I’m sorry to report this, but we may never know peace again. TMZ reports that Pete Davidson and Kim Kardashian were spotted having dinner together for the second night in a row. From the moment their hands first touched on that Knott’s Scary Farm roller coaster, I was overcome with deep exhaustion accompanied by a reflexive bout of nausea. Yet, I was hoping that if we ignored them long enough, Pete and Kim would get bored, eventually shed their human skins and bugger back off to whatever underground lair lizard people dwell in when they’re not stunting topside. But instead, things have gotten much more serious. TMZ is now calling them “a thing.”
TMZ reports that Pete and Kim “very much appear to be an item” because they have hung out three time in less than a week. The first time was last weekend at Knott’s Scary Farms in California, then Kim traveled to New York and had a private dinner with Pete in Staten Island on Tuesday night. And then last night, Kim and Pete had dinner with a group of friends at a private social club in Manhattan. You can tell that even TMZ is exhausted. They’re just calling them K&P now.
K&P joined a group of friends for dinner at Zero Bond in NYC. The pair arrived separately, Pete first and then Kim — dressed in Balenciaga sunglasses and a black dress — about 10 minutes later. If the two grabbing dinner sounds familiar, it should … Pete and Kim chowed down at Campania in Staten Island Tuesday night after they were escorted through a back entrance and treated to a very private meal.
This time, things weren’t as intimate — with others breaking bread with them — but to hang out 3x in less than a week, not to mention cross-country … well, it’s starting to sound like a thing.
To make matters worse, Paper reports that Pete and Kim’s relationship has inspired a cam company to create a tattooed dildo “the size of Pete’s famed phallus.” So you know what? I give up. I’m going to go live in the lizard lair, they can keep Manhattan. The Bronx, and Staten Island too.
CamSoda has taken “Big Dick Energy” to a whole new level.
Hot on the heels of those Kim Kardashian romance rumors, the camming site has debuted a new dildo inspired by none other than Pete Davidson.
That’s right! Now you too can experience the size of Pete’s famed phallus with CamSoda’s latest tattoo-covered creation. Not only that, but the dildo also uses teledildonics, which means it’ll be synced up with SNL broadcasts and gyrate whenever Pete himself pops up on-screen.
After all, as CamSoda Vice President Daryn Parker explained, “Pete doesn’t have to be locked down with just Kim. We can all share a piece of the SNL stud and get to know him more intimately.” Daryn said.
Here’s what it looks like.
Here's the Pete Davidson Dildo we just talked about during Sarah B Trending! pic.twitter.com/mQgmt3nlES
— Lex & Terry (@LexandTerry) November 4, 2021
And I can tell what it feels like just from looking at it. It feels like we’re all being taken for a ride. And I have a feeling this won’t end soon. New Yorkers, you have been warned! A very good case can be made that Pete Davidson’s New York is primarily subterranean.