And Now It’s That Time Of Day Where We Watch A Woman Bust Her Ass On TV

Yes, I laughed. And then I hit replay and laughed again (repeat 5). But I’m going to get mine in the end (literally, wink wink). Every time I pointed and laughed at the ho kissing pavement with her ass, my karma punch card got stabbed with a BIC pen. When I reach 10 punches, I’m due for an ass fallin’. It’s going to come at the worst time too. Like when I’m running to the bathroom after a Saturday 3am quickie. Dumb slut goes boom. Or when I’m walking home with a small bag of delicious tater tots. Dumb slut goes boom, tater tots go splat.

via Gothamist

A Model Goes Down At Burberry

When are 12-year-old girls with ankles the size of napkin rings going to learn how to walk in 6-inch stilts on a floor slicker a Mastiffs’ tongue?! This would’ve never happened to Suri Cruise!

Pink Goes Boom

This is why I only trust a team of professional master doms to strap me into a harness. Pink has been doing Cirque dude Soleil shit in her shows for years, so it was only a matter of time before one of those stunts put her ass in the hospital. During a concert in Germany last night, Pink’s bumbling ass dancers failed to secure her in a harness correctly and she went flying directly into a barricade. You can hear Pink screaming “NO NO” like me when the free clinic technician asks me where I’m bleeding from. The BOOM is at the 0:45 mark in the video below:

Since nothing soothes a bruise like a bunch of curse words, Pink hurled a “motherfucker” or two before being shuffled off to the hospital. The show was cut short and everyone was told to go home. Pink later apologized and her Twatter and said that she’s going to be fine:

To all my nurnberg fans- I am so so so sorry to end the show that way.I am embarassed and very sorry. I’m in ambulance now but I will b fine
about 16 hours ago via UberTwitter

@PinkFacts didn’t get clipped in2 harness correctly,drug me off stage, fell in2 barricade. Getting xrays.I hope it at least looked cool!!!
about 16 hours ago via UberTwitter in reply to PinkFacts

Ok all my lovers out there- nothings broken, no fluid in the lungs, just seriously sore. I made that barricade my b*tch!!!! Thanx nurnberg:(
about 15 hours ago via UberTwitter

More like the harness made Pink its bitch. Seriously, you can’t trust two bitches in tutus to do a master dom’s job!

Bitches Go Down: The RiRi & Lady Caca Edition

Since watching famous hos fall is always a wonderful way to start your day, here’s RiRi taking a small tumble (at the 0:04 mark for the lazies) while performing in London on Monday night. Homegirl looks like an awkward baby giraffe trying to do The Twist for the first time and failing. That shit is funny, but I will say that RiRi is MUCH better at falling than she is at doing the Moonwalk. This much is true.

And below is Lady Caca almost busting her ass (at the 0:24 mark) while sashaying off stage in Hamburg. That is the exact moment where her tuck came undone. Dick is always making a bitch trip.

via ONTD

Prima Fallerina

Lindsay Lohan is quickly become a master at falling down! Lilo already received rave reviews for her graceful performance in The Cactuscracker, and last night she once again brought down the house by bringing herself down to the ground. Belissimo! Let’s all throw her a bouquet of 8-balls and opium!

And just like last time, Lilo blamed the paparazzi for throwing a banana peel on the ground. Or stuffing her nostrils with enough bad shit to make her knees go numb. Or something like that. Blah. Bler. From her Twatter:

@ElectraAvellan see how embaressing it is when paps push you into a fall w/FENDIS ON! Again to me? And NOW YOU?sober sally’s take a timber
about 6 hours ago via UberTwitter

Security @Voyeur nightclub in LA just set me up&paid off paparazzi to not let me in the back door and come to take photos of me in the back
about 6 hours ago via UberTwitter

Just one thing-i came to PICK UP MY FRIEND @electraavellan from the back and NOT even go into the club! Yet- I get sold out by guys that
about 6 hours ago via UberTwitter

By guys that I treat with respect and kindness…… They got paid off to let paparazzi make me look like I was distraught and a mess, when
about 6 hours ago via UberTwitter

I was just waiting for my friend at the back door…… Worse part is, my friends who run the club were a part of the set-up as well. Why?
about 6 hours ago via UberTwitter

Maybe I should change the title of this post to “Prima FAILerina.”

In other pipe residue news , TMZ is saying that Lilo is as broke as she looks. Apparently, Lilo has been climbing down the fire escape every time her landlord comes knocking on her door to collect rent (JUST LIKE US!). Lilo was in danger of being put out on the curb, because she was $23,000 behind in rent payments. Lilo recently paid the balance, so she won’t have to move into a bathroom stall at Les Deux yet. Meanwhile, White Oprah still has no idea what’s going on since it’s hard to notice the things around you when you’re staring straight into your own colon.

Lindsay Lohan Is A Graceful Swan Princess

You know the old saying, “Don’t kick a ho while they’re down?” Well, this must be some kind of serious test right here. Now let’s see if I pass (SPOILER ALERT: I fail with flying colors).

So….Lindsay Lohan left her friend’s house in Hollywood at 5:30 this morning after a round of pre-dawn yoga and an intense transcendental meditation session (+5 points). LiLo’s body, brain (+5 points) and soul (+20 points) must have still been in the light afterwards, because she was so dizzy and hazy that a nice police officer had to escort her to the car. LiLo wanted to continue her spiritual journey before going home, so she went for a quick walk in her friend’s cactus garden.

LiLo wanted to feel the nature fall on her body, but unfortunately she fell on nature instead. Specifically, she fell on a cactus. LiLo must have moisturized her skin before leaving her friend’s house, because the cactus did not scream “OUCH! FUCK! NAST!” when she fell on it (-10 points). Luckily, LiLo’s partners in chi were there to help her up and get her home in time so she could shower (+20 points) before going down to the local orphanage to read to the children. The end.

Just for the record, I failed the test, because this was served on a bed of piping hot wise ass sarcasm.