Category: Backstreet Boys
Nick Carter Has Been Accused Of Rape (UPDATE)
Although the story was slightly repulsive, the one about the Backstreet Boys utilizing AJ McLean’s fart for a hit song was a beautiful and wholesome fairy tale compared to this one. According to the New York Daily News, an actress and singer named Melissa Schuman is accusing Backstreet Boy and alleged bouncer choker Nick Carter of raping her in 2004. The details are ugly, so have the cute animal vid of your choice ready to watch after this one. You’re going to need it.
Open Post: Hosted By The Fart Beat In A Backstreet Boys Song
One of my favorite album covers of all time is Millie Jackson’s Back To The Shit, featuring the hit single “Muffle That Fart.” It’s true artistry, touching on so many timeless issues. Feminism, relationships, digestive issues. And it’s rare – who ever mentions toilets or farting in popular music nowadays? This isn’t exactly the same thing but sort of related. The Backstreet Boys spoke to Billboard about the 20th anniversary of their debut, Backstreet Boys. Did you know their song “The Call” was built around the sound of a fart? I didn’t know that. I didn’t really need to.
The Backstreet Boys Will Make Your Tween Vegas Dreams Come True
Do you still have your old issues of Tiger Beat? What? The pages are all stuck together? Why? What did you do to them? Why do you hope your mom doesn’t find them? Ok. Well, you’re acting weird. Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that Paris Hilton‘s ex-boyfriend, Nick Carter, confirmed that the Backstreet Boys are doing a Vegas residency. Stop! Stop screaming! Jesus! Why do you all of a sudden have pigtails and braces?! What is happening?! Get me out of here! Help! Help!
Yep, your inner tween can pop back into her boob tube and smear some definitely not at all toxic body glitter gel on her neck and worst parts of her face because BSB is back. I mean, Backstreet’s back, alright? I’m not going any louder than that. ET spoke to Nick at the L.A. premiere of his new SyFy flick, Dead7 and he told them the band has signed a deal for nine-shows to test the waters and see if a permanent show should get the greenlight. If Carrot Top and Donnie and Marie can have smash amounts of money (copyright Sean Young) shows in Vegas, why wouldn’t BSB? Nick said, “If it does really well, then I think that’ll open that door and then in future we’ll do it. So that’s definitely going to happen but we’re going to do a trial run first.” He also added that fans should expect “a very big and spectacular show“. A couple lasers, some ropes from the ceiling and some outdated choreographed dancing. Yep. Sounds big and spectacular to me.
Kevin Richardson, the tall one with black hair, also confirmed the shows and said it all came about after the boys talked to Britney Spears backstage after one of her lazy lip synch spectaculahs. “It seemed really convenient for the family! A Vegas residency, now that we’re all fathers, could be very convenient for us… We won’t have to travel so much,” said Kevin. He also got your tween heart beating even faster by confirming they’re working on a new album. They should premiere it on Tidal. That would surely save it. Between Britney, JLo, Celine and now BSB, you can live in Vegas and pretend the 90s never ended!
Pic: Wenn
Nick Carter Kept It Classy Last Night
Those Carter boys are such romantics, you know? First Aaron Carter tries to woo back the long-lost love of his life Hilary Duff by penning some cracked out love poems on Twitter, and now we have his older brother Nick Carter grabbing a handful of his wife’s ass and making fuck faces at the premiere of the documentary Backstreet Boys: Show ‘Em What You’re Made Of last night. If Cupid ever decides to retire, I think I know two blond angels who could take his place.
Because documentaries are the classiest type of film, Paris Hilton’s former crab wrangler decided to pull out all the stops when walking the red carpet with his wife of nine months Lauren Kitt and give her a truly classy red carpet experience. Nick grabbed her ass. Nick mouth fucked her face. Nick was a walking backsreet boner who made everyone in attendance realize that maybe Aaron isn’t the messiest Carter brother.
Meanwhile, his wife Lauren – who looks like she was assembled using old Kim Kardashian parts from 2009 – stood there with the sort of vacant look in her eyes that says “Eh, could be worse – at least I’m not getting dry humped by a dude from O-Town.”
