco Abs is set to the music of the 70s! Hot songs like “Disco Inerno” and “YMCA” will be ruined by CHERYL BURKE running her filthy mop head all over them.

Mop Head had this to say about her vomit inducing workout series: “I created Disco Abs so you could have as much fun getting in shape as I do. Disco Abs will change the way people think about exercise!”

CHERYL BURKE is in shape?! No need to touch that one. It already molested itself a million times over. Only Mop Head would come out with some shit called Disco Abs. Bitches in the 70s stayed skinny by snorting coke and not eating, so if anyone should host this shit, it should be HoHan.

And I’m sick of these stupid ass workout videos! There’s only one bitch who knows fitness and that’s Greer Childs! I’ve posted this before, but it’s time for an encore. CHERYL BURKE needs to see this shit, so she realizes that she must gracefully bow out and let Greer handle it. I try to do this excercise once a week. It helps when there’s a peen in front of you.

(Thanks Stacy)

It’s Been Real, Mop Head

It’s back to the janitor’s closet for CHERYL BURKE! Mop Head and her partner Maurice Greene were given the heave-HO on “Dancing with the Has-Beens” last night. It was a bittersweet moment for me. Yes, CHERYL BURKE is my arch rival and she makes my hair hurt, but she’s the only one that got any emotion out of me. When I watch CHERYL BURKE sweep the floor with her mop head, I have to sit on my fists (not in the nasty way) to keep them from punching my TV. I HATE HER.

CHERYL BURKE does that to me, but at least she does something! The other boring ass bitches put me to sleep. It’s like Ambien, Sominex, Nytol and Lunesta dancing around out there.

Whenever Brooke Burke prances around, I just get up and go pluck my nose hairs, because I know the judges are going to queef over her. And when the other three start their sleep dances, I get myself a big cup of Sleepytime tea and cuddle under a soft blanket, because I know I’m about to drift out to dreamland.

At least with Maurice and Mop Head gone, I don’t have to hear that “chicken dinner” shit anymore!

CHERYL BURKE Is A Weapon Of Mass Destruction

It’s a good thing La Lucci got out of “Dancing with the Has-Beens” when she did, because if she stayed, she would be laid up in a full body cast right now. CHERYL BURKE has struck again! First it was Misty, then Brooke, then Julianne, then Lacey, and now Kym Johnson! According to TMZ, Kym, who is Warren Sapp’s partner, busted her shoulder during rehearsals and it may require surgery. I wonder how those marbles got there!

However, Mop Head hasn’t completely sabotaged Kym, because she will dance tonight! They need to seriously put an army of Swiffers around the dancefloor when Kym performs, because Mop Head won’t go near that shit!

The dudes better star wearing Dirt Devils around their necks as protection from the mop headed witch, because they’re next!

Trick Or Trick

Does Spanx not make nude color tights? That black shit on Kim KardASSIAN’s legs are not acceptable and Lynda Carter queefs on them! That killed her whole Wonder Whore outfit for me. Well, that and the bottom of her costume looks like a politically themed Depends diaper from the back. I think she also had an invisible plane with her, but her ass gobbled it up.

My arch rival CHERYL BURKE disappoints me. This was her chance to dress as a slutty wet vac or a slutty Swiffer, but she chooses this busted crap instead?! Is she some kind of slutty army mop?

Here’s a few more pictures of Kim and CHERYL BURKE celebrating Whoreoween last night with Kim’s mommy. I think she’s dressed as a horny and menopausal Soviet soldier with a sweaty pit problem.

The DWTS Curse Continues!

Lacey Schwimmer (right), Lance Bass’ (left) partner on “Dancing with the Has-Beens,” told The Insider yesterday that she’s been diagnosed with endometriosis, the same condition Julianne Hough has. Julianne had to go to surgery for it yesterday. Julianne said she’ll be back to dancing in a couple of weeks.

Lacey said she only went to the doctor after realizing she had the same symptoms as Julianne. Lacey’s doctors told her yesterday, so she called up The Insider and gave them the news! According to Lacey, she’s in the early stages of the condition and won’t have to go to surgery, but she is taking medication for it.

It will be business as usual for Lacey and she’ll be dancing next week.

CHERYL BURKE is on a rampage! It’s funny that Lacey and Lance were the front-runners this week and now this happens! Mop Head has to go before Susan Lucci breaks one of her nails or something! Seriously, if La Lucci breaks a nail, she won’t be able to dance. She’s fragile. We need to grab our Swiffers and form a prayer circle around La Lucci to keep her safe!

CHERYL BURKE Must Be Stopped!

Julianne Hough went to the hospital last week for stomach issues and it turns out she has Endometriosis and needs to get her appendix taken out. CHERYL BURKE’S diabolical plan to rid the female competition must be uncovered! If you opened up her closet, you’d find hundreds of mop heads along with voodoo dolls of all the chicks from DWTS! I just knew she was some sort of evil voodoo trailer witch.

The lovely Julianne will have her appendix removed today. Keep CHERYL BURKE away from the operating table! She’s going to try and steal Julianne’s appendix to use it for some kind of voodoo soup!

The Mop Witch can’t keep Julianne down for long. During last night’s show, she said “Everything’s okay. I’m going to hopefully be back, if everything goes as planned, next week.”

Edyta Sliwinska will fill in as Cody’s partner while Julianne eats the Jello in the hospital and gets better. Edyta, stay away from any kind of “soup” Mop Head might offer you!

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Thanks Vendicare