Lauren Sanchez Is Throwing Jeff Bezos A Party To Celebrate His Return From Space

August 7, 2021 / Posted by:

Lauren Sanchez, the bewitching human-silicone hybrid and sizzling hot (heat safe to 500F) side piece turned entrée of billionaire Jeff Bezos, is celebrating his biggest dick pics ever taken in the absence of blackmail. As we all know, since it was slammed in our faces more times than Ron Jeremy fluffed for a blow job, Jeff Bezos became the second billionaire in space after a giant peen rocket hauled him beyond the Kármán line last month. And according to People, Jeff’s possible fiancée, Lauren, has been busy making trips to The Party Store to pick up packs of streamers and Star Trek-themed paper cups and plates, since the shipping on her Amazon order got all screwed up again and they sent each item in separate boxes, all subject to their own delays. Girlfriends of billionaires: They’re just like us!

During the post-flight press conference, Jeff joked, “Our family was happy to see us. That’s a good sign.” And Lauren is underscoring this point by throwing him this masked little soirée so he feels welcome back on Earth and is reminded that he is, in fact, the biggest dick in her life. via People:

The Amazon billionaire’s girlfriend is planning a bash in his honor two weeks after he flew to space and returned to Earth, a source tells PEOPLE.

“Lauren is throwing a party to celebrate Jeff’s recent rocket launch,” says the insider. “Those coming are close family and friends (Jeff’s brother was also on the rocket), including all of the couple’s children.” (Bezos has three sons and one daughter with ex-wife MacKenzie Scott, while Sanchez has a son with former NFL star Tony Gonzalez and a son and daughter with agent Patrick Whitesell.)

As concerns grow about the rapidly spreading Delta variant of COVID-19, the source says that safety “protocols are being followed.”

“Everybody must show proof of vaccination, and the gathering will be held outdoors,” the insider adds.

Page Six adds:

The party for the 57-year-old Amazon founder will have an “Out of This World” theme, and his guests will have to dress to impress.

The bash is being held in California, and we’re told that it will celebrate the billionaire’s 10-minute trip to space last month alongside his younger brother, Mark.

Not everyone is celebrating Jeff’s return from raw-dogging suborbital space, however. You might be one of the sulking 165,000+ people who signed a petition to have him stay up there permanently. And my own jaded ass is fairly certain that even Lauren stealth-clicked over to Change.org and entered “Sauren Lanchez” on the petition just to see what would happen after Jeff insisted for the 256,947th time that she slowly and sensuously rub an entire tube of Subscribe & Save SPF cream on his head while breathlessly reciting “The Little Engine That Could” in a slutty maid costume before he toddled off on his space adventure.

The petitioners, of course, would rather he’d just stayed up there to colonize Neptune with his busted DNA as he furiously jizzes out new life forms while the first Alexa in space asks him what he’s wearing and he barks outWho’s your daddy?

Pics: Wenn.com

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