Disney is apparently working on a live-action remake of 1997’s Hercules. Um, no offense, Mickey Mouse, but DUH, BITCH. Mulan is coming out soon, The Little Mermaid is set for next year, Bambi will follow. And Tangled, The Hunchback of Notre Dame, Robin Hood, and Lilo & Stitch are all getting the live-action treatment too. What else is left? The Princess and the Frog? Frozen? Song of the South? Errr, maybe not that last one.
The DisInsider says the live-action Hercules will feature songs from the original film (good, because that Zero to Hero shit has been in my head for 23 years), and some new ones too. The list of possible directors includes Joe and Anthony Russo a.k.a the Russo Brothers (a bunch of Marvel movies), Gore Verbinski (Pirates of the Caribbean and that shitty Lone Ranger movie), and the original Ultimate Fighting Champion Jon Favreau (who directed both live-action versions of The Jungle Book and The Lion King).
Once they decide on a director, they’ll start looking for a cast. I don’t see what’s wrong with their original line up. Tate Donovan as Hercules, Danny DeVito as that little horseman, and James Woods as Hades. People will still buy tickets to see James Woods, right? He hasn’t done anything that raises any red fla- huh? I’m sorry? No, I didn’t know… Oh, reeeally? On Twitter? Amber Tamblyn, too? Well, shit.
OK, new plan! Brand new cast! Let’s go with Zac Efron as Hercules, CGI the Danny DeVito creature and we’ll recycle his already recorded lines, throw in Willem Dafoe as Hades, and, ohhhh, how ’bout Zendaya as the love interest? There, done.
If you can’t wait for the new movie, which will likely be released in 2039 because of all the corona delays, just tide yourself over with this classic: