Open Post: Hosted By The Small Irish Village That Matt Damon Is Quarantining In

April 24, 2020 / Posted by:

I have got to hand it to Matt Damon. Two years ago, after getting dragged like a burlap sack full of bricks for his comments about diversity and a “spectrum of behavior in regards to #metoo, he said he was going to keep his trap shut moving forward. And he has! I haven’t heard a single regrettable hot take from Matt ever since. And unlike his BestBro4Life Ben Affleck, who feeds off of flashbulbs like some kind of LED vampire, we haven’t seen hide nor hair of Matt or his family since coronavirus came a-knockin’. Well, according to The New York Times, that’s because Matt’s been holed up in a small Irish town called Dalkey, much to the delight of the locals. Though they seem more delighted by the absurdity of the situation, insomuch as why anyone would give a rat’s ass, sorry, rat’s arse, where Matt Damon is than at the possibility of a chance encounter. Bono lives there too. Trust me, they have seen it all.

According to the New York Times, Matt and his family were already in Ireland when the Quoronatine(™) began. He was there shooting scenes for The Last Duel co-starring Adam Driver and his buddy Ben looking like a medieval Fred Durst.

The Damon sightings in Dalkey and neighboring Killiney, which together are sometimes referred to as “Ireland’s Amalfi Coast,” began in mid-March. According to an assistant to Mr. Damon’s agent, this was when he arrived in the area to shoot scenes for “The Last Duel,” a soon-to-be-suspended medieval drama directed by Ridley Scott. It was also not long before the pubs closed and the police began checking if people were straying beyond their permitted two kilometers.

The author of the New York Times report hit up a local Facebook group in order to get the scoop on Matt’s current situation, and her inquiries were initially met with a blustery Irish sea of “who wants to know?”s. Apparently Matt hasn’t done anything too Hollywood while in residence, which the locals appreciate. And so they are protective of his privacy.

Sightings of Mr. Damon have become common in recent weeks in Dalkey, a seaside resort town southeast of Dublin, where his presence has added yet another surreal layer to life under lockdown.

The scenario also has Dalkey residents rallying against a new common enemy: outsiders who ask too many questions about their Matt O’Damon, as some now call him.

Most encounters begin the same way: Matt Damon smiles, and the resident pretends not to know who he is. “I think it’s an Irish thing,” Ms. Deegan said. “We don’t want anyone who is a celebrity to think that we are in any way sycophantic.”

And now we know why Ben chose to jet off to Cuba instead. It seems that Matt keeps a pretty low profile there, which is easy to do considering he and his family are living in a luxury gated community.

A photo of Mr. Damon at the beach with a bag from a SuperValu market seems to have been his ticket to local acceptance. Delighted memes and glowing articles in the Irish press proliferated. Unlike his celebrity peers in the United States who have been skewered for trying to connect to commoners, Mr. Damon had become a symbol of togetherness while living in a gated residence in one of the priciest neighborhoods in Ireland.

Good for Matt. Hunkering down in Ireland having the piss taken by the locals is a much better look than having your wife blow up your secluded quarantine spot by doing high fashion rich lady PPE photoshoots on Instagram like Armie Hammer. Sometimes shutting the fuck up is the best PR money can’t buy!

Pic: Wikimedia Commons

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