The messy, California King-sized bed full of human shit was the Johnny Depp–Amber Heard marriage is going to release noxious fumes into the atmosphere for longer than anybody anticipated––at least five months longer, after Virginia Circuit Court Chief Judge, Bruce White, agreed to Johnny’s original request to have his $50 million defamation suit against ex-wife, Amber Heard, postponed due to his commitment to filming Fantastic Beasts 3. But not for that reason. And not because of Amber’s commitment, as she countered, to filming Aquaman 2. Instead, this judge claims that the reason he’s granting the move is because of COVID, and nothing else.
Johnny is currently suing Amber in Virginia for writing in The Washington Post about the backlash she got after speaking out about being a victim of domestic abuse. Amber never named Johnny but he claims she defamed him by implication. Amber is countersuing Johnny for $100 million for allegedly running a smear campaign against her and for trying to get her fired from jobs. This case is also different from the one where Johnny sued The Sun for calling him a “wife-beater.” A verdict in that case is expected in a few weeks.
According to Deadline, the Johnny/Amber trial, which has already been pushed back twice due to COVID, has a new start date of May 3, 2021. But that date is temporary because of COVID restrictions.
“Right now, the Virginia Supreme Court has not authorized us to conduct jury trials,” Judge White told the virtually assembled lawyers for both actors. Heard herself also participated via video link on Friday.
Once the state actually allows trials to be held in person again, criminal trials will be first, followed by narcissistic egomaniacs fighting until the end of time. So basically, be prepared to listen to more shit-themed stories about these two until at least 2028.
Either way, this outcome was obviously good news for Johnny as he posted a video onto his Instagram (I was today years old when I realized that Johnny Depp would even give enough of a shit to own a cell phone let alone an IG account). The clip in question features Johnny sitting at a desk, writing a thank you note (with, like, an inkwell and everything, because obviously) to his fans for their support.
For now, Johnny can thankfully take it easy for a few months, preparing himself for court while chilling out in one of his castles, sipping absinthe, and working on his runic drawings while dressed as the world’s oldest Urban Outfitters employee.