Hot Sluts Of The Day!

November 24, 2019 / Posted by:

The trio of Splash Mountain go-go miners!

Rachel Bloom pointed her followers toward a Splash Mountain ad from 1989 that Everything Is Terrible dug up in 2011, and it once again proves that when Disneyland declared that they’re The Happiest Place On Earth, they really meant The Gayest Plane On Earth. Because the only thing these scalding hot grinding miners are digging up is a swoon from my down-low parts.

The ad was to promote the opening of Splash Mountain, and also to promote Disneyland as the land of pure cheesy foolery. A bunch of teens led by a teen, who is obviously a 35 year-old man pretending to be a teen to hang out with teens, try to be the first to ride Splash Mountain, but its bouncer Br’er Bear refuses to let them in. So they sit their asses on a bench, and that’s when Tinkerbell sprinkles LSD on them, and their spirits come out to dance and rap in an 80s fever dream.

At the very first part of the rap, the overgrown gay cousins of Snow White’s dwarves bust out low-grade Chippendales moves to a 70s porn beat. That’s what it looks like whenever there’s construction going down at Scientology’s Gold Base. The only thing that’s missing is John Travolta and the Scientology Celebrity Centre bath house boys fanning themselves while drinking sweet barley tea.

And once those mining go-go boys melt the gold with their nipple-hardening moves, it goes full 80s with a rap and a group number, which ends with the teens waking up after getting splashed with water. This is what you’ll hallucinate if you freebase the late-80s.

What hell hath Song of the South wrought? Racism and THIS!

And those miners look like what happened after the Village People lost it all and had to get jobs at the quarry. In other words: PURE. HOTNESS.

Pic: YouTube

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