Here’s more of the coupon book version of Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel at the premiere of Backstreet Boys: Show ‘Em What You’re Made Of last night in Los Angeles, as well as all the other Backstreet Boys:
A Spice Girls (Sans Posh) & Backstreet Boys Tour Might Happen
The Backstreet Boys/New Kids on the Block tour made $40 million, because us sluts from the 80s were willing to empty out our checking account to fulfill our dream of throwing our wet panties at Joey McIntyre’s face. The Spice Girls reunion tour made $70 million. So because both of their tours made ten ass loads of money and many of them are always in need of a check, they’re talking about joining forces in a Backstreet Dadz and Spice Momz world tour. The 90s keeps finding ways to let us know that it’s officially back, but when is it going to prove to us that it’s really REALLY back by giving us a reboot of The Torkelsons. People say God’s looking out for the working man, but when is God going to look out for those of us who want The Torkelsons back? Anyway…
Brian Littrell supposedly told The Sun (via MTV UK) that the BSB are in early talks to do a world tour with the Spice Girls. Because this is coming from The Sun, Brian Littrell could be the name of their weekday intern who made this shit up. If it is true, then the Spice Girls will have to perform as a foursome, because after the Summer Olympics in London, Posh said that she was way too busy with her fashion empire to move her lips and pose pose pose on stage with the group that made her famous. To quote my cousin when my other cousin brought her own Trader’s Joe wine to a family party because she didn’t want to drink beer: “Bitch thinks she’s fancy now.”
I’ve seen the Spice Girls a couple of times and Posh was always the best part. Bitch stays doing the least. She basically stood in one spot in a hot dress, pointed every now and again and sort of moved her lips. I’ve seen dead grasshoppers move more than she did. The Spice Girls are NOTHING without her. But you know, they could replace her with a bitchy-looking broomstick in a brown weave. Nobody would really know the difference. Well, they’d have to shave a few inches off of that broomstick to make it look as skinny as Posh.
And since the BSB are into making money by touring with other groups from the 90s, here’s what their future tours are going to look like:
2016 – The Backstreet Boys & Hanson North America Tour!
2018 – The Backstreet Boys & TLC European And Some Parts Of North America Tour!
2023 – The Backstreet Boys & Destiny’s StepChildren (aka DC without Beyonce) County Fair Tour!
2025 – The Backstreet Boys & Vengaboys 7-Eleven Parking Lot Tour!
2035 – The Backstreet Pepaws & Aqua Retirement Home Cafeteria Tour!
I better put an extra $50 in my IRA, because I’m going to need it for that last tour.
Depressing News Of The Day: Knut Drowned To Death
The words “polar bear enclosure pool” used to bring me a cheap laugh, because I’d think of the look on the face of that crazy bitch who was almost mauled to death when she jumped in. And now, it’s going to bring nothing but sadness, because the water is what ultimately did Knut in. Sort of.
Initial autopsy reports showed that Knut’s heart, kidney and liver were in a good condition, but there were signs of trauma to his brain. Some polar bear experts went so far as to say that the polar bear might have been bi-polar. Now the official word is that Knut’s brain swelled which caused him to collapse into the pool and drown. Tell the bartender to stretch his fingers before happy hour, because we’re all going to need a row of Klondike mud slides after reading that last part.
A professor of veterinary medicine at Berlin’s University was one of the doctors who examined Knut and said he believes the swelling in the brain started at least a few weeks before Knut’s death. Knut’s lungs were filled with massive amounts of water which leads them to believe that he drowned. The professor went on to say that Knut probably wouldn’t have survived even if he never into the pool. Eventually the swelling would’ve killed him.
And there’s the final chapter in the sad life of Knut. Hopefully, Knut’s soul is quickly reincarnated into another baby polar bear’s body in the North Pole. Then Prince Hot Ginge will befriend him and the two will shoot a documentary ala Grizzly Man together. Knut will finally get his happy ending! Wait. How does Grizzly Man end again? Forget everything I just typed and pour me my first Klondike mud slide of the day.
via BBC