Category: Afternoon Crumbs

Afternoon Crumbs

December 30, 2020 / Posted by:

There’s going to be a third Creed movie and Michael B. Jordan is apparently going to direct it. And just like that, a bunch of thirsty hos got hit with the down-low throbs from picturing Michael B. Jordan wearing nothing but a beret, a silky ascot, and boots while blowing into a megaphone. I mean that is the official ensemble of a serious auteur – Lainey Gossip

Jennifer Lopez wore a modest and timeless ensemble that screamed, “Try me, PETA!” – Celebitchy

The #MeToo wave has hit Alexander Wang who has been accused of being the Bill Cosby of the fashion world – Pajiba

“Pfft! Amateur” is what me (and my b-hole) are saying to all the people who had to go to the ER this year with shit stuck up their asses – OMG Blog

What in name of clearance section Yandy.com elegance is Dua Lipa wearing? – Popoholic

Because an 8th grader circa 1995 possessed her body, Chrissy Teigen got her nose pierced while on vacation – Egotastic!

Um, nice try, Steven Soderbergh, but there’s already been a sequel to Contagion. It’s called 2020 and we’re all fucking starring in it – Just Jared

Meanwhile, in Rio, coronavirus had the time of her life while partying in the meth-filled bodies of circuit queens – Towleroad

Okay, but Billie Eilish is wrong about babies unfollowing her over boobs because babies LOVE boobs! – Billboard

Pic: Warner Bros.

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Afternoon Crumbs

December 28, 2020 / Posted by:

Since Amy Schumer made fun of Hilaria Baldwin, she better expect a 10-minute-long stern video message from Hilaria who will start with, “How do you say ‘callarte la boca, muñeca de repollo!’ in English?” – Lainey Gossip

You know…. instead of wasting beautiful potato chips, Sherri Shepherd could just not buy them… Although, you try explaining that to Sherri’s flat earther ass – Celebitchy

Punky Brewster is single – SOW

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Christmas Eve Crumbs

December 24, 2020 / Posted by:

Prince Hot Ginge and Meghan Markle’s family Christmas card is out and three things: 1. I see that they put the art brush Photoshop filter to work on a pic that Meghan’s mom Doria Ragland took. 2. It looks like 1-year-old Archie has been blessed with a glorious crown of ginger locks from the ginger Gods. And 3. If you told me that was their actual house, I would shrug and say, “Yeah, that seems about right for $14 million in fancy ass Montecito!” – HuffPo

Mads Mikkelsen was once again asked about Johnny Depp and replacing Johnny in the Fantastic Beasts movies, and he once again kept his answers set to neutral while probably taking a deep breath and saying to himself, “Keep it calm, Mads, keep it calm, only 2 million more questions about Johnny Depp to go.” – Celebitchy

Britney Spears’ piece Sam Asghari says he got COVID-19, but no need to pull out your Frapp-scented praying candles, because he claims he didn’t infect Brit Bit. But he does think that his “healthy lifestyle” is what kept his symptoms from getting worse. Nice try, Sam, but even that’s not going to keep me from doing physical exercise beyond lifting a box of See’s Candies and emptying it into my eatin’ hole – Just Jared

Oh, look the disease known as Kevin Spacey flared up again for the holidays – Variety

Sofia Richie is on “vacation” or as she calls it “just another day” – Egotastic!

And finally, Earth Angel Queen Dolly Parton and Willie Nelson have gifted us with a Christmas present that almost took me higher than hotboxing with Willie would:

Pic: Twitter

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Afternoon Crumbs

December 23, 2020 / Posted by:

Brad Pitt, I mean, a source, would like you to know that he’s spending Christmas with Shiloh and The Chosen Ones (Note to self: If I ever suddenly develop musical talent and start a band, go with Shiloh and The Chosen Ones for a name). Apparently, Brad and Angelina Jolie were thinking of spending Christmas together but shot that idea down, and it’s a good thing because I’m not sure if the child army wants a front-row seat to a live-reboot of The War of the Roses. No word on where the older kids are spending Christmas, but Maddox is 19, Pax is 17, and Zahara is 15, so I’m guessing that they’ll spend their holidays either playing their new PS5 non-stop or cursing at St. Angie’s colleague (God) for not getting one for Christmas  – Lainey Gossip

Christmas morning with Carey Mulligan sounds fun….. – Celebitchy

While responding to the backlash she got for taking on the role of Cleopatra, Gal Gadot says that she took the role after they couldn’t find a Macedonian actress to do it and that if anybody wants to make their own Cleopatra movie, they’re free to. On that note, excuse me while I run off to the studios to pitch my Cleopatra movie called Cuchipatra starring Charo! – Pajiba

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Afternoon Crumbs

December 18, 2020 / Posted by:

It looks like I better pick up a pack of AAA batteries from Target for my thermometer. Because The Flight Attendant got renewed for a second season, which means I’ll have more moments in the future where I’ll say to myself, “Why am I absolutely loving the work of Kaley Cuoco? Shit, I better take my temperature to make sure I don’t have a fever.”Pajiba

If you stare at JLo’s dress long enough, you’ll see a little sailboat floating on by – Lainey Gossip 

John Foley, the CEO of Peleton, is making sure he’s living up to the reputation of a multi-millionaire CEO by being fucking weird – Celebitchy

From Rebecca Black to Rebecca Blue (haired) – Egotastic!

HAIM did a 2020-ized version of Christmas Wrapping because like us, they’re bored – OMG Blog

If Endora from Bewitched was a New Jersey flapper from the 1920s, she’d wear what Hilary Duff is wearing here – Popoholic

Erika Jayne after melting down all the gold in her house and embroidering it on a jumpsuit so that the feds can’t confiscate it or Xtina celebrating her 40th birthday? – SOW

Dear Hollywood, please do something right for once and put Miss Vanjie and her fuck effort “didn’t even bother matching Julia Child’s hair” wig in a Julia Child biopic – Towleroad

Well, this was a choice – Just Jared

Pic: HBO Max

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Afternoon Crumbs

November 27, 2020 / Posted by:

After managing to dodge Future’s prolific jizz, Lori Harvey (yes, that Lori Harvey who got with Diddy AND Diddy’s son) may be getting on the current People’s Sexiest Man Alive, Michael B. Jordan, because the two were spotted landing in Atlanta together, the day before Thanksgiving. Lori’s dad is Steve Harvey so I don’t know if it was a smart move to bring Michael B. Jordan home. Because Lori’s coochie will shrivel up and fall off as soon as delusional and narcissistic Steve Harvey looks at Michael B. Jordan stache and says, “We could be twins!” – Lainey Gossip

51-year-old Matthew Perry is now engaged to his 29-year-old literary manager girlfriend of two years, Molly Hurwitz. Never mind that Matthew’s future wife was only 3 years old when Friends started, the bigger story here is that Matthew “Makes Millions In Friends Residuals A Year” Perry is doing Cameo. If a Cameo from Matthew Perry wasn’t $999, I’d ask him to do one for me and the note would be: Matthew, blink thrice if you owe money to the mob or something!   – Pajiba

In other Friends news, Courteney Cox once again risked getting salmonella in the nose holes for your entertainment – SOW

If Eric Clapton did an anti-lockdown song with Van Morrison to remind everyone of the racist streams of cold shit that have spewed out of his mouth, it worked! – Uproxx

The extremely hot Prince and Princess of Sweden got COVID-19 – Celebitchy

Oh, it’s just two humanoid pink poodles on acid – OMG Blog

Pics: Wenn.com

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