Just when you thought that Orlando Bloom, modest Hammaconda owner and shitty tattoo connoisseur, couldn’t be any more of a gentleman, he’s breaking it down even further by letting you know how totally in love he is with fiancée and future mother of his second child, Katy Perry––and how in love he HAS been since the day they first met.
In a recent interview with The Sunday Times, Orlando revealed that he was celibate for SIX whole months before meeting Katy for the first time in 2016 at a Golden Globes afterparty.
“[I] wasn’t happy. [My friend] Laird [Hamilton] said, ‘If you want to be serious about a relationship, go celibate for a few months and figure it out…it takes away the idea of going to a party and thinking, ‘Who am I going to meet?’ I was suddenly like, ‘Oh, I can have a relationship with a woman that is just friends.’”
“Bloom explained that he “was going to do three months,” but then he started noticing the perks of celibacy. “I was really enjoying the way I was relating to women, and to the feminine within myself,” he recalled. “I know that sounds crazy.”
Orlando? Sounding crazy? Oh, just wait. There’s more.
“[I believe that] porn is super disruptive to your sex life, to your libido,” says Bloom, who also admitted that he “didn’t even” masturbate during the six-month period.
“Completely nothing. It was insane,” he said. “I don’t think it’s healthy. I don’t think it was advisable. You have to keep it moving down there.”
And then the next thing you know, BOOM! He bumps into Katy.
The two had “crossed paths” before, he told the British newspaper, but it was the first time they “actually hung out and connected.”
God, can you imagine what these two “connected” over? Katy probably pulled out all of her quantum physics anecdotes, while Orlando playfully brushed a loose strand of her hair behind her ear while reciting Shakespearean sonnets.
Anyway, long story short, the happy couple began their on-off again relationship with Orlando in a state of blue balls, while Katy was preparing to release that snooze of an album (be more specific, am I right?). Fast-forward three years and now they’re relationship experts, despite the fact that they’ve pushed their December wedding back.
But it’s totally fine. Unlike Dennis Quaid and his bride-to-be, Katy and Orlando postponed their wedding BEFORE it was a cool and sanitary thing to do.
Okay, got it. Thanks for the tip, Orlando! And thanks for temporarily taking my mind off the thought of the world ending by giving me visions of you, dressed as Legolas, beating off in the men’s room at the Golden Globes.