Afternoon Crumbs

Paramount Pictures dropped the first look at the “live-action” Clifford The Big Red Dog movie and my thoughts are expressed through the pooch who’s looking at that giant furry blood clot like, “Um, where did the budget go?” And since Clifford looks like red velvet and we think everything is cake, bitch better stomp on any hungry trick who comes at him with a cake knife – The Wrap

And on today’s episode of Chris Evans Did Something That Filled The Internet With Crotch Custard… – Celebitchy

So that dramatic, gritty, and Appalachian version of Mama’s Family starring Glenn Close and Amy Adams continues to get shit reviews – Pajiba

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Afternoon Crumbs

And here’s the video for Prisoner starring THEE DIVINE (just skip to the end of the video) and featuring Miley Cyrus and Dua Lipa giving off the chemistry of a Styrofoam peanut and a rock while grinding on each other and wasting a bunch of maraschino cherries. FOR SHAME!  – Egotastic!

Noted SmartWater, Aveeno, and Emirates Airlines peddler Jennifer Aniston is now peddling Vital Proteins, which is collagen in a tub. Cut to every single Kartrashian storming Costco to inject an entire tub of Vital Proteins into their mugs – Lainey Gossip 

Rachel Maddow returns to her show and says that her partner Susan Mikula caught COVID-19 in a bad, bad, serious “almost went to Jesus” kind of way – Pajiba

You know that scene in American History X where Edward Norton curb stomps a dude? He did that in tweet form to Trump – Towleroad

Today’s visual definition of ELEGANCE is provided by Hailee Steinfeld who is serving cater waiter dominatrix glamour – Popoholic

Vogue pulled a 68-picture (!!!!!) spread on a wedding where the very special guest was COVID-19 – Celebitchy

The video for Katya’s Russian dance song is out and it features The Lips from Puttin’ On The Hits in its grand return to the spotlight! – OMG Blog

Pic: YouTube

Afternoon Crumbs

Hugh Grant is up for doing a sequel to Notting Hill as long as it careens down Marriage Story Highway by making the characters get into a messy, disgusting divorce. So if Hugh Grant gets his way, Notting Hill 2: Electric Divorce-aloo will open with Julia Roberts saying to him, “I’m just a wife, standing in front of a husband, asking for a damn divorce!” – Celebitchy

I don’t know what kind fucked-up kinky fetish this is, but I do know that Quentin Tarantino definitely has this video stored in his spank bank – Pajiba

Stevie Nicks’ Edge of Seventeen and Miley Cyrus’ Midnight Sky made a baby – OMG Blog

And here’s Dakota Fanning serving some Hefty! Hefty! glamour – Egotastic!

Nice try, Olivia Culpo, but that berry-filled coconut stole the spotlight from your butt melons – Popoholic

Tenet finally said “fuck it” and will be released on VOD in December, although, it won’t be the same without a movie theater sound system blasting your ears off – Lainey Gossip 

It’s always the right time to get into Julia Sugarbaker’s legendary “The Night The Lights Went Out In Georgia” sermon, but now it’s really the right time for it – Greg In Hollywood

TWO PRETTY PEOPLE MADE A BABY ALERT! – Just Jared

Pic: Universal Pictures

Afternoon Crumbs

On the eve of Election Day, THEE Tracy Chapman made a rare appearance when she tried her best to soothe our nerves (which are more frazzled than the pubes of an electrocuted porcupine) with a beautiful performance of Talkin’ ‘Bout A Revolution on Late Night with Seth Meyers. And well, depending on how the election goes, another Tracy Chapman song Fast Car might get a lot of play since many will want to drive a fast car off of the planet and directly to Mars – Towleroad

Meanwhile, on the Los Angeles set of Don’t Worry Darling, Chris Pine showed up looking like an associate literary professor at a liberal arts college circa 1990 – Lainey Gossip

Well, Kanye West got at least one vote – Just Jared

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Afternoon Crumbs

Kelly Clarkson got into her best Death Becomes Her drag and sang “Stayin’ Alive” as Madeline Ashton for the Halloween episode’s Kellyoke cover. I’m sure she made Meryl Streep proud with that look, but the song choice is still not right. I’m mad at Kelly for denying us all the chance to hear Kelly Clarkson belt out, “I See Me” from Broadway’s Songbird – Pajiba

The first full trailer for the fourth season of The Crown is here, and it’s very heavy on Gillian Anderson as Margaret Thatcher, which continues to be still just a bit less Thatcher-y than my favorite Thatcher impression by the one and only Baga Chipz – Lainey Gossip

And speaking of the real crown, a recent report shows that Queen Elizabeth is still the most popular royal, with 83% of British people liking her, which is up 4% since March. Okay but to be fair, I’m pretty sure the poll only included the British Royal Family. Because The Queen would be down about 50% if you could vote for any royal. Liz just can’t compete with Dairy Queen and her delicious soft serve offerings – Celebitchy

Some people are spending quarantine making fancy cardboard castles for their cats. Finally, those elegant crystal dishes full of Fancy Feast from the commercials have a domicile worthy of such exquisite taste! – OMG Blog

Trick or treat! Lori Loughlin spent Halloween eve checking into prison, to serve out her two-month sentence for her participation in the college admissions scandal – Just Jared

That poor dumpster – Towleroad

Elizabeth Banks dressed up as Bunny Lebowski (originally played by Tara Reid) for Halloween. And yes, it’s not perfectly accurate (I don’t think that bikini was bought at a Los Angeles area mall in 1991), but it gets an automatic thumbs up for Elizabeth’s aggressive use of lip liner – Egotastic!

I don’t know why Scarlett Johansson looks like she tried to recreate Kelly and Brenda’s prom dress using whatever she could find in Liza Minnelli’s craft room, but I can’t say I hate it – Popoholic

Pic: YouTube

Afternoon Crumbs

The newest trailer for that Saved By The Bell revival mess is out, and it includes a peroxide-headed Mark-Paul Gosselaar as Zack Morris, who looks like the horrifying love child of Mike Pence and a Ken Doll with a touch of Los Angeles area weatherman. That tracks! – Pajiba

And just like that, Keanu Reeves’ crazed fans are searching the salon dumpsters of Berlin to find the precious cut-off locks of their God – Lainey Gossip

For those who say that Khloe Kartrashian is made up of nothing but silicone, non-FDA approved fillers, and melted down Tupperware bowls, I’d like you to know that she’s also filled with bullshit which she spews often (see: Khloe acting like she doesn’t have any nannies) – Celebitchy

Because I guess Simon Cowell got sick of corn on the cobs, vaginas, and carrots running off in fear from the sight of his giant fake chompers of blinding white doom, he switched them out for smaller fake chompers of blinding white doom – SOW

Get into Michael Myers taking on his greatest foe: an insufferable-as-fuck anti-masker – OMG Blog

Ashlee Simpson did an ode to Glamour Shots photo shoot to show off her baby-growing area – Egotastic!

Jennifer Lawrence would like everyone to know, for once and for all, that she’s a Democrat, okay? – Just Jared

Pic: YouTube