Open Post: Hosted By The Amber Alert For Chucky And His Son, Glen

Typically an Amber Alert scares the hell out of you by shaking you awake and out of a hot sex dream at 2:56 a.m. on a workday, hours before you have to actually get up. You try to get your heart rate back down, curse the premature ending of your vivid fuck moments with a cute co-worker in the supply room next to the case of Post-It Notes, and maybe even think some stressed but good thoughts for the missing child and their terrified family. That’s how it usually goes.

On Friday, some Texas residents were faced with a different kind of terror surrounding an Amber Alert, for Chucky, the alleged dollnapper, and Glen, the abductee. Three alerts, in fact.

Deadline has the details:

The Texas Alerts system sent out a strange message Friday morning – an Amber Alert for filmdom’s knife-wielding maniac Chucky the doll and his child.

The Amber Alert, typically used in the search for missing or abducted children, listed Chucky from the film Child’s Play as a suspect. The alert described him as a 28-year-old with red, auburn hair, blue eyes, stands at 3’1″, and weighs 16 pounds. He was wearing blue denim overalls with a multi-colored striped long sleeve shirt and wielding a kitchen knife prior to his “disappearance.”

The alert also listed Glen, the son of Chucky who was introduced in the film Seed of Chucky, as an abducted child. He was described as five years old, weighing 6 pounds, standing at 2’3″, and also with red, auburn hair and blue eyes. Glen was described as wearing a blue shirt and black collar prior to his “disappearance.”

Now, some kids aren’t nearly as cute as their annoying-as-hell parents think they are, but none of them look anywhere near as menacing as a couple of shrieking, ten-head murder dolls with knives and lucrative movie deals (I know we can argue this point, but just go with it).

Speaking of screen time, this next point must be a total coincidence and not at all a sign of the Texas Alert System selling out for shady ad revenue. Deadline again:

Subscribers of the Texas Alert System received the email alert three times on Friday. The agency told television station KENS 5 that the alert “is a result of a test malfunction. We apologize for the confusion this may have caused and are diligently working to ensure this does not happen again.”

A “Chucky” television series is expected to start production later this year for later airing on USA Network and SyFy. The reboot reunites Child’s Play creator Don Mancini and Chucky voice actor Brad Dourif.

Here are some highlights of Chucky’s swinging bachelor days, before he was saddled with fatherhood:

Pic:  YouTube/KENS 5