They Snatched Up Antoine Dodson!

Hide yo kids, hide yo wives, hide yo weed, hide yo blunts! The sweetest seahorse of Alabama was put into handcuffs early this morning by cops who should be using their time to track down bed snatchers instead. TMZ reports that one of the original viral superstar sensations Antoine Dodson was pulled over in Alabama by the Huntsville PD who searched him and found marijuana. ‘Toine was charged with speeding, failing to have insurance and misdemeanor marijuana possession. ‘Toine was released a second later and he’s already out there snatching smoke out of a bong with his mouth, because he could use a hit or two.

Damn. Damn. Damn. Let this be a lesson to all of us. When you go out into the world with an illegal drop of the good shit on your person, make sure whatever is on top of your head is looking mug shot ready fresh. Learn from Antoine’s mistakes, you don’t want to look like a Goofy-ized version of Willow Smith. Antoine doesn’t have a thick layer of SAD across his face because he got arrested for some “you are really dumb fo’ real” shit. He’s weepy, because that sad wave on his head is playing a warped and busted version of “Whip My Hair.” The Hunstville PD needs to do right by ‘Toine and let him come back for “Do-Over Mug Shot Day.”

Surprised It Took This Long

The lesson today from Antoine Dodson’s School of Southern Charm is that a true lady always keeps their pinkies out when handling an object that is hovering close to their mouths. Whether it’s a microphone, a cup of Earl Grey tea or a hard dick, be a dainty lady and handle it with class. Now on to the inevitable…

TMZ has learned that Antoine has moved far from the Lincoln Park projects in Huntsville, Alabama and is now shooting his own reality show in West Hollywood, CA. The reality show follows Antoine as he makes the move from Alabama to try to become the newest color in the rainbow flag that flies high above WeHo. The pilot is produced by Entertainment One and is currently looking for a network to call home.

A bitch has to strike while the flat-iron is piping hot or else they’ll have to scrounge for crumbs at the bottom of their 15-minutes (example: OctoMom), so ‘Toine has to do what he needs to do to keep a Louis Vuitton bag at his side at all times. Somebody has to star in the reboot of The Surreal Life in 5 years and it might as well be ‘Toine!

And whatever happened to Antoine’s sister’s almost rapist anyway? I’m surprised the evil motherfucker hasn’t tried to sue the weave tracks off of Antoine’s head for making all of this happen.

Antoine Dodson Is Fancy Now

The 24k gold sparkle pony Antoine Dodson has taken his “Hide Yo Kids, Hide Yo Wives” money all the way to the Swarovski store and it has put a Louis Vuitton bag on his arm. You can run and buy that, Antoine.

Those braids make Antoine look like he’s about to attack the Alien queen , but since he’s Hollywood now I’m going to guess that he’s wearing them for his starring role in the remake of Jumpin’ Jack Flash. Or for a Milli Vanilli biopic. I”ll take either one.

Source: Reddit via TDW

Oh, I Hope Antoine Dodson Got A Check For This

Wearing a brand new afro wig fresh from the polyester farm, the golden seahorse that is Antoine Dodson performed a holiday version of his auto-tuned hit “The Bed Intruder Song” called “The Chimney Intruder Song” on Lopez Tonight. I hope Antoine is making millions upon millions of dollars and I can’t wait to see him perform “The Colostomy Bag Intruder Song” in 50 years, but this mess made me want to hide my speakers and hide my monitor. But I didn’t hit the little x on my browser tab, because how can I shut the door on ‘Toine’s beautiful foundation-glazed face?

Open Post: Hosted By ‘Toine

Here’s the extra sweet seahorse Antoine Dodson greeting his loyal subjects outside of a UFC (?????) even in Detroit this past weekend. ‘Toine shouldn’t be surprised if Goofy comes sniffing up his glitter hole, because he’s a Feria dye job away from becoming Sylvia Marpole.

Billy Mays’ Successor Has Been Found!

Antoine Dodson’s strut down the fame ho stroll just got a lot longer thanks to this infomercial for the bed intruder iPhone app (official name: sex offender tracker app)! Basic-leeeeee, it’s a technolo-geeeeee and it’s Toine in an app. Run and download that!

You know, I was sitting snuggly on the picket fence (It doesn’t hurt, I’ve had pointier.) about Antoine’s rise from the internet’s sweetheart to America’s sweetheart, but I’m going to swan dive onto Toine’s side of the yard and join the fresh foolery. I cannot cross my arms and shake my head at Toine’s game anymore. Here’s hoping his milking of the diarrhea-ey cow called fame leads him all the way to being the new host of America’s Most Wanted and/or To Catch A Predator! “You are so dumb! You are really dumb!” will be the new “Have a seat…“.

And how can I not have love for Toine when he has inspired fucked up ridiculousness like this:

Hide yo puppies! Hide yo chew toys!

via TDW, Antoine Dogson via From New York With Love