Lady Gaga Just Got Engaged…To Herself

February 15, 2020 / Posted by:

Lady Gaga had a whirlwind 2019 where she spent every waking moment trying to convince the world that she wasn’t humping on her A Star Is Born co-star Bradley Cooper, but then maybe she was (for promo), and then Bradley broke up with Irina Shayk, so maybe she really IS a great actress…

Anyway, rubbing up on married men is so last year because Gaga might be in love with Michael Polansky, her current man, but she’s really in love with herself––and she’s made it official!

Lady Gaga and her new pink-hair-with-exposed-roots is now the face and spokes-finger for an elegant and tasteful ring designed by celebrity stylist Bea Åkerlund, in collaboration with the online shopping service, Klarna (basically, a millennial version of K-Mart layaway dressed up in a Midsommar headdress).

The ring in question is plated sterling silver with 18-carat gold and features 246 rose pink stones and some cubic zirconia crystals. In a move that pushes her even closer to becoming a full-time presenter on QVC, Lady Gaga, Oscar-winner and makeup impresario, describes why she chose to step into Zsa Zsa Gabor’s kitten heels and become this century’s new glamorous jewelry ambassador:

“It’s 2020, and any person of any gender identity can propose to anyone, anytime! So as we all celebrate love today, I put this ring on my own finger as a sign of my love for myself and for my fans – and a reminder that we are all born superstars.”

I can’t think of anything I would be less likely to wear if I were a superstar than this tacky knuckle-duster. It reminds me of a broken piece of machinery you might find on the tarmac underneath Andy Cohen’s private jet.

Not to be outdone, the designer herself gave her own description of the ring (which is meant to be worn APPROPRIATELY on the middle finger):

“The Knight Finger was designed to inspire us all to fearlessly love on our own terms and cast aside traditions of the past to define our own futures…”

First of all, the write-up makes it sound like this thing was the first brick thrown at Stonewall. It’s a fucking ring, okay? What’s more, it looks like something the pink Power Ranger would use on herself if she was tired and didn’t feel like getting out of bed to find replacement batteries for her regular-sized vibrator.

It retails for $950––or, I guess, 24 easy payments of $39.99. But now all of the single Little Monsters can decorate their lips with a Haus Laboratories lip crayon, pop on this glittery hunk of plated glass and, just like Mother, promise themselves to themselves. Who says being single doesn’t have its perks?

Pics: Instagram, hbx-klarna.com

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