Meghan Markle Writes About Suffering A Miscarriage Over The Summer

In an op-ed piece for The New York Times about loss, grief, and putting on a Jane Jetson-like mask of perfect happiness to hide our pain, Meghan Markle writes that she was pregnant with her second child with Prince Harry (yes, my ~oh-so-clever~ nickname of Prince Hot Ginge is sitting this post out) but tragically had a miscarriage. Meghan goes back to last year when she was in Africa and ITV News reporter Tom Bradby brought up all the tabloid and media attention on her and asked her if she’s okay. Meghan used that moment to write about checking in on each other emotionally, especially during this shit-covered divided year from hell where so many people have experienced loss and hurt.

Meghan begins her op-ed by writing that she was having a normal morning in July when she suffered a pain in her stomach and knew something was very, very wrong:

After changing his diaper, I felt a sharp cramp. I dropped to the floor with him in my arms, humming a lullaby to keep us both calm, the cheerful tune a stark contrast to my sense that something was not right.

I knew, as I clutched my firstborn child, that I was losing my second.

Hours later, I lay in a hospital bed, holding my husband’s hand. I felt the clamminess of his palm and kissed his knuckles, wet from both our tears. Staring at the cold white walls, my eyes glazed over. I tried to imagine how we’d heal.

While in the hospital, Meghan thought of Tom Bradby asking her if she was okay, and how that question helped her, so she asked Harry the same one:

“Are you OK?” a journalist asked me. I answered him honestly, not knowing that what I said would resonate with so many — new moms and older ones, and anyone who had, in their own way, been silently suffering. My off-the-cuff reply seemed to give people permission to speak their truth. But it wasn’t responding honestly that helped me most, it was the question itself.

“Thank you for asking,” I said. “Not many people have asked if I’m OK.”

Sitting in a hospital bed, watching my husband’s heart break as he tried to hold the shattered pieces of mine, I realized that the only way to begin to heal is to first ask, “Are you OK?”

When Chrissy Teigen wrote about her miscarriage and shared pictures that were taken right after she lost her third child, some people were like, “Close the door and put a Privacy Please sign on that!” Chrissy responded by saying that those pictures weren’t for everyone, they were for the people who are alone with their pain. Meghan writes that opening up about that pain helps with healing and breaking down down the stigma of pregnancy loss:

Losing a child means carrying an almost unbearable grief, experienced by many but talked about by few. In the pain of our loss, my husband and I discovered that in a room of 100 women, 10 to 20 of them will have suffered from miscarriage. Yet despite the staggering commonality of this pain, the conversation remains taboo, riddled with (unwarranted) shame, and perpetuating a cycle of solitary mourning.

Some have bravely shared their stories; they have opened the door, knowing that when one person speaks truth, it gives license for all of us to do the same. We have learned that when people ask how any of us are doing, and when they really listen to the answer, with an open heart and mind, the load of grief often becomes lighter — for all of us. In being invited to share our pain, together we take the first steps toward healing.

Meghan adds that because of coronavirus, police brutality, and political divide, this year has been the Naked And Afraid of years since it’s tested us all and pushed many to the point where they go, “Yeah, I’m tapping out, helicopter me out of this bitch.” She writes that this has made us see each other’s pain, and even if we disagree with each other, we should ask one another, “Are you OK?”

From what I’ve seen, Meghan has gotten a lot of praise for being open, but I did take my eyes on a quick visit to The Daily Mail’s comment section, and well, it made me want to take her advice and reply to some of the angrier comments with, “Are YOU ok, girl?!”

Pic: Wenn.com