Who Is April’s Hot Slut Of The Month?
We’re almost to the halfway point of 2021, and if you’re like me, you’re looking at the dehydrated skeleton of a Christmas tree in your living room and thinking, “I thought it was still January.” Because this year has been moving faster than Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck’s PR team’s rollout of Operation Reboot Bennifer. Case in point: We’re already voting for April’s Hot Slut of the Month. And this HSOTM battle is made up of two heaping doses of nostalgia, two messy reptiles, and an overnight press conference STAH!
The first three HSOTM finalists got the most Facebook likes for the month, and the fourth one was picked by me. Your choices for April are:
Barbie’s Silver ‘Vette, the epitome of 80s sophistication that left skidmarks of glittery elegance on every sidewalk it rode along and caused children who didn’t own it to drool out a stream of jealousness!
Crocodile Mile, the 80s backyard slip ‘n slide toy that was just a tad bit less deadly than getting eaten by an actual crocodile.
The 7-Eleven Lizard, the Asian water monitor lizard who slithered into a 7-Eleven outside of Bangkok and crawled up a bunch of shelves before the cops kicked ’em out. That lizard is a mirror to all of us who have gotten kicked out of a 7-Eleven while drunkenly crawling up shelves to get to the bag of chicharones at the top.
Michele Herbert, the UES socialite neighbor of Rudy Giuliani’s who became the breakout star of his federal raid when she talked to reporters and got thisclose to busting out jazz hands while crooning, “The name on everybody’s lips is gonna be MICHELE!”
Voting is below. The winning HSOTM will be announced this Friday, May 14!
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