Kim Kardashian West’s private island 40th birthday party (in the middle of a coronavirus pandemic which has killed almost 230,000 people so far in the United States) somehow managed to get more self-indulgent and morally questionable. Kim shared Kanye West gifted her a hologram of Robert Kardashian Sr. – her dead father. Welp. And here we were thinking the Whitney Houston hologram would be as weird as it got.
Page Six says that Kim posted the video to social media last night, and said she and her family watched it for hours. Decide for yourselves, but I thought it was a little much. TMZ says that Kanye worked on it since early September, using old video and audio to bring it to life before surprising the family with it at the island getaway. So I’m assuming that means he wrote the speech Robert gave, because it sure sounds like it. You’ll soon understand why. Let’s begin:
“You’re forty and all grown up. You look beautiful – just like when you were a little girl.”
Okay, let’s continue:
“I watch over you and your sisters and brother – and the kids – every day. Sometimes I drop hints that I’m around, like when you hear someone make a big peefee? Or you make a big peefee!”
Imaging my deceased father’s hologram pointing at me and making inside jokes is my definition of morbidly frightening, but Kim lapped it up. She was so excited, so I guess that’s what counts. Also “peefee” needs to be explained, because Urban Dictionary lists it as a pussy fart and I refuse to live in a world where Kanye West gave his wife a hologram of her dead dad making not one, but two queef jokes her birthday. Also, is the suggestion here that a ghost is hauntingly queefing around their house? I hate that.
The hologram of Robert also talked about how proud he was of Kim for pursuing law, and connecting to her Armenian roots:
“I am so proud of the woman that you’ve become, Kimberly, and all that you’ve accomplished. But most impressive is your commitment to become a lawyer and carry on my legacy. It’s a long and a hard road, but it’s worth it, and I’m with you every step of the way.”
I think that was genuinely a touching thing…had it stopped there. Because, if you think that Kanye West didn’t also talk about Kanye West in the monologue he prepared for Kim’s dead father to say to her, you’re completely wrong:
“You married the most, most, most, most, most genius man in the whole world, Kanye West. And you are the most, most, most, most amazing mother to your four children.”
Yes, Kanye got more “mosts” than Kim on her own birthday congratulations from her dead dad. Kanye is literally unable to not think about himself. Even Jameela Jamil is like, “Is this still about Kim?”
Naturally, Kim called it the “most thoughtful gift of a lifetime.”
For my birthday, Kanye got me the most thoughtful gift of a lifetime. A special surprise from heaven. A hologram of my dad. ✨🤍 It is so lifelike! We watched it over and over, filled with emotion. pic.twitter.com/jD6pHo17KC
— Kim Kardashian West (@KimKardashian) October 29, 2020
Well, honestly if the family likes it, that’s what counts, right? I’m not gonna weigh in on whether or not Kim should feel an emotional attachment to an image of her deceased loved one. But I mean, like I said earlier: it’s a little much. Maybe next time leave the possible pussy fart references and give the person whose birthday it is more “mosts” in their adulations? I mean, I don’t think Kanye killed his ego when he said he did – I think the ego just took over.