Afternoon Crumbs

Weed was definitely in the air for James Franco last night – Popsugar

Katie Holmes or Angie Harmon? – Egotastic!

Put a picture of Katherine Heigl’s fat mouth on a milk carton. It’s missing – Lainey Gossip

Avril Lavigne hates rock n’ roll – Hollywood Tuna

How does Robert Pattinson keeps his hair looking so magical? – Towleroad

Taylor Swift is a comedienne – Just Jared

Yogurt box cat! – Cityrag

HoHan goes to Panda Express (site NSFW) – Drunken Stepfather

Leonardo DiCaprio had girl problems – IDLYITW

Pamela Andrerson loves living in a trailer – Hollywood Rag

Jonas Brothers + Farting Dog = A Cinematic Masterpiece

You know you’ve really made it when you’re starring in a movie opposite a farting dog. The Jonas Brothers should clean off their shelves, because something tells me they are going to get many awards for their performances in “Walter the Farting Dog.”

The movie is based on the best-selling books about a dog who has an asshole like Michael Lohan’s mouth. It just won’t shut. The Jonas Brothers will play the farts. No, they will play musicians and brothers (SHOCKING) who must care for the dog with the butt burping problem after their aunt passes away. This shit sounds like something that belongs in the fetish section of your local porn store.

Peter Farrelly of The Farrelly Brothers will direct. The farting begins next spring.

Papa Joe should get Jessica Simpson on the short list to play the title role. Well, she often brags about her ass queefing skills.

The Talking Chihuahuas Can’t Be Stopped!

For the second weekend in a row, “Beverly Hills Chihuahua” is the #1 movie at the box office with $17.5 million. It’s made a total of $52.4 million. Damn. Stoners and screaming babies must really love this shit.

The end is near (see below), so people would rather be entertained by a singing chihuahua than a talking DiCaprio. It makes sense. Leonardo DiCaprio and Russell Crowe’s new bore fiesta “Body of Lies” was no match for the dancing chihuahuas.

“Body of Lies” brought in $13.1 million, which was good enough for the third spot. HAH! My chihuahua laughs at the dude from “Titanic.”

That horror movie that we’ve probably seen a million times “Quarantine” was the #2 movie of the weekend with $14.2 million.

I was tempted to see “Beverly Hills Chihuahua” this weekend, but I decided to wait until it shows up on my Netflix queue. That way I can see it from the comfort of my own bong. Besides, if I want to be entertained by a talking chihuahua, I just have to take a few dozen bong hits and stare at my own dog. We’ve seriously had some amazing and deep conversations while riding on the green cloud. He knows me better than anyone.

Here’s the weekend’s top 10:

1. Beverly Hills Chihuahua – $17.5 million
2. Quarantine – $14.2 million
3. Body of Lies – $13.1 million
4. Eagle Eye – $11.0 million
5. Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist – $6.5 million
6. The Express – $4.7 million
7. Nights in Rodanthe – $4.6 million
8. Appaloosa – $3.3 million
9. The Duchess – $3.3 million
10. City of Ember – $3.2 million

Source

Admit It. Who Went To See This Masterpiece?

My chihuahua is giving me the silent treatment this morning because I dissed his bitches by not going to see “Beverly Hills Chihuahua” this weekend. Actually, he would have given me the silent treatment anyway because he’s too busy being a lazy son of a bitch! Honestly, does he really need to sleep 23.5 hours a day?

Yeah, I was a bad chihuahua owner by not handing over $12 (seriously) to see this masterpiece. If there was a weed hookah and booze bar at the theater, I would’ve been the first ho in line. I didn’t brave the screaming brats and stoners, but a lot of whores did. BHC was the #1 movie of the weekend with $29 million! 29 fucking million! And those dogs probably got paid in stale cat cookies!

This definitely means that Disney is going to whore out these dogs even more by putting out several sequels. The pimps at Disney should greenlight The Soup’s idea for “South Central Chihuahua.” Throw in a couple of gorgeous cholita puppies and I smell another winner. Clip below:

Pass The Cheese Popcorn

I used a picture of shirtless 50 Cent because he has a glorious rack. Maybe he accidentally started the fire by rubbing his titties together. Motorboating!

As I expected, this 50 Cent drama is getting juicy. Juicy like his breastes. Sorry, I can’t take my eyes off of them. So, Shaniqua Tompkins gave an impromptu press conference outside of her burned down house. 50’s ex-girlfriend and mother of his son said 50 tried to kill her ass! She said, “He said he was going to have someone come kill me and watch what he does. And then look what he did. He had made no contact to see how his son is doing.”

Click here to watch the video if you give a rat’s clitoris (and thank you to everyone who sent me a picture of a rat’s clit after I asked about it a few days ago).

Shaniqua’s lawyer told TMZ that she heard someone come into the house at around 4am. One hour later and her joint was up in flames! It wasn’t 50 that started the fire, it was the CLOSET WITCH!!! She was trying to make S’mores in her little cubby hole and it got out of hand.

50, the drama is back in your court. I am awaiting your response. Make it scandalous!

UPDATE: 50 issued this statement to TMZ, “Any suggestion that Mr. Jackson had anything whatsoever to do with the fire at his home is outrageous and offensive.” Boooooring! I was hoping that big tittied hot piece would really fire back.

Madonna Gets To Keep David Banda

Don’t worry, I’m sure that Poland Spring bottle is filled with Kabbalahalalabalah water. If it wasn’t, Madonna would have kicked him out of her house by now. So, Madge gets to keep the African orphan she took home almost 2 years ago. The High Court in Malawi granted her ass permanent adoption of 2-year-old David Banda.

That shit took forever. I figured David Banda was at college already.

Madge’s lawyer said, “We are very happy with what the judge has ruled. Finally the court has granted Madonna full adoption rights of the boy…It’s all over, thank God. It is a positive and beautiful judgment that will have an impact on Malawi’s adoption laws.”

Congrats to Madonna and David! Does this mean she can officially change his name to “Madge’s Greatest Publicity Stunt Ciccone Ritchie” now?

Source: E! Online

Thanks Dawn